Clearly they are going to run that Luann arrest footage for every single episode all the way through the reunion because Luann is the Kenya of RHONY.
Dorinda goes to see Luann at her new filming apartment. Luann looks like she has lost a lot of weight in rehab. Perhaps that is what the cookies are for. Side note. Luann is selling (may have already sold) her Hamptons place and is currently living in the Catskills. She seems to love it there it’s out of all the traffic and snobbish drama and seems very peaceful. She generally only lives in NYC during filming so this apartment is probably a short lease. I’m starting to notice that all rich people have Nespresso machines. The machines themselves are not that outrageously expensive, at least on the lower end, but the still pay a buck or more per pod to make a cup off coffee. It must be really good coffee.
Dorinda is being so sweet to Lu and says she wants to leave with her a half an hour before the other girls so that Luann can have the nicest room. I already smell a storyline where Sonja and Ramona leave an hour earlier to the best room. Well, except for the fact that Ramona has abandoned her friend this season to go to the darkside with Carole. Luann is already pissed with Ramona because she heard that Ramona was trying to get an invitation to Tom’s NYE party in Palm Beach on the yacht Lu and Tom used for their rehearsal dinner. Dorinda says of Ramona’s behavior, “That what you call a real slob kabob.” Yep, I’m adding that to my lexicon after ‘shithead’ and before ‘slore.'”
Carole, Tinsley and Ramona have their own bitch mobile and Bethenny is riding with Sonja. Bethenny puts Sonja in front so perhaps she will chat with the driver and let her get work done. I see you Bethenny. Carole can’t wait to interrogate Luann about the worst night of her life. Ramona starts trash talking. Carole says Luann’s dress was the real crime. Carole is a bitch for saying that on camera, however, I do have to agree. That dress was horrible. Dorinda an Lu are riding up together. Dorinda’s hat is everything. If I had that fur hat I’d be wearing it right now in Georgia in the 95 degree heat.
Luann tells Dorinda in the car, and us in a talking head about the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night. We all know what happened so I’m not going to type it all out again. Click on links to get caught up. As it turns out, she is going to be just fine and will have probation and if she keeps her nose clear it will be as if it never happened. Thank God for first offender leniency. Bethenny texted Carole to ask why they are not riding together because they are practically neighbors. Bethenny doesn’t really understand what the deal is with Carole. Remember last week they hugged it out. Bethenny says the thing that Carole is mad about is something that Dorinda told Carole that isn’t true. I believe that. Dorinda is a bit of a shit stirrer this season. Bethenny just wants a nice spa experience. Good luck with that Bethenny.
Luann’s story about the jail cell and not having any shoes or a blanket or anything was somehow comical. Especially the part about her biting into her bologna sandwich with the mustard pack inside. It’s awful and sad and yet the way she tells the story is really funny. Luann says they had shackles on her ankles when they took her to the courtroom.
Bethenny is just so stylish this season. So is Lu. Bethenny and Sonja are happy to see Lu. We get a montage of COUNTESS Luann being the COUNTESS. I miss those days, but Bethenny is mocking them. Perhaps she doesn’t have the level of class and sophistication one might expect from a Countess but I loved that Luann thought she did. Sonja says she has not been drinking since Costa Rica.
For some reason Dorinda wants to keep Bethenny and Sonja in the lobby until the three bitches arrive. Bethenny is not having that. She wants to settle into her room. So she does. The other three stay in the lobby. Bethenny and Sonja are sharing the suite I guess. Lu and Dorinda have already picked rooms. Sonja and Lu share a long hug. Sonja says she doesn’t know the right things to say Then she tells Lu that Tom sent her an invitation to his NYE party.
Luann asks Ramona where she was on the holidays and she doesn’t mention at all trying to go to Tom’s party. Carole asks Luann how she got out of the handcuffs. So we see the footage AGAIN. That’s twice so far on this episode. Bethenny keeps the conversation light.
Tinsley and Carole get together to gossip. Tinsley’s pissed because her mugshot is now popping up on Google because of Luann. Hey production, why didn’t you show her mugshot again?
Dorinda and Lu were talking in Lu’s room and Ramona comes in and crap just starts falling out of her mouth. Because, Ramona. The Ramona starts with the whole women supporting women and friendship and a bunch of other psychopathic babble. Luann is seething but says nothing. Yet.
The ladies go out to dinner and have a lovely private dining room with a fireplace. I want to go there. I’d like to spend a month or two in the NE during the fall one year. The ladies start talking about their nails and how it relates to their sex life and the music they like to play during sex. These women have these conversation all the time and it boggles my mind. I’d be fine if this conversation came up when I was out with a group of girls over some cocktails, but this group just seems to think that dinner conversation is about sex. Every. Single. Time. I’m having flashbacks to Luann saying, “No talking about anal sex at dinner!” on some trip. When they talk about music and sex, Bethenny says, “I’m just not that into blowjob ballads and cunnilingus calypso.” This is why I love Bethenny and it also reminds me of this one time I was giving… Oh. Nevermind. #oversharing
Luann and Ramona have some back and forth about her trying to get invited on the boat for his NYE party (he turned her down) and Ramona says “I didn’t even get invited to the wedding, so let’s call a spade a spade.” No, let’s call a boot call a booty call and booty calls don’t get invited to the wedding. In general other people the bride or groom have screwed do not get invited to the wedding. Luann says that Ramona makes Benedict Arnold look like Betsy Ross. Ramona doesn’t even offer one of her fake apologies. Ramona says she is having a party next week and she is inviting Tom. She said it as a joke but everyone believes her because, Ramona. Everyone just lets Ramona off the hook.
Sonja and Bethenny are sharing a room and they both put on Korean face masks. It’s funny, Sonja is shaving her tongue. It’s gross but funny. I am officially putting Grace Mayflower on my NE travel bucket list. The next morning everyone comes to Lu’s room for breakfast. Bethenny compliments Sonja’s slippers so you know this is storyline. Sonja says that it is her shoe line and the deer is part of her family crest. Dorinda decides to be a giant cunt and mock her for claiming the Morgan crest as her own. Bethenny point out that Dorinda has monogrammed luggage with her married last name. Then she slut shames Sonja in her talking head. I should point out that this is breakfast and Dorinda can’t possibly be more than two or three shots from her private minibar in.
Bethenny and Sonja go back to their room and are freaking out over Dorinda’s random attacks. Later, Luann says that her publicist has called and he is flooded with calls because Ramona put a post on social media with the title “the gang is all here” letting everyone know she is out of rehab. Oh, Ramona, what a slob kabob you are. Ramona is clueless.
Next week: We’re still at the Mayflower. Bethenny tells Dorinda she doesn’t feel safe with her. Ramona acts like none of her actions have consequences. Tinsley confesses to Carole that she tried on wedding dresses, so you know Carole will tell Adam who will tell Scott. Bethenny says that is like going to tryout coffins. Dorinda continues to take cheap shots at Sonja.