What a drama-filled day at Tamara Tattles Media, LLC today. It’s not just all the posts, it’s all the behind the scenes drama and tea. I’ve been typing and reading since the moment I got up. My eyes are blurry and need a rest, but there just isn’t time.
Hannah uncharacteristically loans Brooke a leather cuff to wear because it matches her out fit. I smell a script. Annnnnd no sooner do we get to the rooftop restaurant when it falls off of Brooke’s arm and almost goes over the edge of the balcony. Hannah says something about how Brooke needs to stop wearing her stuff because she is freaking her out. First of all, Hannah offered! Joao’s job is to pick up on the materialistic storyline with regard to Hannah. Oh it wasn’t the cuff it was one of her earrings that Brooke is also wearing. Brooke talks shit about Hannah all the time yet she wears all of her jewelry?
We get an interview that is supposed to make us like Joao more. His father started his own business fixing tractors or something and somehow that led to Joao getting kidnapped and held for ransom. Whatever, dude. You’re still an asshole. Hannah has a competing interview where she says that she has been working since she was thirteen. Hannah and Conrad are going to Prague after the season and it is discussed at the table. Joao and Brooke stay behind as the others go back to the boat. They have the usual scene where Brooke pours her heart out and Joao reacts with indifference.
Back on the boat, Hannah and Conrad have a fight because apparently he didn’t stick up for her enough with Joao at dinner. Conrad points out that he has to work with Joao. Conrad goes for a smoke on the dock and Hannah smokes alone on the bow.
Adam talks to Conrad in his bunk and talks about nipping it in the bud when an ugly flower starts to grow. In his talking head Adam tells us that Hannah knows she is materialistic, she just doesn’t like to be told. Adam also says he knows he’s a dick and doesn’t need anyone to tell him that either. Hannah is also mad at Brooke.
They seem to have come to the Mediterranean at a bad time of year. The wind is really kicking up again. At the preference sheet meeting, we find out that the primaries are a bunch of California whackjob with eleventy billion dietary restrictions. Oh joy.
I hate these guests already. Also there was just an ad on the screen suggesting that we go to the Bravo site to see Captain Sandy inspection the crew beds with a blacklight. I’d rather not, thanks all the same. Oh God, the guests are Jesus freaks too. Already proselytizing to the crew.
The scenes with Colin talking to his mom on the phone are my favorite scenes of the season. We better get to keep Colin forever and have him as a main storyline.
Meanwhile Hannah is having to load luggage onto the boat while Joao regales the guests with stories about his life. Hannah also has planned an excursion to the castles because the boat isn’t leaving the dock anytime soon, if ever.
Adam is going with Thai food to incorporate all the food preferences. Meanwhile, Hannah is afraid to take care of drink service on the tender because Captain Sandy nearly fired her last time. So why are we not sending the bimbo? Instead Colin is supposed to make Bloody Marys. Except no vodka was packed for the excursion. Hannah forgot to pack it. Le sigh.
Captain Sandy helps Adam out in the kitchen. I don’t get it. Why does he need help? The guests are off the boat. One of the guests comes to the kitchen to flirt with Adam over sushi and bacteria. Apparently, all sushi fish is frozen to kill the bacteria. I’m a fat chick raised in a foreign country who was told to eat anything put in front of her, and I did. I have a broad palate. I’m not down with sushi (aka bait) at all. It’s one of the very few things I won’t eat.
Brooke and Kasey continue to bitch about Hannah. Joao decides to sit down on the deck and chat with the guests! WTF? When Conrad tells Joao not to have sit-down conversations with the guests, Joao gets pissed and runs off to Captain Sandy to question this directive. CAN YOU IMAGINE if someone went to Captain Lee (Stud of the Sea) and pulled this shit? He’d rip this dickhead a new asshole and tell him to follow chain of command! Joao claims to Captain Sandy that he was asked to sit and chat. Sandy tells him, “I know you, you don’t have to worry.”
Adams meals are a huge success. Brooke acts as if she doesn’t always have to do dinner service with Hannah. She feels put upon. What the fuck ever as long as she is on the clock she is supposed to be working so what exactly she does is up to Hannah. When Brooke whines to Joao about it, he tells her basically to get Hannah in trouble. Seriously? Hannah can have Brooke cleaning toilets or doing dinner service of ironing whenever she is not on break. She’s the boss applesauce! Do your job.
It’s 11:15 and Colin wants to go to bed so he asks Joao because Conrad is still asleep. Joao says to go for it. Apparently, Joao is on overnight duties. Colin says that Conrad is leading by example so he is going to bed. He should probably wake Conrad up to ask him because this basically leaves one functioning deckhand, Jamie, on duty. But Joao is lead deckhand so I’m wrong about that, but still. At 12:15 Joao wakes Conrad up. He overslept according to the script. Then Brooke confronts Hannah about “leaving her with all the work.” She accuses Hannah of not doing anything.
Next week: MOTS.