I can’t believe that Colton is really going to be The Bachelor. He’s unable to commit to anyone because he is not being his true self. I’m not sure whether or not he knows he is gay, but he is gay. He has to know this right? I broke up with a guy once who really wanted to get married. I was open to getting married, but just not to him. And he didn’t really seem that into me. He bought me lots of gifts. He called them “prezzies.” Bed, Bath and Beyond was one of his favorite stores. The sex was terrible. I actually cried during sex once it was so bad. He introduced me to his family right away and showed up to Christmas with me and my sister. He was uber clingy. And wanted to get married quickly.
He cried forever when I broke up with him and then started bad mouthing me in an Internet forum where we both spent a lot of time. He was a large guy and said that I was fat and I didn’t even care. He insisted I tell him what he “did wrong” and why I would not marry him. I finally told him I thought he was gay. His response? “Why does everyone always say that? I’ve gotten it my entire life!’ I month later he married an actual fat person named Tammy that he met online. This confirmed to me that he wasn’t that into me, he just really wanted to be married. To a woman. I think about him when I see Colton on Bachelor in Paradise. He’s doing what he thinks are the right things, but it’s just not working.
There is a bald-headed guy in a tank top in the group today and I have no clue who he is. Oh apparently he arrived last night and is paired up with one of the other new girls I don’t recognize.
Joe and Kendall get stuck babysitting the returning success stories kids. There was much bawling. Emma and Bella are really cute. Joe was great with the babies. Then Joe and Kendall get to go into town for a date.
Eric and Cassandra are not clicking after the situation with Angela. Cassandra says she doesn’t think Eric is ready for the experience. Eric seems to be having buyers remorse with Cassandra. Eric considers leaving without causing any more damage. Oh Angela left. Did I know that? Eric is upset because Angela left paradise. So Eric is leaving too. He cries telling everyone goodbye. He’s got to follow the cheese. There was so much crying in the car home. So much crying.
Kamil (aka Camille, the finally showed me the spelling of his stupid name) is such a total prick to Shushanna. They are all there to express interest in each other. I don’t think Shushanna is doing anything wrong by looking Kamil’s way. He’s being such a twatwaffle about it. When Kamil says he is in a committed relationship, with Annaliese presumably, Shushanna does ask the truth question, “Have you ever wanted to kill someone?” Okay, so she might be a bit off. But he had no problems making out with her on their date.
Chris and Krystal go on a date and Chris tells her he is in love with her. She seems to feel the same way. They kind of deserve each other.
Annaleise is one of the craziest persons on the island and she clings to anyone who will give her attention. I think that accusing Shushanna of being a witch was one of the most bizarre things ever.
Diggy comes on the island! Why did they wait so long for Diggy to show up? He steals John’s girl for the date. I don’t think John cares that much. He’s just there for the free sex and then he will go back to his rich life and find a suitable girlfriend locally. Diggy’s date with Olivia went really well. The sad trombone (?) player for them to dance by was a bit WOMP WOMP though. #SadTrombone
After talking to Olivia, Shushanna decides to plan a little date with Kiwi Jordan despite turning him down to go on a real date. She’s starting to realize she has to pick someone at the rose ceremony. Is it too little too late? Kevin tells Kiwi Jordan that people think Shushanna is a witch. Meanwhile, Shushanna conveniently has a framed photo of Kamil to burn on her beach side firepit she set up for the Kiwi. Shushanna tells the Kiwi she was jealous after he left on his date. He said he had a great time and looks forward to chatting with his date further. Shushanna abruptly ends their “date.” Shushanna goes to cry and the Kiwi tries to go talk to her. She’s gone straight to crazytown.
Is it me or did we have two shows in a row with no rose ceremony. Four hours a week just makes everything a big blur.
Next week is the merciful end of the trainwreck. Robbie shows up intent on stealing Jenna from Jordan. It looks like there is a proposal at the reunion! And Jenna and Jordan are in bridal wear for the finale.