Perhaps Shep could be Kim Biermann’s next rich husband/sugar daddy. He apparently washes his red solo cups in the dishwasher. I’m not sure he wants to live in a shoe with an old woman who has so many kids she doesn’t know what to do, but I am also not sure how much longer Kroy wants to be her Uber driver either. And someone has to bring in some money. While Brielle keeps trying to get on the yacht circuit, ALLEGEDLY, so far that plan is not working so well.
Cameran is just about ready to pop. She is unsure if newborns need bibs. She’s off to her last OBGYN appointment before giving birth and she may already be having contractions. Just like I said about the chick who had a two month old with no name, I feel like Cameran should have really skimmed through What To Expect When You’re Expecting prior to backing her hospital go bag. But none of this ever really appealed to me, though if I had married and had a husband who wanted kids, I would have had one. Maybe. If I could not convince him to adopt. I think I would have enjoyed being a mother. But childbirth? Not on my bucket list.
Kathryn is dealing with the body of someone who gave birth twice young. Which means she still looks great but is dealing with a new body shape. Kathryn seems to have Thomas all figured out.
Craig and Austen go jogging and they talk about Austen dating Victoria, Chelsea’s friend. He realized he still had feeling for Chelsea and stopped seeing her but now he is not so sure. Now he feels he is more compatible with Victoria. Craig says he just wants to date a girl that doesn’t treat him like shit.
Time for Naomie scenes with her gay roommate. Now she is “dating” a guy I don’t think she is dating. He’s a hot doctor and I know a few people in Charleston and…in Miami who seem to think “dating” is a strong word for what is happening there. Naomie tends to like men who are very in touch with their feminine side. Perhaps that is why she says she hasn’t had sex in a long time? Allegedly. In my opinion based on what I see on social media and hear through the grapevine. NTTAWWT. I love gay men more than straight men myself. It’s so much less complicated. And they are way nicer to me.
Again, Shep is in Mount Pleasant at his rental property pretending he is on IOP. I do not fault him for having “mailbox money.” I am ALL FOR Shep living life, getting drunk, having lots of sex and traveling the world while he has a passive income on top of Southern Charm. Oh I found out how much they make on Southern Charm and was a bit surprised. The originals pull in only in the low 200K for the season. I say ONLY because I am used to RHOA salaries and Sheree made double that on RHOA. Cameran is the highest paid on Southern Charm. Boy, I am full of exclusive tea tonight. I’ve had a few glasses of wine and am trying to make up for my lack of humor tonight with blind item reveals and inside information.
Oh Lord. Speaking of inside information. I’ve been hearing things about the yankee carpetbagger and they are all good. Like, I might have to stop hating her good. Jesus take the wheel! But at this point in time, she is still on the wrong side and is trying to help the yacht girl land her man. I really don’t understand why because someone she is close to her has already told her at this point that there is something very creepy about Thomas. I haven’t discussed this yet. Did I do a blind about this already? I don’t remember. If the saying “You can’t make a whore into a housewife” is true then saying you can’t make a west coast aging polo girl into a southern belle is also true. But Patti though Landon was housewife worthy so… I get it. Age does a number on the mental faculties. Who puts a Chanel bag under their armpit? Look I am so not into fashion at all at my age, but even I know that is not done. Patti who always tells us she only has one martini a night is sucking down the free champagne like a hillbilly who got invited to the Met Gala.
Then Ashley admits she feels like Pretty Woman. And she should but no one is going to buy her these clothes at the end. and the sequined number she come out with at the end is the most ill-fitting garment of them all. THIS IS WHY THIS SHOW NEEDS K. COOPER RAY. This is literally his life’s work. Also he wrote a really great book called Last Night at Moomba that I highly recommend. He’s had an extraordinary life. Sorry not sorry, I love my Cooper.
Is Ashley wearing a wig or is that a lot of extensions. IDGI. It looks like a hair hat to me. Again, I’m not the glam type. Even when I was young, I wasn’t into all the labels and shit though I did like by Ralph Lauren shirts from the boy’s department in high school. That was literally the last time I was into any sort of label. Patti revives my hatred by saying she could have been married 20 times and only got married 3 times. Um I could have been married at least a dozen times and chose to get married none. It’s true I have trust issues. But marriage is also a financial contract and I… I just could not pull the trigger. Lordy, I am oversharing tonight. Apparently, it was Patti/Production who told Ashley to get her nursing license in SC. Patti claims she is currently engaged after four months to the next old geezer. I mean time is of the essence in her case and perhaps in Ashley’s too. But I can’t believe I am watching this knowing what we all know about Thomas know and what Patti DEFINATELY new then because well… I may or may not have done a blind on that I honestly do not remember.
I am running off at the mouth way too much tonight about me and about these folks. I’m going to try to keep it shorter.
Chelsea and Shep want to take everyone to Hilton Head. While neither of them are from Charleston, I can give those from Hilton Head a pass. Though I must say neither of them pronounce Hilton Head like most southerns I know. It’s Hilton HAYed.
Thomas literally comes stumbling INTO the bar to meet Shep and Whitney. I really have no hatred for Whitney anymore. It’s weird. Drunk Thomas is late because he was on the phone talking to Nikki, some “friend of Ashley’s.” Probably a mutual friend of his friend Bilo. Allegedly. Thomas says he hooks up with Kathryn about once a year. That happens at the reunions.
Kathyrn gets a job at Gwynn’s. Shocking promotional product placement.
Austen has a date with Victoria and I don’t care because I am SOFA KING BEHIND ON THIS RECAP.
Patti has way too many scenes. It’s another “all male dinner.” That is not something as southern woman does. And it is not party etiquette either and didn’t she publish a book that even the dollar store won’t buy out about that?
Almost immediately Thomas starts trashing Ashley. He wants to party all night and she wants to go home. He is still pretending they live together, they do not. He rents her a flop house around the way. I heard from a reliable source it is an actual house he either bought or rented I forget which, but on the show they make it seem like it is an apartment in Kathryn’s complex. When I tell you this whole area is NOT WHERE CHARLESTONIANS LIVE. I feel like this is all a promotion for Thomas’s rental properties. There is absolutely no way he lives in the swamp land full time. I would not move there and I live in the goddamn ghetto. I lived on the swamp in Savannah in my twenties and it was great for parties, but the bugs are awful and as pretty as the swamp is actually, it not a place I would live as an adult. Though skinnydipping parties in the pool were a lot of fun.
Anyway, sorry. The newness has already worn off Thomas’ last kept woman. Should I even bother with allegedly? Craig and his
boyfriend roommate Shaun wants to get a dog but he doesn’t want to go through all of that in the breakup. He lost Gizmo with whatshername. The relationship with Naomie was a real thing. Everyone is not one thing or another. In true southern style, Patti serves a vegan dinner. UGH.
Patti actually makes a good point. Women are giving away the milk so men are not buying a cow. To use a VERY derogatory expression. God we already have points of agreement. Thus it was necessary to insert the dog muumuu thing to remind me.
Thomas gets Kathryn and Ashley mixed up.
In the final scene Thomas and Kathryn get together to talk and it is very clear that Thomas wants Kathryn back. Kathryn seems to still be connected to Thomas. She is hurt that Thomas posted what appears to be a family photo with Ashley. They plan a birthday party for Saint. Thomas wants to bring Ashley but Kathryn says no. Drunk Thomas acts like he wants to be with Kathryn. Kathryn says she has no interest in getting back together.
Cameran is still waiting on the baby to decide to appear.
Next week: Naomie tempts Craig with Gizmo. Ashley tries to give an ultimatum to Thomas about being excluded from Saint’s birthday party. Because. cunt move. The gang goes to Hilton Head and Austen has to tell Chelsea he is with Victoria. Kathryn lays down the law for the polo bitch.DID SHE JUST SAY SHE SEES THE CHILDREN MORE THAN KATHRYN SEES THEM? Oh this bitch is going down. ON TV, AND IN REAL LIFE. Stupid cunt.