Nothing I am about to say matters. Because at the end of this episode, Luann’s arrest happens. So I am just going to play along. But first, I wanted to let you know Bethenny was on CNN today talking about the situation in Puerto Rico. She was just there two weeks ago. She is not surprised by the death toll and says that is only the documented deaths and there are so many more.
Anyway, here we go with the bitching. I’m a bit drunk as I made a fish dinner and ended up feeding it to Banjo. I love fish, but as it turns out Orange Roughy is not my thing. Or maybe I didn’t cook it well either way, Banjo is less irritated with me. At least until later when he throws up the onions. I know, I know, he’s probably going to die. Except he won’t. He’s a real dog not some punk.
Bethenny and Carole are arguing in costumes. Bethenny points out they were in different places during the off season. Carole was traveling with Tinsley and BETHENNY WAS TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD. Um, caps mine. I am so proud of Bethenny. I have so much respect for her humanitarian endeavors. Finally we get to the bottom of it. Carole says Bethenny called her and told her she thinks Adam is “an operator” and some other negative stuff about him. Tune in next season when all of that is proven true. Carole says Bethenny did not tell her she had contacted him to participate in the Puerto Rican relief efforts and he turned her down. Luann drunkenly jumps in to trash Adam. Carole says that Bethenny told her that Luann was a loser. Bethenny seems to admit to this as the fight escalates. I think. Banjo is loudly defending me against some major threat that I think is just thunder. Luann is less than thrilled about Bethenny’s comment.
Luann and Bethenny quickly make up. Meanwhile in real time, my hand is on the button to rent a vacation house. Carole is pissed that Bethenny didn’t donate to her marathon charity.I can see that. Bethenny should have done that. I donate to charities of people I just like on TV. Because, I don’t really have friends that donate to charity. Or that many friends at all.
Moving on, Dorinda just wants to have a dam birthday cake so she brings it out into the hallway where people are fighting. Dorinda smashes the cake in her face. I am so distracted by other things tonight, I apologize. I am PISSED that not having a cell phone stops me from doing NORMAL THINGS.
Drunk Bethenny and drunker Dorinda bond over dressing like Santa and his elf. Bethenny is fine with being nude on TV and I would be too if I looked like her.
Y’all I have a lot going on right now in real time. I’m sorry that this recap is going to hell.
The long and the short of it is that Bethenny does seem a bit jealous of Carole and Tinsley being so close. Bethenny used to travel with Carole and now Carole travels with Tinsley. They seem to make peace for a bit though. I don’t think Carole pays for any of the trips.
God I really need to be done with this recap and we are only half way through.
Sonja’s explanation about why the sink and the towel bars need to be reattached is hilarious.
Please help me Jesus. I am not made for multitasking.
The whole Yankee gift giving thing was a bust. It seems like they all kept what they got. Then Dorinda gives Bethenny the nutcracker that Brynn wanted. She didn’t seem to thank Dorinda.
Sonja points out that Luann is going to Palm Beach where Tom will be. Bethenny says Tom has a new busted up girlfriend. Luann is not happy.
Luann has a blood drive. Apparently, if you were in Mexico within the last year you can’t give blood? Carole can’t donate because she is too underweight. Everyone trashes Bethenny. Tinsley invites Sonja to stay with her during her renovations.
Bethenny calls Ramona and tells her she thinks she is a shit stirrer and that she thinks Ramona loves pitting people against each other. Ramona says Bethenny loves putting people down to make her look good.
Luanne rents a great spot for her to film in NYC in. She actually lives in The Hamptons.
Wow. They use the police footage on this episode. So awful. And her court appearance. Tacky, Bravo. So tacky.