It’s time for another season of Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars, a show where washed up reality stars go to die. And lie. This is why this season is called “Lovers & Liars.” And before the first frame airs I can tell you that Kim Richards is about to tell a whole bunch of ridiculous lies about having a “secret love” in Wynn Katz. It’s like she doesn’t realize she’s been on TV and we know what she has been up to for the past six years when this relationship was supposedly taking place. She spent time in rehab. She dated some pill popping guy on RHOBH for a hot second, but most importantly, she lived with Monty Brinson for years just before he passed away in 2016. So this entire relationship with Wynn is a lie he is going along with to help her get a paycheck.
We start with Kim and Wynn in a white limo pulling up to the house. Kim says the last time she was in a white limo when she was getting married to Monty when she was 20. They say they have been on and off for six years and came to boot camp to see if they can finally commit to a relationship. She’s already talking about Monty too much. He did not agree to be discussed on this show. Everyone gets a corsage on arrival. Wynn’s has a toilet on it and Kim’s has a suitcase.
Next to arrive are Mama Dee and Ernest. The license plate of the front of their limo says “CRAY.” They are from Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. They have been married twice. Dee drinks too much. Dee’s corsage has a whiskey bottle. Ernest’s looks like it might be a sunflower. Oh it is a sunflower with Viagra pills in the center.
Desiree and Chris from The Bachelorette arrive. They are married. I don’t remember them at all. I have watched every season and with few exceptions if you put some of the bachelors and bachlorettes in room full of people, and asked me to give a rose to the people from the show I would be unable to complete the task. Their license plate says “truble.” They’ve lost that loving feeling. Her corsage has tissue and his has the number 2.
Next Puma and Quani from Black Ink arrive in a car with a front tag that reads “No Hope.” They have been married for four years. She refused to change her last name. They have problems with communications. He corsage is a Hello tag labelled “Mrs. Robinson.” His corsage has tiny puppy.
The last couple is Pauly D and Aubrey O’Day. I hate Aubrey. There are literally two links just for hating Aubrey O’Day and they still get traffic. I Love Pauly D. Their car tag was “LAST LEG.” She was also on Marriage Boot Camp before and went batshit crazy. I love that no one knows who Aubrey is and they already hate her. Her corsage is a ball and chain. His is a little black book. Aubrey doesn’t understand the ball and chain reference.
Dr. Ish and Dr. V. arrive to tell them they all suck at relationships. They all go to “prom” where they all have made up songs about them. The younger set is upset by the two older couples PDA. Mostly Mamma Dee who is apparently already drunk.
Then the play videos of all the negative things they said about their partners in interviews. I don’t know Quani or Puma but I kind of love Puma. Aw, Puma’s corsage is calling him a little bitch. Wynn says Kim is too old for him and not sexy. His corsage is about shitting or getting off the pot. Kim says that her suitcase is baggage from Monty. Ernest says there is no hope for Kim and Wynn because Kim is old. Dee points out she is younger than she is. Drinking will do that to you. Chris doesn’t understand why his corsage is a number two. It’s because he was Desiree’s second choice. No one explains it to him. Ernest says that Dee has a drinking problem. Dee says that Ernest loves his mother more than her. Ernest says that he was never sexually attracted to Dee. Dee’s sexual comments are beyond the pale. These two almost come to blows. Dee mocks Earnest for having erectile dysfunction and relying on Viagra. Aubrey is messy. Pauly D is meticulous. Aubrey says that Pauly D threatens to leave her. Aubrey says she feels tortured. Pauly D says if she feels that way she should have left a long time ago. Pauly D is 37 and this is his first relationship.
It’s time for the degrading room assignments. This should be fun. The Bachelorette couple is assigned Mr. & Mrs. Not What They Seem (I would have given that to Kim). Mr. & Mrs. Drama Queen goes to Mama Dee and Earnest. Kim and Wynn get Mr. & Mrs. Most Likely To Quit First. Pauly D give himself Mr. & Mrs Train Wreck. That leaves Puma and Quani with Most Likely To Leave Single and Pauly doesn’t think it fits them. Eventually, Paulie D and Aubrey trade their Trainwreck sashes for Most Likely To Leave Single.
Puma and Quani’s room is all about Puma. Quani is not happy. Kim and Wynn’s room has a ton of clocks. Time is running out. Tomorrow is not promised. Aubrey and Paulie’s room is a messy bachelor pad. Chris and Desiree have a dark fairy tale room full of black roses. Ernest and Dee’s room is half jail cell have bar? They start loudly fighting because Dee is drunk. She tells Ernest she wants a real man who can take control. Earnest has had enough and is taking off his microphone when Dee jumps up and starts physically attacking him. She needs to go.
We see some unseen footage after the show. Aubrey talked about Paulie D throwing out all of her shit off the balcony and putting her out with her dogs in 120 degree heat. The producers were worried Paulie would bail the first night. The producers say something will happen with the Bachlorette couple that will rock Bachelor Nation to its core.