Andy starts by asking if Hannah and Conrad are still together. Why is that even a question? Then he asks Joao and Brooke if they are still together and there is a bit of hesitation but Brooke says no. Andy says he’s heard there has been some back and forth and wants to know how long they’ve been broken up. Brooke says after the show they spent a month in Zimbabwe and then they were together another five or six months. Joao indicates the broke up when the show aired and Brooke saw all his jackassery on the show. I paraphrase.
Next is a segment on Adam’s redemption season. Captain Sandy said he really redeemed himself this season other than not feeding the crew. Adam says he feed the crew most of the time and that he didn’t eat for four weeks straight. That’s not true we saw him eating between every charter at the very least.
It’s time for the interior crew to brawl. Brooke says she is in an awkward situation with Kasey now but does admit her skills improved over the season and she is now ready to be a THIRD stew. Hannah has said the same. Hannah admits that she frequently battles with her stews. Captain Sandy says she would like for Hannah to admit her mistakes. I hope Captain Sandy does the same. Hannah admits that Brooke did a good job of picking up the slack.
When asked, Kasey says that for her learning style, Brooke would be a better chief stew for her. See? This is what is wrong with today’s education system. Teachers are now required to do lesson plans that include IEPs for each student to address their learning style. While there are times teachers do need to accommodate each child’s learning style but if the student doesn’t learn how to learn across the spectrum they end up going to work thinking their boss needs to accommodate their learning style and that is not how the real world works. Then she says that Brooke would take criticism better. Again, it is not the boss’s responsibility to take criticism from an entry level employee. This is simply a ridiculous concept. When Captain Sandy jumps in Andy points out that Kasey kissed her ass a lot. Captain Sandy acts like that is how it should be. She says most crew do kiss her ass. She says either there is a respect for her position (from Hannah) or there is no position for Hannah. Shouldn’t the same be true of the stews regarding respect for Hannah?
I am defending Hannah much better than Hannah is defending herself. She’s giving veteran reunion participant answers and just agreeing with everything. Even Joao is shocked by Hannah’s easy going demeanor.
On to Conrad and Hannah. After a montage of the Captain having a hissyfit for not getting her toast quickly enough at breakfast with the guests, Andy asks if there is anyone Hannah needs to apologize to, including Captain Sandy. She says she has apologized to her. Andy basically wants to know why Captain Sandy had such a different demeanor this season. She actually responds by saying, “when most of these people were in the birth canal, she was in the Suez canal.” Everyone laughs at her. Good Lord, two seasons in and she’s already hired a reunion writer. Even Adam calls her out. “How long have you been working on that one?” She seems cornered and offended.
So of course she shifts the focus on to Conrad. She’s just such a vile little bitch. She rains down all sorts of stupid comments as if he didn’t do a good job as bosun and ends with “and that is why you will probably never make it.” Conrad responds by saying he doesn’t understand where all of the hatred is coming from. Nor do I. Captain Sandy says she doesn’t know him well enough to hate him. It’s was all very LVP saying to Stassi, “You’re not important enough for me to hate you.” Conrad says all he tried to do was help her in any way he could and her issues with Hannah suddenly flowed over onto him. She says, “See what you are doing right now? There is absolutely no respect for the position.” She’s out of her mind. Conrad busted his ass all season in an effort to please her and in response she punished him because of her anger toward Hannah. Then Andy asks if Joao would have been a better bosun and she says, “Yes, 100%.” She is humiliating Conrad on television in front of his friends and family with absolutely no foundation for this behavior and it is raising my blood pressure which I have spent three days trying to lower.
Even Joao tries to defend Conrad. Captain Sandy doubles down on Conrad. She has the nerve to end this round of abuse by saying, “I don’t pick favorites. I was 100% fair across the board.” It’s an odd way to end since she had not been accused of that yet, but it was Andy’s next question. A fake viewer question points out that Captain Sandy clearly played favorites by constantly getting on Conrad and Hannah for every minute detail but let Joao disrespect everyone on the boat and making them all uncomfortable. She looks shocked. Come on, really? Andy asks if she was aware of Joao’s behavior and she starts cussing like…well a sailor. She said she doesn’t give a shit what Joao was doing. All she cares about is the job. She’s not his moral compass. I guess she doesn’t have time to be his moral compass when she is so busy being the moral compass for Hannah and Conrad.
Joao has had some sort of come to Jesus moment after all the fan backlash and watching the episode back. He says he is the biggest antifan of himself. He did disrespect Conrad and he has apologized.
This leads to Joao’s relationship with Brooke. Brooke downplays her breakup with her boyfriend and immediately trying to hook up with Adam on the alcohol and then says that she and Joao had an instant connection. I’m not sure she knows what that means. At first Joao agrees that Brooke dumped him over what she saw on the show but then he backtracks and says it was because they could both find a job on the same ship. Kasey says she thinks there is more to the story because they have been on and off since they got off the boat. Brooke says the scene with Kasey and Joao where they both essentially it said it should have been them that ended up together really upset her. She still seems to want him to make it up to her. She wants him back. She’s such a glutton for punishment.
Joao tries to excuse his behavior by saying that Brooke had a boyfriend at first and that is why he pursued Kasey but Kasey is not going to let that fly. By the way, Kasey’s dress is gorgeous. Kasey says that right after they got off the boat, Joao told her that if there had been another week on the boat he would have ended things with Brooke and gotten together with her. This was before they went to Zimbabwe. Joao says to Brooke that he shared the conversation they had about breaking up if there had been one more week on the boat with the entire crew. He seems to think that makes things better. Conrad and Adam are cracking up over the corner that Joao is talking his way into. Kasey says that Joao is downplaying his relationship with her both on and off the boat now. Then Brooke finds out that Kasey and Joao were still talking both while they were in Florence and afterward. Wow. Douchebag move.
Now Brooke is disappointed in Kasey who she helped all season and whom she thought was her friend contacting and communicating with her boyfriend behind her back. Brooke seems done with Joao for a second. Andy points out that Joao quit his last job to work on his relationship with Brooke.
Then a viewer asks if Joao regrets Kasey getting up that night on the dock (and allowing Brooke to swoop in) since he said ONE MILLION PERCENT if she had not done that then he would be with Kasey. He said no but Kasey said he told her that he did regret it. Joao keeps saying “I was playing a game I didn’t I didn’t know I was playing.” He keeps saying that he has told Brooke all of these revelations and she keeps calling bullshit.
Jaime finally realizes she will never be acknowledged so she jumps to ask how their relationship was on the day they left the boat. Brooke says they were not in a good place. Jaime tries to get Joao to admit the things he said and did with Kasey right before they got of the boat. Joao has amnesia. Jaime says that Kasey and Joao sitting together and he kissed her on the cheek. Kasey says that Joao would go out with Kasey and Jaime without Brooke after they got off the boat. She also says that she and Joao have been in contact since the season ended and he calls all the time when they are fighting. They had a big fight and Joao called and told her that it was over with Brooke and he was coming to NYC to see Kasey and Colin. This is all news to Brooke who is not reacting at all. When Andy asks if this information changes anything for Brooke she says yes and that she’s done. Kasey then tries to reassure her that Joao loves her (Brooke) and that he has always told her that. At this point I would slap Brooke’s face. It’s irking me that Kasey is the authority on Brooke’s relationship and that she is rubbing it in Brooke’s naive little face.
Andy asks if Joao is still in love with Brooke. He says he can’t even explain how in love with Brooke he is and then dashes off stage to cry like a housewife. He’s so full of shit. Andy acts as if this is sincere. Then he comes back with a long bullshit story. He admits that the didn’t treat her well in Zimbawe. Brooke says she does love Joao but tells him he needs to learn not to lie and how to be a man, and how to treat women before they can continue.
AND THEN THE BLOND BIMBO CHIMES IN TO SAY, “BUT I DON’T THINK THAT’S FAIR!” AND MY HEAD EXPLODED FROM THE MASSIVE RISE IN BLOOD PRESSURE!
Seriously, someone punch this bitch in the mouth! She says no one saw their friendship on the boat. When she was sick he was the only one taking care of her. Brooke says, “Because he was trying to get into your pants!” Hannah laughs and Kasey denies that was happening. Captain Sandy chimes in to say Joao is a genuine guy. Kasey says she would give her friendship with Joao if that is what they wanted but it would just be an indication that something is wrong in their relationship. I am having violent thoughts toward this person and Brooke is sitting next to her as if none of this is happening.
Finally, we move on to Hannah’s panic attack. Andy wants to know why Hannah and Conrad didn’t have sex. They blame the cameras but that didn’t stop Hannah before. A viewer asks Captain Sandy if after seeing the season she still believes that their relationship was impairing their work. She says yes because she refuses to admit she is wrong, yet demands Hannah admit she is wrong at every turn. Ditto Conrad. Andy Cohen questioning Hannah about dating someone younger is ridiculous.
We are going to talk more about Joao and Jezebob and how everyone hates him. I can’t. This is already twice the length it should be.
At the end they talked about regrets and Hannah regrets
sexually assaulting sleeping with Conrad. Something that Andy failed to discuss. He seems to not know it happened. I don’t think Andy watched the last episode. Captain Sandy regrets not praising Hannah in the beginning. Then she starts talking about how at 23 she was in jail. WTF? Then my DVR shut off. As if this wasn’t already the most annoying recap I’ve ever done.