Watching the clips from last week I recalled that I bailed on you guys after just a few minutes. Hopefully, I can make it all the way through the finale.
This entire episode is going to be about Luann’s cabaret show. I think this was the first one and Luann is very nervous. Luann has already talked to Sonja about keeping her clothes on. Of course we know she doesn’t and it was definitely deliberate and not a wardrobe malfunction.
Out of the clear blue sky we get a scene with Sonja and Ramona at the nail salon. These two have barely spoken all season. Sonja tells Ramona that people expect to see T & A from her when they come see her perform. Ramona tells her to “do you.” Sonja says she would do it if her kid was coming.
Victoria comes to support her mom as she is getting her makeup and hair done. Dorinda stops by Tinsley’s place to pregame before the show. She also teaches Tinsley how to open a bottle of champagne. Dorinda waitressed from the age of 14 to 22. I’ve been a teacher at every level from elementary to college, an editor (yes I actually can edit, I just don’t care to here, it’s not worth my time, a gate agent for Eastern airlines, worked in psychiatric wards with kids as a behavior modification expert, and tons of other jobs. But far the most difficult job for me was waitressing. I just could not keep on top of things on a busy night. I was fired from almost every waitressing job I ever had, the other I quit in dramatic teenage fashion. I absolutely sucked. Plus it’s a very physically demanding job at times.
Dorinda is a bit pissy that John wasn’t invited. She’s lucky she had to be invited or she would not be there either. Scott was invited but he is out of town. Tinsley has not shared that info yet. Dear Lord, I have not looked at the photos that Lady C pulled for me for this episode yet, but there better be a photo of the getup that Carole is wearing tonight. It’s hot mess of sequins. Dorinda is also in sequins but the vertical stripes work on her. Dorinda’s make up is very “drag queen” over the top. Dorinda asked Luann about it and she said if she really wanted John to come he should have bought a ticket. Dorinda is the one who, at least according to the script, hooked her up with Jovani who is loaning her all of her looks and she couldn’t at least give her boyfriend a ticket? To my knowledge no one got a plus one (except for Scott if we believe Tinsley) so this grudge is rather ridiculous.
At the cabaret, Tinsley tells Carole about Scott being invited on the day of the show. That sounds to me like there was an available spot for John at the table. Tinsley asks if she should tell Dorinda and she says yes, because Carole is a huge pot stirrer this season. I was coveting Bethenny’s giant curlers, but I hate how her hair came out. Her hair isn’t even parted correctly. That hair and makeup team missed the mark. I think that Bethenny looks better when she does her own hair and makeup. Carole switches seats with Dorinda sot that Tinsley can rile her up. Does Dorinda really not remember all the shitty things she said to Luann in Cartagena? I don’t think she would have invited Dorinda if production had not required her too. They are not in a good place. The outrage is ridiculous. And probably scripted.
Luann has a great comedy routine. It was really funny. Then Rachel Dratch joins in. It is really funny. Sonja thinks she is the one being motorboated when she motorboats Bridget. I keep thinking of my commenter friend who was kind enough to review Luann’s show here and how these guests are so much better than the one’s she got to see because it was filmed. Luann has a future in stand up. She’s seriously good and should keep her writers. Each time Luann comes out in a new look, Dorinda becomes more infuriated. And drinks. Dorinda is officially Slurinda and keeps shouting out Jovani! The name of the designer she took her to.
Sonja comes up to sing Money Can’t Buy You Class with Luann and unties her wrap dress mid-song. Luann is not really upset about it at all. It’s Sonja, and funny. Sonja says in a talking head, “Give me a little credit, all my dresses are trained to come off after eleven.” The show ends with Chic C’est La Vie. It was a great show. I was quite impressed.
Off to the after party. Bethenny and Sonja talk about what a cunt Dorinda was for basically heckling Luann about the Jovani thing. Is this just a plot point that was agreed upon to mention the name a million times? Isn’t Dorinda supposed to be friends with whoever Jovani is? I’ve never heard of the brand. I’d need CJ Bomb or JoJoFLL to tell me if this is some sort of major deal. They are my online fashion experts. Bethenny and Sonja both think Dorinda needs rehab. Dorinda is going to leave the after party. This is a great idea. Except Bridget Everett seems to be stopping her from leaving.
Bethenny and Carole have a normal conversation. It seems quite pleasant. Then Ramona comes up and Bethenny asks if she can finish her private conversation with Carole. If I were in Ramona’s shoes, I’d be a bit embarrassed and a tad hurt and leave them to talk. Ramona on the other hand wants a timeframe on when she can come back. Ramona is so narcissistic she can’t imagine that maybe two other people need to talk. So she starts going in on Bethenny about not supporting her fake skin care line. THERE IS NO AGELESS BY RAMONA. Try to buy some online and get back to me. Bethenny says she feels no need to give Ramona an explanation. Carole leaves. Bethenny orders another water with limit. Ramona tracks down Carole to vent. Carole tells her to lower her expectations for Bethenny. Ramona thinks this is brilliant advice. I agree. Bethenny is not a Ramona fan and Ramona needs to stop trying to make her one.
Then the coven of four, Carole, Ramona, Dorinda and Tinsley convene to trash Bethenny, Sonja and Luann. Luann makes her entrance. Dorinda complimented Luann and says she is leaving. Slurinda has arrived and is now babbling to Bethenny. She should have left but instead she is getting another drink. The Slurinda gets all fake nice to Luann and gives her high praise for her show and stumbles away. Luann is sad about Dorinda’s behavior.
Dorinda is leaving the UES for midtown? That sounds like a financial problem to me. She and Luann remain estranged.
Ramona lowered her expectations with Bethenny and is living her best life. She too is listing her apartment. And on the hunt for a hot young “swim instructor” since she can’t swim.
I just realized what is wrong with Bethenny‘s look She has no eyebrows anymore. She needs to let them grow back in. She is renting her latest property in the Hamptons out and continues her work with her charity. She and Carole remain estranged. Unfortunately, that is permanent now that Carole has left the show for whatever reason you want to believe. I believe it is because she was so vile at the reunion. She is being Phaedra’d according to my sources. Some things you can’t come back from.
Carole is moving on. That is all we need to know. She has nothing to “move on to.”
I love seeing Luann’s mom. I hope she is on more next season.
Sonja rented her townhouse for full ask (32K a month). She can now add landlord to her list of occupation on her dating profile. On of my pullers sent me her linkedin profile not to long ago. It was hysterical. Just like Sonja. I want Sonja to do well.
Tinsley has formed a special bond with Luann even if Carole wants to collude with her at the reunion. So she gave Luann Scott stopped paying for the penthouse when filming ended and or the hotel stopped giving her the penthouse when filming ended and she is in a smaller apartment in the hotel. She and Scott continue to be on and off. Tinsley gave Luann pillows that say, “What happens in Palm Beach, stays in Palm Beach.” This girl is smart. She is totally playing both sides and will be BFF with Lu next season. Even if she does Carole’s bidding at the reunion as Carole expects. Wait and see if she is a bit more Switzerland.
The end note for Luann is “Riding high after a successful #CountessAndFriends Luann had a stumble and went back to rehab. That makes me think they for sure want her back. And so do I.
So what did you think about this season?