For a second there, I thought this episode didn’t tape and I was relieved. We are going to have fireworks for a fucking week or more and all Banjo does is bark and flip out. I have a muscle relaxer or something for Wednesday night, but tonight is really fairly tame and he is still pissed. He’s also started barking for no reason at all during the day. I do not need this in my life.
Karen and Candiance got for a fish pedicure. I REALLY want to do this. I thought it was illegal in the US? Now I feel the need to Google. I do have childhood trauma from swimming in the Mediterrean sea as a kid full of minor cuts and bruises and having fish nibble my cuts and scabs. But still if they were making themselves useful eating all the dead skin on these old people feet (apologies) I’d be thrilled. And ticklish. Then Kindall shows up so Karen can bitch about Gizelle. The only one of these bitches I really like is Ashley. But God Help Me I also like Gizelle who was married to the shady preacher with a billion baby mommas, allegedly.
When Karen hears from Candiance of her horrifically low insults in her fight with Chris she tells her she was wrong. I said some things to one of my exes in the heat of the arguement that I regret to this day and we have been broken up for years. I cut him to the quick. I mean he deserved it, but unlike him I have a conscience. In other nail salon news, I love a pedicure but I always get a manicure too. I hate sitting in that chair with two people working on me and I hate it more when it is longer and it is one at a time. I think I am going to go get just a pedicure soon. Then go get a manicure another day, then go get another pedicure because these hooves need lots of help. Because I have such out of control anxiety, I’ve learn to break shit down into smaller bites.
Monique and Chris go on a date to a winery. I honesty don’t know who these people are really. But I think she is the one that “didn’t drive her car into a tree because she drinks too much” so Bravo is clearly fucking with her. I forget who does production on this show but my dealings with them were very professional quick fast and easy in stark contrast to Haymaker. Dear God Haymaker is a bunch of morons. No one wants to work with or for that Southern Charm company. Chris is gigantic. I love that. He’s also threatening to smash things. I like that too. I like a big guy. They make me behavior better. Eventually. LOL But most importantly they make me feel safe. Safeish. As close as I get to feeling safe. Wait did Monique just a call Karen “sweet?” Did Chris just get bleeped for calling Charrisse his wife’s ace boon coon? So ridiculous with the words we can and cannot say on TV. Monique is confused why Charrisse is pissed at her. Chris is the guy that is “paying for” the cast trip to Cannes.
I have always loved Ashley. I am so happy to see her taking control of the restaurant. I hear from people all the time who have been to the restaurant and met her that she is a sweetheart and runs out coffee refills and food and is seriously running the place. I don’t recall knowing she was the Miss America of DC, like for real in the pageant. That’s so cool. The restaurant is having an open mike night. She’s going to have her brother sing a song to influence Michael.
Monique,I mean production, has everyone’s invites to Cannes delivered by a mime. I kind of love it. Robyn is first. Karen and Gizelle get together for lunch. Gizelle wants to make up because she misses Karen’s drunk phone calls at three am. SHADE! My lady sitter would never miss my drunk phone calls at three am (at least it is midnight her time) unless I were dead. Then she would miss them a lot. I hope. LOL. So at their make up lunch, the mime shows up. I don’t mean to me attacking Karen’s looks at all, but if you have a large mole on your face, should you not get it removed if only to see if it is cancerous? I keep meaning to got to a dermatologist for a mole check but the last time I went it was a fancy Buckhead place trying to sell lotions and potions (I actually bought something made from dead baby fetuses or something and posted about it here somewhere. Fish for it in comments) but I was not pretty enough for her to treat me like a fellow human. I’m serious she was awful. So I have to find a new place in Atlanta if anyone knows of a good one. I am on Gizelle’s side but this is such a staged event where the mime show up on cue when Gizelle says clown. Why do they stag this so obviously? Why don’t they just not tell them about the mime? They dismiss the mime and continue fighting.
Candiance and Chris get a prenup. Chris is apparently poor. Or not. He has assets too. Candiance wants alimony. The lawyer says they need separate attorneys.
Why do housewives like cold shoulder looks? Candiance and Monique try to air out their differences. Charisse thinks Monique is using her. Monique cries. They hug it out. Did the mime come to Charisse or nah? Meanwhile Robyn and Gizelle are going to pretend like they are not going. Ask Kenya Moore how that works out
The ad for WWHL includes an ad to watch Kandi Koated Nights. I have A LOT that I have not shared about that. I keep forgetting. Someone remind me later because I just want to get done and watch Big Brother!
It’s time for open mic night but Michael
had to go visit his boyfriend in London had a business trip. Sheila, Ashley’s mom shows up. Ashey’s restaurant has horrid floral arrangements. And has horrible musical (?) guest that are ALMOST as bad as the flowers. Whatever, fights ensued but all of these bitches are going to Cannes,