I was excited about this show until it went to four hours a week. Now I am just trying to watch the final four hours and get it over with. I can’t quit now.
Jordan is such a bad actor. Surely Jenna knows he is playing a part, right? Hopefully, Jenna is in on the plot with Robbie coming to steal her away. Jordan goes to tell Robbie not to ask Jenna out on his date. Surprisingly, he listens and takes Shushanna, the only single girl, on the date. But I suspect he still plans to pursue Jenna. Everyone else hates Robbie for allegedly cheating on Amanda and breaking up with her after last season. Shushanna doesn’t know anything about this. She had a great time with Robbie.
Back in Paradise, Kiwi Jordan and Cassandra attempt to make a last minute connection. Joe has really fallen for Kendall. They are a cute couple. I think Kendall will accept an engagement from Joe. As soon as I said that, she seemed to get pissy with him for no reason and went to bed. It looks like their contracted time together may be up.
At the rose ceremony the girls had the roses. Olivia had to choose between Diggy and John. Diggy had the trumpet player from their date show up to the beach to serenade them. John made a circle of sunflowers on the beach that somehow made Olivia fall into his waiting arms. This left Diggy on the bed with the Mexican trumpet player in the most hilarious scripted scene of the season. Olivia pulls Shushanna to the side to tell her Robbie is a cheater. Robbie tells Shushanna he has cheated in the past but the did not cheat on Amanda.
Kendall talks to Joe and acts like she didn’t know he was in love with her. She’s suddenly backpedalling now that things are getting serious. Joe says he has been falling in love with her since day two. He never kissed or spent time or accepted dates from anyone else. She did those things. She is the one who is not all in. He was. And now he is not. He’s leaving. Way to go Kendall. Kendall is a terrible fake crier.
The roses were finally handed out thusly…
Shushanna chose Robbie
Annaleise chose Kamil (she also told him he is her boyfriend)
Astrid chose Kevin. (I believe this might actually work)
Krystal chose Chris
Jenna chose Jordan
AND THEN, the ominous music played. Olivia has to choose between Diggy and John. These are probably the best two guys on the island. But, as they say in the Bachelor Nation, I’m not sure John is here for the right reasons. Olivia gives the rose to John. Poor Diggy.
OMG! They put the said trumpet player in Diggy’s car for the ride to the hotel. He’s trying so hard to look sad and not bust out laughing. This is the funniest thing ever.
It’s the penultimate day in Paradise. It’s time to either head to the fantasy suite and use the bang card, or take your asses home. Who will bang and who will leave?
John is the first to tell Olivia no to the fantasy suite. They decide to leave together and “see where it goes.” Cassandra tells Kiwi Jordan similar news. He says he doesn’t think more time would have changed his lack of feelings. Robbie gives Shushanna the soft dump. All three of these went well.
Kamil is going to dump Annaleise and she is going to lose her mind. Before he can even start to break her heart she talks about how glad she is to have a boyfriend and she’s totally down for the fantasy suite. Kamil decides to take her up on her offer. He will get more camera time. Especially when he dumps her right afterward.
Chris and Krystal are down for the long con. So are Jordan and Jenna.
Ut oh. Kevin is upset. He tells Astrid he is having an actual mental breakdown. Apparently he is only 80% in and has been “masking” the 20% of things that don’t sit right with him. He cries a lot. He talks about how he should not have gone to the fantasy suite with Ashley I last time. I think this is his third fantasy suite. He has Fantasy Suite PTSD. Perhaps it is sexual performance anxiety, who knows? Astrid eventually walks off pissed off. Then Kevin, who is crying A LOT calls out after her, “Don’t leave me like this!” It’s the old push pull technique. Please come back and make me feel better about dumping you on national television! If you leave now, I look like the asshole! She doesn’t fall for it. Kevin is a great fake crier. There may even be snot.
Chris and Krystal seem to have some chemistry, but isn’t this the third girl for Chris? Annaliese is getting fed a line of bullshit. I have never believed in Jordan and Jenna. They seem like cartoon characters to me. But they profess their undying love to each other. I believe this is day twelve of their acquaintance…
OMG! The reunion tonight is going to be AMAZING. I’m excited again!