We’re back in Cannes and I am back wondering if I can remember the names of these people. Probably not. But as my daddy used to say, I’m willing to give it the old college try.
We’re back at breakfast with Monique, Gizelle, and Gizelle’s Ginormous Ego. Monique is throwing Charrisse under the bus for instigating for an invitation for Kyndall to Monique’s charity event. Gizelle says she will never be friends with Monique. They both agree to be cordial. These two don’t seem to have any grudges.
The whole crew goes on a two hour drive to a winery. Things seem to have gone well. The winery is gorgeous. Gizelle is mad a Charrisse about the Kyndall thing because she feels she was really close to Charrisse. Meanwhile, Karen is going to great lengths to mention how great her marriage is. This of course means they will be divorced within the year. Monique has clearly never seen paintings of Adam and Eve wearing fig leaves. She thinks a random evergreen tree is a fig tree.
Candiance wants to address the group about how they treat her. They are too busy taking selfies in the garden with the evening light. Candiance is not very articulate. No one has any idea what she is trying to say. I think Candiance thinks she is deeper than she is. She’s the one looking at things wrong. The car ride back doesn’t go nearly as well as the car ride there. I blame the wine. Ashley and Karen go back and forth about whose marriage is more “real” or something. Karen says that Ashley looks miserable when she is around Michael. I don’t see that, she seems to be into him and probably has a few daddy issues so a man of his age is attractive to her in many ways. The black Bill Gates on the other hand looks ready to flee every time I see him around Karen. It’s clear that Karen called her husband the night before to inquire if he was actually moving to Florida with or without her. She is really pissed at Ashley because Michael is friends with Ray and Michael tells Ashley everything Ray says. Karen tells Ashley that Michael is always crying around her and she can take her fake marriage and shove it up her ass. Karen says that Ashley makes Michael miserable. Candiance sticks up for Karen and tells Ashley to suck a dick. Monique wants to know what color dick she should suck.
Candiance calls Chris and basically says that Ashley, Robin and Gizelle are all meangirling her. She says it all comes from Gizelle.
The next day they go out on a yacht. Ashley approaches Candiance to explain to her that she is new, she doesn’t know the group dynamics yet and Ashley doesn’t appreciate Candiance jump in to defend Karen every five minutes when she has no idea what the situation is. Candiance doesn’t seem to get why it is inappropriate for her to be so opinionated while trying to infiltrate and existing group. The yacht takes them to Eze a gorgeous old town on the water.
It’s finally time for the ladies to dress to the nines just to stand around a cocktail table and fight. These shows are so formulaic at this point nothing can be taken seriously. Apparently, it is a burlesque themed party and they were provided with costumes. Apparently, the birthday girl had last pick of the costumes because hers is the worst in my opinion. What do you think of these looks? But first, one of Gizelle’s girls calls her crying about typical girl stuff. She hangs up and gets right into it with Charrisse. They argue about the Kyndall invitation for the millionth time. Gizelle says she thought Charrisse was genuine in her support of their relationship and now she knows that was all lies and Charrisse is being messy. Karen says that Charrisse and Monique have both defended Gizelle. Gizelle begins to soften just a tad. Gizelle says she is going to give Charisse a kiss later. Charrisse wants it now. Gizelle jokes, “a french one?”
But before any french kisses are given, some French burlesque dancers come out to perform. Robyn and Ashley join in and have their own little dance performance worked out. I think it was a reinactment of Robyn and Monique’s fight outside one of the previous restaurant fights involving an umbrella. Robin and Monique hug it out. Monique says she takes responsibility for her part in that and admits she could have behaved better. Robyn does the same. And just like that almost everyone is back to getting along.
Then Candiance sang Happy Birthday in French to Monique. Damn she has some pipes. It was a simple happy birthday song and I got a bit emotional. We need to hear more of that. The cake was gorgeous and we didn’t see them do anything disrespectful to the cake. It’s a happy ending!
Next week, Robyn does a home reno, (Speaking of home renovation if you are not following Cho’s you are missing out on some fun weekend stories!) Monique and Chris make up, Ashley tells her mother that Chris is concerned about having kids with her because she might parent like her mother. And Gizelle, Robyn and Ashley don kooky disguises to investigate where Karen really lives.