Catfish: Breana & Josh

Breana is 26 years old and lives in Minnesota. Twenty-six is old enough to know better. She’s been involved with Josh since she was fifteen, and wouldn’t you know it, he hasn’t married her yet. Actually he won’t even show his face during video chats. He also refuses to accept a plane ticket from her to come to Minnesota. Oh, just give him another decade of your life, sweetie. He probably is your Prince Charming. Never mind that you don’t know where he lives, or if he had a job, or what he looks like. You are in an exclusive relationship! #eyeroll

The first time they talked on the phone, he was sixteen and had a very deep voice. Red flag one. He has ab pics on his profile. Red flag two. Max can’t keep a straight face.

HOLY SHIT. We have finally reached the pinnacle of illiterate child naming. Josh has a sister named Spechel. I am dying here. I may not be able to collect myself to finish this recap. This just beats them all. Even those “Jello triplets.”  This is one shallow gene pool here. The guys are mocking it two and Nev pronounces it like the Church Lady from SNL. “Isn’t that Spechel…” I can’t. This has made the entire episode for me. 

Josh’s current Facebook page follows a lot of females with impaired written communication skills. The guys send several of them DMs while checking into the phone numbers. The first genius to call has long braids just like Deana. Josh calls her wifey just like Deana. They’ve been together for three years.

OMG, Y’all Spechel called and we are going to meet her! I’m so excited! But before we can get there, another girl calls. Her name is Ashley and she is also in an exclusive relationship with Josh and he calls her wifey and he is planning to sow his low quality seed in her. She has actually met him.

Spechel also has long, long braids. Spechel isn’t surprised at all that her brother is a Catfish and helps the guys track him down. The guys now have to go tell Breana that Josh is a serial Catfish. She doesn’t take the news well. Even on the ride over to meet Josh, she wonders if she was just another number to him. Yes. Yes you are. When we get to the meeting location, there is no Josh, there is only Kenneth, Josh’s friend. It seems that Kenneth is most likely who Breana has been talking to. Or not. Kenneth sends the gang to Vegas where Josh is staying with a sister. At the beginning of the show we thought Josh only had one sister. I cannot wait to see what the other sisters’ names are! Maybe Perfeckt? Or Bootiful?

In a rare turn of events, Josh is actually the guy on the Facebook page and the person she has been talking to. Josh basically says that he is homeless and is using other girls for a place to stay and to get money and transportation. Josh says that he wants to be with Breana.

Back at the hotel, Breana says she wants to talk to Ashley about what their relationship is like. When she finds out he’s been saying the exact same things to her, she has the closure that she needs. In the final meeting with Josh, she calls him out and puts him in the friendzone. She is not going to block his number. Josh is back in the homeless shelter and Breana has a new outlook on her single life. She’s really pretty, so she won’t be single for long unless she chooses to be.

This episode DELIVERED. I only wish I could have met Spechel’s sisters.