Finally, RHONY is back! I am not ready for this season to end but it is starting to wind down because they talk about the Cartagena trip on this episode.
Luann is practicing for her cabaret show. Oddly, she doesn’t really sing on the camera. She mainly sing-talks or sings along with the pianist. No one really cares about that though. She’s going to get Sonja to do some of the singing. Sonja promises Luann that she will keep her clothes on, but we all know she doesn’t keep her word. Luann wants the show to be a snatch free zone. Sorry, Luann.
Tinsley shows up to Carole’s apartment for a present. Is it her birthday? Because Adam sent her five dozen tulips. They are really pretty. Carole says that Adam wants back in her life and she isn’t sure what to think about that. Puhlease. She is so sprung over that boy. Tinsley gives her fingerless mitten that make a heart in her hand when she puts them together. Banjo just had to go out and now he is losing his damn mind in the back yard. I am already behind on this recap. Adam was in the building visiting the shared dog and just showed up at her apartment and walked in with the dog at ten pm. Do people in NYC really leave their doors unlocked?
Tinsley says that Scott wants to live together in NYC. I do not believe her. He has a very large business in Chicago that makes a lot of money and he needs to be there to oversee things. But Tinsley is telling this story her way. And the are traveling Europe again right now. So who knows what he tells her. My take away is that he is getting her an apartment because the hotel bills are so damn expensive. Apparently, he is going to rent the penthouse apartment in the same hotel she lives in now. So she can still order room service. As they are talking she gets a delivery of flowers with a speed dating party invitation. All the single girls are going speed dating.
Sonja stops by to see Bethenny and she gets more free SkinnyGirl jeans in some magenta color. Sonja says this is the color of the year. Bethenny wants to know who decides such things and Sonja points out that she is a fashion forecaster. Bethenny starts joking about her putting that on her dating profile that currently lists dozens of jobs that only exist in Sonja’s airy head. Apparently, Sonja got accepted to Aria and she is already getting likes. The app just took all the jobs Sonja has ever mentioned online and put them all under her occupation. Sonja moons Bethenny and Bethenny slaps her ass. I like how these two are having fun this year.
Dorinda takes Luann to pick out some dresses from a designer for her shows. Luann looks perfect in every dress she tries on. Seriously. Everything fits her like a glove. Luann talks to Dorinda about her court issues. We all know she was not really charged with anything in the end. Still at this point, I’m sure it was very stressful.
Tinsley keeps her shoes on the kitchen cabinets and her sweaters in the oven. This reminds me of a guy I used to “know” on the Internet in a previous life. #partypigs
Luann and Carole go out for a coffee shop. Luann has just been to an AA meeting. Carol is being nice to Luann for a change. They talk about Sonja and how her act is too raunchy for Luann’s show. Clearly the whole open wrap dress with no panties was RHONY storyline.
Dorinda takes Luann to her church. It’s quite beautiful. I don’t why I never thought to go in the churches in NYC, I go in all of them in Europe. Luann says that quitting drinking is a hard habit to break. They light candles for Luann. Dorinda invites Luann for speed dating. She just wants her to have some fun but she doesn’t really want her to date just yet. They say a prayer for Lu’s recovery and light a candle. It was a very sweet scene.
Andy is wearing the same damn pink suit he wore for last night’s WWHL for tonight’s episode with Sonja. Why? I know he had the reunion yesterday but what is with these not-so-live live shows?
At speed dating, Ramona is a hot mess right off the bat. She asks a gentleman what nationality he is. He says, “American.” Ramona’s hope is to find someone smarter than her. That shouldn’t be a problem. Sonja is a hot mess too. Bethenny is open to speed dating because Dennis is not capable of being a partner. They are still together last I heard but they seem to fight a lot. Bethenny knows one of the guys. Tinsley and Dorinda are just observing. Ramona drops that she has a house in the Hamptons and seems to be stealing the guy the hostess had in mind for Carole. Then that guy moves on to Bethenny and this is the guy she knew from Miami. He claims he came to meet Bethenny. Bethenny is not really into him. The Countess was paired with a guy who was terrible at conversation and she seemed uncomfortable. Ramona kisses another guy on the lips for saying she looked his age, 44. Carole never got to meet the guy that is bouncing between Bethenny and Ramona. He was supposed to match with Carole. There are apparently only half a dozen age appropriate single straight men in NYC and they just pass them around. Ryan is the new Tom. Bethenny does a cruel imitation of Ramona interrupting her conversation with Ryan to bring him a drink. It was funny. But still mean.
Tinsley invites the girls to Cartagena. Except Sonja is having a serious, yet drunken conversation with one of the guys about BDSM. She complains that most guys don’t know how to spank. He whispers in her ear that he has a cat o’nine tails and she would be tied up and helpless. He says when they are done she would have hand marks all over her ass. She says, “OMG, I love handmarks the next day.” Jesus. Where was Luann to give these two a lesson in appropriate discussions to have with strangers over cocktails while on camera when you have children?
Next week: We are going straight to the trip from hell. It’s the new scary island on a private island. Ramona needs a wheelchair. Sonja is stuck in an elevator. Bethenny may have gone on a date with Ryan. Carol may be pissed about it. Dorinda and Bethenny drunk fight at dinner.