Last week’s Below Deck recap had the most explosive, vicious, comments on charter guests that I have seen in may year. Lot’s of really personal attacks on the group of extremely ill-mannered women. Will they redeem themselves this week? Or does it only get worse from here? Let’s see what happens next.
Right away the primary charter guest is complaining to Sandy about the food. Also, Hannah “seemed to be frustrated.” Really? I wonder why? She says that they had to pour their own glasses! Quelle Horreur! And also, gros gros mensonge! The primary says she is not having a good time. She just doesn’t seem like someone who knows how to have a good time.
Captain Sandy has a sternish talking to with Adam and Hannah. Neither one does a very good job of explaining the scope of the problem with these guests. They sent back a lovely high-end pasta dish because they don’t eat starch and asked for spaghetti and macaroni and cheese. I mean come on.
A storm is coming, and Hannah is trying to get the guests off the boat before they change their mind. Kasey, the seasick girl, is also sent to be with the guests. Joao is also with the guests so that the cast can have some conversation. It is then we find out that Kasey is allergic to raw fruits and veggies. Oh, and Latex. So of course Joao wants to know if she uses condoms and she announces that she hasn’t had sex in eight years. Really? Way to completely screw up your twenties girl! You are not going to look like that forever!
Brooke is having problems with her boyfriend who is a chef on another charter.
A huge storm has rolled in and the guests are stuck on the island. There is a mad dash to save the boat. Water is coming down in buckets and the wind is high. The crew frantically tries to secure everything as quickly as possible while dancing in between lightning bolts. Except for Colin who is sleeping. Production is doing a terrible job about putting everyone’s names up and I have yet to come up with any tricks to remember who anyone is.
Back on land, Joao is trying to herd the women to the tinder to get to the boat while they still can. The redhead is screaming like she is a seasoned sea captain claiming they are on the wrong dock (they aren’t) and something about the squall line. What she is pointing to is a single large cloud. There is no line of any kind. Al Roker’s job is still safe.
As soon as they get back, the primary announces she wants a masquerade theme for dinner. Sandy is already muttering about not wanting to have dinner with the guests. The redhead is claiming she asked for a strawberry mascarpone cake for dinner. Apparently it is someone’s birthday? There is nothing on the preference list about a birthday. Kasey has been puking since the moment she got back on the boat,
Wait! Is Adam tasting out of the pot without even a spoon? Did I just see that?
The redhead is already starting in on her killing stories. Something about taking a tuna out of the stream and bleeding it out and eating while it is still pumping. Nothing she says makes sense. Meanwhile, the blond refuses to eat lobster bisque claiming she doesn’t like shellfish even though she put on her preference list that she like lobster and crab cocktails. These people are insane. Or possibly on drugs. Then the girl who refused the seafood is pissed because everyone else got lobster and she got duck. I think the blond is actually just anorexic and/or has some other eating disorder. She kept telling people to please stop talking about her food. Somehow they all manage to enjoy dinner.
The exterior girl is in the bathroom crying because she keeps having to do Kasey’s job instead of learning the ropes with the boys. You know the job she was hired for. I don’t see Joao being asked to make beds and serve breakfast. Joao seems to have a lot of time to flirt with everyone.
The primary makes snide comments on her way out and asks for a little bit more attention to details on the preference sheets. THIS HAS GOT TO BE STORY LINE. The tip was 12K so a thousand dollars a piece. Hannah is not impressed but Joao says you don’t get tips in Zimbabwe. He says a thousand dollars could feed a family of four for two months.
The crew all goes out for the first time in Italy and the booze is flowing. Somehow, Kasey is well enough for this. Brooke is upset about her boyfriend situation and spontaneously cries from time to time. He’s broken up with her! Probably so he can fuck around for the next six weeks and then tell her he made a terrible mistake.
Joao is going to be the one that gets drunk and acts like and asshole. He needs to watch where he puts his hands. Hannah has her eyes on Conrad. Rob that cradle, girl! He’s hot!
Joao seems to have a problem with authority. He especially doesn’t like that Conrad is above him, yet much younger. Or that Hannah is above him and female. I’m going to have to look to see how he interacts with Captain Sandy. He makes crass comments to Hannah on the van ride home and Adam has to literally put him in his place.
Next week: Captain Sandy’s friend, who is vaginal rejuvenation expert in LA, is bringing some friends on the boat. In other words, it’s more casting by Bravo. And Sandy seems to be hanging with the charter guests this week. Guess that boat is driving itself.
UPDATED! The Blonde almost vegetarian who doesn’t eat out of bowls got in a tit for tat with Hannah last night. She first claimed that the reason she didn’t eat the duck was because the legs were still on. DO THESE PEOPLE NOT REALIZE THAT WE ARE WATCHING THE SHOW?