We’re back on the boat with Louis and Hannah talking about how Hannah is frigid. Wait? This is the season finale? Did they only get eight episodes this season or are they pulling the plug on this shit show?
Louis talks to the guys saying he’s always the scapegoat in the conversations when the truth is that Hannah doesn’t want any sort of intimacy in their relationship. Hannah tells her sister she is not asexual.
Everyone heads back to the house except for Hannah and her sister who refuse to get off the boat with the rest of them. They end up back at the house shortly after the chefs arrive to make dinner. Hannah tries to apologize to Louis but he leaves to “go fuck the shit out of some ho in Turks & Caicos.” I can see his desire to do that but announcing his intentions was not the best idea. He took off on foot and everyone is too drunk to make much of an effort to go after him. I say he’s a grown man, let him go.
Fifteen minutes later the producers talk him back in the house. Why? Why can’t he just go to the damn casino for the night?
Then of course Hannah swoops in on him to talk. Clearly, that is the last thing he wants to do, but Hannah doesn’t care. Once again, Louis tries to dump her and she fights with him about it. Despite the conversation being held behind closed doors, the entire dinner table can hear the conversation. Louis is sick of not having sex. He needs a hand job. He needs a blow job. He need to date a someone who wants to be fucking fucked. Louis says she doesn’t do anything. It’s like having a sister. All of this is going on within earshot of the entire house. Hannah begs him not to dump her. Everyone seems to be team Hannah. I am not. I’m team Louis.
Eventually, the unhappy couple make it to the dinner table. Awkward.
Suddenly, we are back in Savannah.
Catherine has her parents over for dinner. She tells them she and Lyle got along well on the trip. He parents seem to want her to just settle down with Lyle and commit.
Hannah talks to her friend on video chat. She’s still in denial about the end of her relationship. Her friend tells her she needs to let go of the relationship.
Hagood invites her parents to see the finished sake product. They love it. They want her to move to a larger production. But they want her to come back to Darlington to make the sake. Her dad wants to give her the whole farm. He wants her to run the entire farm for the rest of her life. She’s scared. She doesn’t know if she can do it. She doesn’t want to be alone on the farm.
We finally get a Savannah river cruise. These are a lot of fun and you can gamble! Brandon is having a black tie event and Bruce is helping him with the set up. The event is to celebrate Savannah’s 285th birthday. Lyle arrives with a hearse tours “limo” to take her to the event. Savannah has eleventy billion ghost and graveyard tours. It’s big business there and kind of more than a little creepy.
The furs are out for this event and I doubt they are faux. We love our furs in the south and wear them whenever possible. Hagood’s boyfriend Alex arrives for the event. He wasn’t at all what I expected.
Louis seems to regret his behavior in Turks & Caicos. No, dude! Stick to your guns! Move on! Hannah seems to realize she needs to move on. This needs to happen. These two are not right for each other. Hasn’t it been like five years? They try to talk. Catherine has told Hannah about the hooker comment. Because Catherine is a cunt. Hannah wants to know if Louis has ever cheated on her. Is it really cheating if she is withholding sex? Is it really even a relationship? Louis denies cheating on her. He has to be getting it from somewhere. Hannah tries to break up with Louis. These two!
Lyle and Catherine drink a lot and flirt. Catherine trashes Louis and Hannah’s relationship to Lyle.
Hagood seems read to take over the farm.
Daniel wants to walk away from the businesses and do some traveling. His dad suggests he tries to find someone to fill whatever is missing. He seems fine with Daniel going off on his own to find himself.
In news of the weird, we keep getting close-ups of one girl we’ve never seen before. Someone says it is Lyle’s girlfriend and they are pretending not to be together. WTF? The next thing I know, Catherine pulls Lyle aside to tell him she is ready to take a leap of faith with him. She asks him to move in with her. He says yes. So what about the girl in the gold dress?
When Brandon tells Louis about Catherine and Lyle moving in together, Louis says this must be a joke. Then Louis asks Catherine why she told Hannah he was cheating on her. She denies it. He drags Hannah over to ask her in front of Catherine if Catherine told her that he was cheating on her. Catherine says she didn’t really believe he was going to get hookers. (I do.) He asks her several times why she would say that to Hannah with all they are going through? Louis said it was made from a malicious place. Then Louis talks about how Catherine has been cheating on Lyle for 16 years.
Then we flash forward 20 minute to “Lyle’s girlfriend.” She talks to Daniel’s dad and his girlfriend about her relationship with Lyle. They’ve hung out a few times. This is all insane and I don’t see the point of this bizarre ending to the season.
Six months later, Hannah and Louis are back together and still not engaged. Le sigh. Lyle did not move in with Catherine. Lyle says he is single and has asked Catherine to stop contacting him. Catherine claims they are still working things out.
I’m going to need someone to explain the ending of this episode to me.