I am so glad that Below Deck is back tonight! I might have been a bit bored with a whole week without Bravo. That said, I didn’t miss Captain Sandy or Joao at all. I really tried to like Captain Sandy and hate how some of the crew calls her “Sandy” it seems very disrespectful and no one would dare call Captain Lee, “Lee.” Can you imagine?
We start right away with Joao sucking up to Captain Sandy and Captain Sandy complimenting him. I just can’t this storyline is played out.
These guests seem to be really enjoying themselves and Adam’s cooking. They are really goofy with their strange animal masks.
Adam and Hannah were getting along so well at the beginning of the season. How did they get to this point where they can’t stand to be in the same room together?
Colin, Kasey and Jaime have to set up a picnic on top of a mountain. They have to take a chairlift there. They have only one person seats! I could not do this. I am anxious just watching. They are so high up!
Joao is left on the board to set up water toys. Captain Sandy thinks he is fantastic.
I like Hannah and Conrad together. I think they make a cute couple. The picnic went off without a hitch. That almost never happens. Sadly, the ocean is starting to get a bit rough. Then they get some giant swells and the boat starts rocking. Some of the guest are very seasick. And of course Kasey is sick too. Captain Sandy is going to try to move them to calmer waters. Yet she still has time to bitch out Conrad and Hannah. She literally sent Conrad to ask Hannah her food and then bitches because they are talking to each other.
Brooke is going to throw a “30th birthday party” for Hannah. It’s a true kiss-up move. Captain Sandy bitches about everything Conrad does. Literally everything is a huge deal to her. She is ruining my summer yachting in Italy. How can you be so bitchy in such a gorgeous location? It’s time for these guests to leave. I think they were the best guests of the season so far. These people will forever be the worst. The primary gives high praise to Adam and the entire crew for all their hard work. It was a trip of a lifetime. He gets a bit choked up. I love these guests.
Conrad tries to clear the air with Captain Sandy. She’s pissed about his relationship with Hannah and continues to claim it is messing with his job when he it isn’t. She says she’s never had a Bosun calling the chief stew on the radio that much. She’s just a bitch. There I said it. When Conrad tells Hannah, she is pissed. She says they just won’t talk then and we’ll see how smoothly the next charter goes with no communication between the interior and the exterior.
The tip was lower than usual. I think $1,080 a person for a two day cruise is an extremely good tip. Adam gets a lot of praise. Then she tongues Joao’s dumb ass because he put out all the toys while the crew was on shore in Capri. They get a day off the next day at a beach resort. That seems like a great tip as well.
Brooke, Adam and Conrad dash into town to buy things for Hannah’s fake birthday. I’m sure Captain Sandy will ream his ass for this too.
At the dock party for Hannah, Colin tries to engage Brooke but she is missing all of his signals. Brooke is an idiot. Colin is miles above Joao and Adam and yet, she makes no effort with him. Joao invited some of his friends. A cat who was not invited was caught by the camera licking the meat that they are going to grill but seemed to go unnoticed by the revelers. Brooke tells Joao’s friends that she’s into Joao and thinks he is great even when he gets drunk and acts like a dick. Brooke needs a wake-up call. Joao is a dick sober and drunk. He’s just a dick. As she is talking, Joao is inviting Kasey to come to Zimbabwe. She watches as the two of them hug and carry on. Conrad bought Hannah pink Crocs for her birthday because she really hates that Adam wears then in the kitchen. She’s not amused. Hannah throws them in the water! WTF? Those things are not inexpensive!
Hannah and Conrad have a full on cake fight like a couple of New Jersey Housewives. Meanwhile, Brooke is miserable watching Joao and Kasey canoodling all night. Joao says he has made his decision and it’s Kasey. The episode guide for this show says, “During the celebration, the love triangle appears to be tipping in Kasey’s favor forcing Brooke to either take a chance and go for Joao or risk missing out forever.” As if Joao is some prize. What is she missing out on? Douchebaggery for the rest of charter? When Kasey briefly leaves Joao’s side, the pathetic Brooke moves right in. She says that she and Joao have “blantant chemistry.” She seems near tears. This is just so embarrassing. She begs him to tell her how he really feels. Then he just starts making out with her. They have Ott Rose on the table, that’s a tasty Rose! Now poor Colin has to watch the fool he foolishly likes make out with the douchebag. Kasey sees this and is pissed.
Next week: When Brooke tells Hannah that Joao kissed her, she says, “If you are going to do something with him, she needs to just stay the fuck away from her. Jaime is really sick with something contagious so it looks like she will be out for the remainder of the season. Nightmare guests, Kenny and Amber return to cause trouble. I think they are the “no onions” guest that Adam sabotaged last season. Hannah is falling hard for Conrad. Joao got some bad news and is crying. I hope it means he has to go home.