We start with yet another surgical patient. Craig apparently torn a few tendons in his pinky while trying to stab a butter knife into a wall. I mean we’ve all done that once or twice, right? Craig and Austen are taking a trip to Greenville to pick up “his beer.” I love Greenville. I taught near there once and it is a really cool day trip. There is a cute little artsy fartsy environment there. Lots of festivals, outdoor stuff to do. It’s cool. Austen is having a party and it sounds Like Victoria and Chelsea are both invited and they have not spoken to each other since Hilton Head.
Chelsea and Naomie go to walk dogs on the beach. Naomie is in a boot. I forget if she was last week. This cast is like the walking wounded. I don’t think Banjo would come back if I let him off leash at a beach. I tried it in the mountains once and I had to chase after him through bear country for quite a while. Naomie posted tons of photos of Kathryn and Thomas getting along at Saint’s birthday party just to piss of Ashley. Naomie is a bitch, but in this case it is warranted. Naomie claims that the other day Kensie accidentally called her Ashley. Chelsea tells Naomie things are fine with her and Austen. She just doesn’t want to be around him when he is with Victoria.
Cameran’s mom is thrilled to be a grandma. Cameran is still adjusting to motherhood. She has no intention of having another kid. Cameran has an over-supply of milk. This seems to keep her from being able to leave the house. She didn’t breast feed for long and her social media was over run with trolls.
Craig and Kathryn meet up for lunch. I missed where they are because I was typing. Kathryn is happy working at Gwynn’s. Thomas is tweeting Kathryn Kipling poems. With regard to Ashley she says that Thomas is probably “acting out” on her and then buying his way out with money. Thomas has always been frugal but with Ashley he’s paying for a lot. That’s because she has all of his deep dark secrets and knows where all the bodies are buried.
Ashley and Thomas had a falling out last week and she went back to Santa Barbara. Thomas goes in to get a family crest ring. He decides to get a matching one for Ashley. I don’t believe anything being said in this promotional piece. Whitney says Thomas just sent Ashley packing and now he buying her a ring? Thomas starts talking about how everyone loves Ashley. Thomas is lying out his ass now. He is referring to his family, but I happen to know that the family did not care for Ashley at all. He’s lying out lie hole again. I doubt we will ever see one of those rings.
Insert Craig’s fabric shopping here.
Shep drops trou in a public bowling alley to put a knee brace on under his pants. He’s such a tool. Kathryn shows up to bowl with him. There is more scripted flirtation.
We meet a new friend of Austen’s named Alexandra. They’ve been BFFs since college. She’s excited to meet Chelsea and Victoria at tonight’s tasting party.
Ashley is back on town and bitchier than ever. She can’t miss out on an all cast filming opportunity.
Chelsea is totally dressing for Austen and Victoria. She wonders if Victoria is hotter than she is. The answer is Victoria can’t hold a candle to Chelsea.
JD is one of the first to arrive at the IPA party. I really thought he was written out after the first few episodes. With Thomas gone next season, there won’t be anyone for him to film with. I guess we are getting a threefer. When Thomas and Ashley arrived, JD asked what they got into last night. Thomas replies, “A fight.” Peyton arrives with a date we haven’t seen before. She’s still trying to get a gig on the show.
When Kathryn walks in she immediately has the attention of Thomas, JD and Ashley. She admonishes to two old creepers not to stare.
Victoria arrives last and breezes right past Chelsea ignoring her greeting. Ashley confides in Craig that she and Thomas are “struggling.” This seems to mean he’s not meeting her financial expectation. While that conversation is going on, Thomas goes to flirt with Kathryn. He seems to love winding people up and this is certainly working on the little trollop.
It’s Ashley’s birthday. She tells JD that she’s 33 and a little too old for Thomas. Thomas says she is getting there. Look, Wench, I’ve been know to shave a few years off my age here and there, but when your on TV and your birthday can be googled, it’s hella stupid.
Everyone except for Peyton and her date claimed to love the beer. Victoria, Kathryn and Naomie don’t know the word “trepidation.” How is this possible? Chelsea joined this little threesome and I’m sure she could explain the word to them but Victoria already has her stank face on. When Chelsea pulls Victoria aside, one of them, I think it was Victoria said, “I feel like I am walking the plank.” Naomie and Kathryn don’t know if that phrase refers to a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know what is worse. Are they really that stupid? Or just pretending to be stupid. Kathryn reads a lot of books. It’s just wrong if she is faking stupid for the cameras. That is not girl power.
Chelsea tries to explain the photo of her on the boat with Austen. Victoria doesn’t believe anyone. Austen’s friend Alexandra says she doesn’t know if Victoria is the one for him. Plus filming is almost over and he needs to phase her out and pick a new girl for next season.
Next week: Kathryn goes missing. I know what happens and it is a crappy storyline for production to give her. I mean the way they filmed it was just not cool with me. Austen blocked Victoria after she threw a drink at him.