Well, this is the episode we’ve been waiting for. The news breaks about Luann’s shocking arrest and the tongues start wagging in New York City. At this point, Luann’s attorney has already whisked her away to rehab.
We start with Bethenny flying to Chicago to give a speech while Brynn is in school and planning to return before the school day is over. That’s risky. What if her flight back gets cancelled or delayed? Perhaps she is flying private. Bethenny talks to her driver about Luann.
Carol and Tinsley talk on the phone about Luann’s arrest. Carole is in Los Angeles because all this happened when they were on a holiday break. Ramona and Dorinda are also chatting. Ramona says she drank a lot after her divorce as well. Ramona and Tinsley were both in Palm Beach when Luann was arrested.
Sonja’s house is a disaster and not just from construction. She is going to stay with Tinsley in her hotel room for a couple of days.
I don’t care about Ramona’s skincare line. Would I use it if she sent me some? Absolutely. I am always rubbing stuff on my face. I just slathered it with coconut oil seconds ago. The coconut oil takes the letters off my keyboard, so that’s an issue. I know everyone says that Ramona is some great business woman, but I have seen no signs of that.
Bethenny reached out to Carol over the holidays hoping their issues were behind them and Carol did not respond in kind. Bethenny is also confused as to why Dorinda is making such a big deal over her reaction to the Nutcracker thing. We get new footage of Bethenny telling Dorinda how grateful she is that the nutcracker was found. This was apparently in the Berkshires and she gives Dorinda a big hug and tells her how grateful she is. What does Dorinda want? A tongue bath? Dorinda was trashing Bethenny again just this week on Juicy Scoop. She says that Bethenny is edited to look the best. Please. Bethenny has been edited as a bitch nearly every season, it takes some doing for Dorinda and Carole and Tinsley and Ramona to look as bad as they do this season.
Bethenny is throwing the biggest Skinnygirl Infomercial Party we’ve ever seen. It’s super over the top and it is the debut of her new line of Skinnygirl jeans. Every other Skinnygirl product known to man is there as well. It’s amazing.
Tinsley arrives first. Apparently, she did not get an engagement ring for Christmas but she got a hefty diamond tennis bracelet that is nothing to sniff at.
Sonja arrives looking like a character in Fargo. She immediately starts begging for olives from the bartender. She’s vegan now. Oh Lord. Get that girl some chicken or something to keep the crazy at bay. Oh wait. She saw a seafood raw bar and the whole vegan thing is out the window.
As Bethenny is giving her speech about her all female design team, Dorinda hobbles in. She apparently dropped a sterling silver salt grinder on her foot and is in a boot. Bethenny asks Dorinda if she is mad at her. She said she was so upset over the holidays about their situation. I hate Dorinda’s talking head look. It makes her look like someone’s grandmother. Anyway, Bethenny says she is sorry if she didn’t thank her enough at the party in front of everyone. She points out that Dorinda didn’t do exactly what she thought she should do the night before they went to Puerto Rico and they got past it because they are friends. Dorinda and Carole are on this big kick about Bethenny always bringing up their worst moments. I just thought Bethenny was saying that they all disappoint each other sometimes but they are friends and they move forward. Bethenny says if Dorinda is over it she should stop talking about it behind her back. Dorinda throws Carole under the bus as the person who thought Bethenny failed to show the appropriate appreciation. Bethenny says Ramona told her that Dorinda was very upset and that upset Bethenny. Dorinda says Ramona doesn’t have permission to tell Bethenny how she feels. I have absolutely no interest in the conversation. They hug it out.
Let’s move on to talking about Luann. Again. Tinsley is drunk telling Ramona how bad Luann’s situation is. Then Tinsley, Dorinda and Bethenny have drunken conversations about Luann. Bethenny seemed very appreciative that the girls showed up.
The next day a very hungover Bethenny goes to meet Carole for lunch. Bethenny says she went home around three and when she woke up her hair pieces were in a bag of potato chips. They start off talking about Luann and how she slipped out of her handcuffs and threatened to kill everyone. Then Bethenny says, “So are you upset with me? What’s going on?” After a lot of talking around the issue, it seems that Carole is upset because Bethenny said unflattering things about Adam to her in a phone call. Bethenny thought they were broken up but apparently they were not. Carole says that Bethenny was texting her crap about Ramona being a horrible person over the holidays. Carole says she just told Bethenny that the conversation was too big for text, could they just get together and talk in person when she gets back. She said Bethenny would not stop texting her. Carole was pissed that Bethenny kept telling Ramona she seemed sad. Bethenny thinks Carole is being critical and picking on her. She’s not. She is trying to answer Bethenny’s original question about why Carole is upset with her. Bethenny is being very defensive and is not listening to her. They don’t seem to get anywhere. Bethenny wants to hug it out, Carole reluctantly agrees because she is not a hugger. Zero was accomplished in the conversation. Bethenny says she can’t deal with any more issues coming between their friendship. They joke about needing couples therapy.
Speaking of jokes, Sonja has arrived at Tinsley’s suite. By the way, Scott is absolutely paying for the suite. Tinsley says that there are no rules. She can do anything wants and have people over. Either Scott has rented Sonja the Penthouse or more likely the hotel has offered it up to Sonja as free advertising. Either way, Tinsley doesn’t have to room with Sonja anymore. And
Scott Tinsley has bought Sonja a Louis Vuitton bag. It’s full of slippers and a robe. Tinsley thanks Sonja again, for the millionth time, for letting her stay with her.
Dorinda hobbles to a park bench in NYC and Luann calls her from rehab. Luann tells Dorinda that she was overwhelmed by all of the memories of Tom and things just became too much for her. She says she hit a wall and she is working through all of those emotions in rehab. She says the hardest part of it all was that her children and her mother knew what had happened. She says from the time she went into the wrong room, it was five minutes later she was in handcuffs. She really doesn’t know how it all happened. Luann’s talking heads are kind of heartbreaking. She says this is rock bottom, you can’t get worse than getting arrested. She says in a strange way she is thankful for it because it made her look at herself in ways she would not have otherwise. Dorinda makes a joke that three mugshots are enough for this group. Who other than Tinsley and Luann have mugshots?
Next week: It’s Bobby’s funeral. So damn sad. Tinsely freezes her eggs. Luann makes her return to NYC. Technically, she hasn’t missed an episode or a paycheck if they count the phone call this week.