What a drama-filled day at Tamara Tattles Media, LLC today. It’s not just all the posts, it’s all the behind the scenes drama and tea. I’ve been typing and reading since the moment I got up. My eyes are blurry and need a rest, but there just isn’t time.
Hannah uncharacteristically loans Brooke a leather cuff to wear because it matches her out fit. I smell a script. Annnnnd no sooner do we get to the rooftop restaurant when it falls off of Brooke’s arm and almost goes over the edge of the balcony. Hannah says something about how Brooke needs to stop wearing her stuff because she is freaking her out. First of all, Hannah offered! Joao’s job is to pick up on the materialistic storyline with regard to Hannah. Oh it wasn’t the cuff it was one of her earrings that Brooke is also wearing. Brooke talks shit about Hannah all the time yet she wears all of her jewelry?
We get an interview that is supposed to make us like Joao more. His father started his own business fixing tractors or something and somehow that led to Joao getting kidnapped and held for ransom. Whatever, dude. You’re still an asshole. Hannah has a competing interview where she says that she has been working since she was thirteen. Hannah and Conrad are going to Prague after the season and it is discussed at the table. Joao and Brooke stay behind as the others go back to the boat. They have the usual scene where Brooke pours her heart out and Joao reacts with indifference.
Back on the boat, Hannah and Conrad have a fight because apparently he didn’t stick up for her enough with Joao at dinner. Conrad points out that he has to work with Joao. Conrad goes for a smoke on the dock and Hannah smokes alone on the bow.
Adam talks to Conrad in his bunk and talks about nipping it in the bud when an ugly flower starts to grow. In his talking head Adam tells us that Hannah knows she is materialistic, she just doesn’t like to be told. Adam also says he knows he’s a dick and doesn’t need anyone to tell him that either. Hannah is also mad at Brooke.
They seem to have come to the Mediterranean at a bad time of year. The wind is really kicking up again. At the preference sheet meeting, we find out that the primaries are a bunch of California whackjob with eleventy billion dietary restrictions. Oh joy.
I hate these guests already. Also there was just an ad on the screen suggesting that we go to the Bravo site to see Captain Sandy inspection the crew beds with a blacklight. I’d rather not, thanks all the same. Oh God, the guests are Jesus freaks too. Already proselytizing to the crew.
The scenes with Colin talking to his mom on the phone are my favorite scenes of the season. We better get to keep Colin forever and have him as a main storyline.
Meanwhile Hannah is having to load luggage onto the boat while Joao regales the guests with stories about his life. Hannah also has planned an excursion to the castles because the boat isn’t leaving the dock anytime soon, if ever.
Adam is going with Thai food to incorporate all the food preferences. Meanwhile, Hannah is afraid to take care of drink service on the tender because Captain Sandy nearly fired her last time. So why are we not sending the bimbo? Instead Colin is supposed to make Bloody Marys. Except no vodka was packed for the excursion. Hannah forgot to pack it. Le sigh.
Captain Sandy helps Adam out in the kitchen. I don’t get it. Why does he need help? The guests are off the boat. One of the guests comes to the kitchen to flirt with Adam over sushi and bacteria. Apparently, all sushi fish is frozen to kill the bacteria. I’m a fat chick raised in a foreign country who was told to eat anything put in front of her, and I did. I have a broad palate. I’m not down with sushi (aka bait) at all. It’s one of the very few things I won’t eat.
Brooke and Kasey continue to bitch about Hannah. Joao decides to sit down on the deck and chat with the guests! WTF? When Conrad tells Joao not to have sit-down conversations with the guests, Joao gets pissed and runs off to Captain Sandy to question this directive. CAN YOU IMAGINE if someone went to Captain Lee (Stud of the Sea) and pulled this shit? He’d rip this dickhead a new asshole and tell him to follow chain of command! Joao claims to Captain Sandy that he was asked to sit and chat. Sandy tells him, “I know you, you don’t have to worry.”
Adams meals are a huge success. Brooke acts as if she doesn’t always have to do dinner service with Hannah. She feels put upon. What the fuck ever as long as she is on the clock she is supposed to be working so what exactly she does is up to Hannah. When Brooke whines to Joao about it, he tells her basically to get Hannah in trouble. Seriously? Hannah can have Brooke cleaning toilets or doing dinner service of ironing whenever she is not on break. She’s the boss applesauce! Do your job.
It’s 11:15 and Colin wants to go to bed so he asks Joao because Conrad is still asleep. Joao says to go for it. Apparently, Joao is on overnight duties. Colin says that Conrad is leading by example so he is going to bed. He should probably wake Conrad up to ask him because this basically leaves one functioning deckhand, Jamie, on duty. But Joao is lead deckhand so I’m wrong about that, but still. At 12:15 Joao wakes Conrad up. He overslept according to the script. Then Brooke confronts Hannah about “leaving her with all the work.” She accuses Hannah of not doing anything.
Next week: MOTS.
Seems like Captain Sandy will do anything to help to get on camera.
It really irks me.
She’s not doing herself any favors.
She’s not down herself any favors, indeed! She sure has spent a lot of time in the kitchen this year. Last year she was conspicuously absent.
Doing, not down.
My new iPad is starting to have typing problems just like my old iPad Mini when typing on TamaraTattles. Letters get dropped and autocorrected incorrectly. I hope this isn’t a trend. It seems like ad loading is a big problem lately.
And you can’t edit!
Helping if things are super busy or someone is sick is one thing, but that was not the case. She looked foolish to me.
And lol, how fast did Joao get to Capt’s quarters to say he was invited to sit with that guest before Conrad told on him! Gotta get there first!
When he sat down and talk to the guest it reminded me of the kid first season who was fired for the same thing
First, thank you Jamie for giving me another catch phrase for my lady parts: Foofee.
Second, I watched some old episodes of Below deck -straight no chaser- with Kate and crew. Yes some times she comes off as a witch, this was the whole “rocketship blanket” incident, but she really keeps her stews in line and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. And I so want Eddie back
Finally, if you are playing my ‘take a shot when Joao the ass says Zimbabwe’ I counted 3 times and a 4th when Conrad brought it up.
Can’t wait for next week’s hare Krishna hoedown
I would love if Eddie came back!
I’m just a little more than half way through the show and if I had to listen to the primary for a few days I’d throw myself overboard.
I wanted to smack him in the head every time one of his canned statements came out of his mouth. The thought of being stuck on the boat with that schmuck is terrifying.
One thing I’ve noticed about editing in terms of this season, past seasons, and regular Below Deck seasons. We USED to see the mental and phone gymnastics that the chief stew had to go through to get the special requests, the disposable decorations, and just generally restocking and amazingly stocked ship, not to mention taking inventory of that stuff. I even think I remember a chef asking a chief “Can you order that for me”(when it was a food item that didn’t need to be judged”.)
We aren’t seeing that. Sorry – figuring out that kind of stuff may not be as physically exhausting as cleaning toilets, but it sure is work.
And I am sorry…. I don’t care if my bracelet or earrings were handmade from materials out of the recycling bin, if I loved it and I loaned it to someone and they carelessly lost it – I’d be fucking pissed.
Yes!
I’ve learned from sad experience never to loan anything that I would be crushed to lose.
Ditto. I learned the hard way.
You’re right. Sandy getting upset at Hannah during “toast gate” was ridiculous. Hannah probably was sticking to her daily schedule, believing the other 2 stews had everything under control. Which they should have ar that point. Brooke will whine over anything or anyone. She gets under my skin
I agree — we saw Kate doing lots of chief stew work. Not a fair exposition of Hannah’s work. Hannah is getting a really bad edit. And how did Brooke think they were equals?
Exactly. Everyone starts their career or job doing the crap work. I wonder if subconsciously she knows Joao is a jackass, Hannah knows it, so instead of addressing the issue with him she goes after Hannah
TT, you have had a crazy busy day! You are amazing at getting these stories out so fast!. And I’m sure there is more tea to come! Thank you for all your time and effort!
But In the words of Candiace, “you must be weary, go to bed!” ❤️
Sushi (aka bait). Damn it! No more until I can get that comparison out of my head!!
Does Brooke wash her hands when she goes from tidying cabins to carrying dinner dishes up?
Some stray observations…
– Does anyone else think that Sandy is being a giant pussy about taking the yacht out in windy conditions? It’s a big fucking boat, I think it can easily handle some rough surf. If I was a guest and I wasn’t allowed to actually cruise the ocean, I would demand a refund.
– FOOKING MILLENNIALS! I’m looking at you Brooke, Joao and Kasey. Your supervisor does not have the same job description as you. They are tasked with… wait for it… supervising YOU. Maybe you won’t understand this until you’re a supervisor. The editors/producers/Sandy are being especially unfair to Hannah.
– More Colin please. He is comedic genius. Why haven’t the producers on board recognized this yet? And I’m pretty sure he’s gay. ?
– Adam had a horrible season last year. And he’s done a wonderful job with redeeming his reputation. But good god he’s boring AF.
– I think Brooke may be semi-retarded.
Also…
Zimbabwe. I’m a curious person and spend a LOT of time Wikipedia-ing many, various topics. But never have I felt compelled to google “Zimbabwe”. But I now know that (if I win the lottery) I will never, ever visit that shithole. It sounds horrendous.
Zimbabwe is a beautiful country, but I imagine you were simply looking for a way to echo someone. I’m no fan of Joao, but he should be proud to come from that part of the world.
If I meet him and he mentions Zimbabwe … I’m gonna call him “Colonizer” like they do in Black Panther. 🙂
?????? Please!
Right? Haven’t also heard someone beat up Jowwwwow mother while he had to watch and now we hear someone held him for ransom? Jesus. tough neighborhood
Re: Brooke
Yeah she’s a half-wit in permanent heat.
The primary guest is HORRENDOUS.
I don’t think Colin is gay.
Hannah is so stupid! You’re going for Joao’s bait EVERY time, hook, line and sinker.
If you were mature, you wouldn’t let anything that dick said ruin your night, but you let him do it every time.
Hey!! I also have never even tried Sushi. No thanks!
But can anyone confirm that is is always frozen? I don’t think so.
Not to mention that freezing something does NOT kill bacteria!
Freezing sushi (sashimi, actually*) doesn’t kill bacteria. It kills parasites. Freshly (hard) frozen sushi* limits bacteria growth while killing parasites rendering it safe to eat.
* Sushi can be cooked or raw fish always served rice. Sashimi is always raw and served without rice.
https://www.nytimes.com/2004/04/08/nyregion/sushi-fresh-from-the-deep-the-deep-freeze.html
Interesting! Thanks!
Hey!! Thank you!
He was right!
Yes! I so tired of hearing so called professionals saying that freezing kills bacteria. It just slows down their growth, but does kill parasites such as roundworms and tapeworm. Otherwise, we could just freeze all meat and eat it thawed and not have to worry about the internal temperatures. Even Dr. Travis from the TV show “The Doctors” says “freezing kills bacteria” and this just irks me so much.
Hannah for sure is getting a bad edit. Annoying. Love her. Brooke is a dumb ass idiot who thinks it’s ok for her bf to take a dick pic with someone she was competing with for his “attention.” She would have dated the floor mop if it liked her.
But….But…Brooke and the mop had blatant chemistry!
“Floor mop” Ha! Ha! That’s the best. True and sad at the same time. She told Joao about being terribly hurt in the past. Sweetheart, maybe it isn’t the guys you date but whom you choose to date
Brooke would only date the mop if the mop were a total asshole.
There ya go!
This primary says if you pray and bless the food it changes it and makes it good for you. From now on I will bless my gin, olives, cheetos, Lays fried green tomato potato chips, pizza…
I literally threw-up in my mouth a little when I heard that bullshit. Don’t you know that all of his guests were just humoring him. Gag!
WAIT WHAT? Lays has Fried Green Tomatoes potato chips? I need this is my life.
What? Why wasn’t this done 20 years ago?!
That was my first thought, too. Yum. Wondering if they can be found up North..I need that snack in my life.
Hannah didn’t really take her breaks? What about all those smoking “not breaks” she does all day and night? If I were paying all that money for a charter, I wouldn’t want to smell tobacco smoke with my food service. Hannah needs to work on her food presentation descriptions. Without using cutsie words and being too long, the descriptions should lend justice to the food and tantalize the guests.
A local fish with…spaghetti!
? That hand gesture tho
Pussyboy brown-nosing Joao tattling to Capt. Sandy about his sitdowns. Puke. All servers need to learn how to please the guests AND do their jobs. Same with deckhands. He is the epitome of a douche. He is buying into his “status” as a Bravolebrity. I want neither Hannah, Joao nor Sandy next season. Dream team: Either Adam or Ben as chef with a new captain, Eddie as boatswain, Dave and Jamie and Colin on deck, and Kat or Amy as chief stew, with some experienced new stews. Capt. Lee would be perfect, but I think that treasured time off with Marianne is non-negotiable.
Nailed it! Got to get us some Eddie back. And Bruno also 🙂
Oh, yes … BRUNO!
Below Decks Titanic version: Capt. Sandy; boatswain Joao; chef Leo; deckhand Bobby; chief stew Hannah with Rocky as second stew, and a demoted Adrianne as third stew.
That ship would definitely sink by simply hitting a seashell
Perhaps Rocky could don her mermaid tail and swim to shore. That would be OK.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is fuckin hillarious
I just can’t with these fools.
I can not STAND Brooke’s whining anymore. Even her voice is starting to become nails on a chalkboard. “Hannah just wants to be the face of the operation” That’s literally her job. To be the face of the interior. She’s the boss. She gives out the assignments, you go and do them. How is that hard to understand? Don’t like it, then work somewhere else. I’ve worked some sh*tty jobs in my life and never once have I complained that my manager wasn’t doing the same work as me. Hannah may or may not be lazy, but it still doesn’t change the fact that she’s paid her dues in order to be in the position she’s in.
I’m so hoping during the reunion, someone will tell her what you just said!
They were on WWHL last night. Did anyone see if this stuff was discussed between Hannah and the stews?
I think WWHL is on summer hiatus right now. They’ve been showing repeats this week.
BTW I kind of LOL’d when Hannah said in the van that Jeuoww should “go back to Africa” only because it would have been racist AF to say that if he was black but because he’s white, its okay.
And you know she knew this! I was LMAO! Even if I’d have been there when she said it, this woman of color would’ve been laughing the entire time directly in Colonizer Joao’s face.
I wish that they would show Jamie more. I do not remember seeing her once on last nights episode.
We saw her from behind as she slept. Between Jamie and Colin not being shown and Brooke’s whining, I think production is missing the boat (NPI). Even watching Joao douche out and Hannah being a drunken bitch is better than Brooke’s whining.
I just read the Captain Sandy’s surname is “Yawn”. Apropos.
This season sucks. I need me some drunk Kat!