I love this hilarious farce of a dating show and just seeing the fake scenes with doting mothers and crazy intro packages and tiny talking crabs on the sand makes me giggle. The only bad news is that there is no Ashley I. this season because she finally snagged Jared and they are getting married! While no one can cry as well as Ashley I. , I am sure that the photos that Lady C pulled for me have plenty of crying photos to last the whole season.
The thing is I have forgotten all about most of the people. Like Tia, the first to arrive. She’s one of the Arie rejects. There are many of them on this season. The girls whose hearts were crushed by Arie are usually the most desperate and needy. Example Bibiana. Because, Arie. I kind of remember Eric from Becca’s season and that just ended That is how bad my memory is. My brain is just too full of important information to retain the names of reality show participants longer than two weeks after their departure.
Jordan is going to ruin this season for me. He seems to have a thing for Bibiana right off the bat. She may be desperate enough to keep him around
Grocery Store Joe!! He will be the star of this season. The girls already love him. Wills from Becca’s season is there. WELLS IS THE BARTENDER! I am so glad to see him. I feel like I am back at a beach house with old friends. Yes, I know how sad that sounds. I just love this show.
There are four guys from Becca’s season already, Joe, Wills, Jordan and Chris. Now of the girls are excited to see Krystal. She’ literally insane. And desperate. Because, Arie. Oh Joe, why are you going for Krystal? No! Joe! No!
I love that Kenny from Rachel’s season is here. He seems like a good guy. The last guy in was David, who came in the house in a chicken suit and hates Jordan. Tia is heartbroken because she was hoping to sink her hooks into Colton. Oh just realized this is THAT Tia. Of course, Tia got the date card. She is holding out hope for Colton. Tia is the first moron to CRY in fucking PARADISE. Then she picks Chris to go on the date with.
Krystal has her sites set on Joe. But Joe asks Kendall to take a walk with her and they make out. Krystal is ready to move on to the next who happens to be Kevin.
Tia’s date with Chris went great. There were a lot of kisses and they are already paired off. So of course production brings in Colton to fuck everything up the next day. And he has a date card. He asks to talk to Kendall first and then Angela. He finds out that Tia went out with Chris the night before. Bibiana is quick to point the obvious out to Tia that Colton is just not that into her. Because that is Bibiana. He interviewed three prospects and chose to take Tia. Jordan’s comparison of the situation to Vietnam was really offensive.
Astrid (who?) is already pushing for Colton to go home. Tia and Colton go on a romantic boat ride on their date and make out. Tia is also from Arie’s season. They really are all the same desperate girls.
Jordan, the fame whore, is trying to rile Chris up about the entire situation. The fact that Jordan is calling Colton a fame whore for coming on the show is laughable. I’m not eve sure Jordan likes girls. Several of the guys are pissed at Colton. Why? WTF do they care? So Colton walks back into resort all happy ready for a drink with the guys and next week, we will see the firs train wreck.
Who is watching this with me?