It’s time for that seriously depressing New Orleans version of Southern Charm. That said, now that the original Southern Charm has gotten even darker, it’s a close call when it comes to determining which is worse. At least on this show it’s the men taking a beating for a change and the two lead females being the bullies. Will misandry be the new misogyny on Bravo? I mean how is that an improvement?
Every damn time I see Jon’s six pack I remember why recapping this show is so worth it. And the other New Orleans views are nice too.
Before we get to the all cast trip to Myrtle’s Plantation and all of its haunted glory, Tamica and her cousin Jared (who made us all cry last week) are going on a road trip. It seems that immediately after coming out during filming last week, Jared called his family and came out to them. So they are going to see them in person. It was a lovely trip to meet Jared’s Creole family. You know the Cajuns that someone keeps wanting to post about her as if they are not NOLA residents. Because, racist.
Jon and his not girlfriend Ty, go jogging past a sort of artists market on the street. I would spend so much money there. I still have a very expensive original watercolor I bought in St. Lucia around here somewhere that I was too poor to frame at the time. I need to find it and get one of those double-sided glass frames. The artist was semi-famous. And hot. And that is all I have to say about that. Other than when I die, someone with a brain needs to come and get my art collection. My family will probably sell it all for like five bucks in the estate sale. If y’all can get to my estate sale, it will be worth your time I promise. I have rich friend presents and and some damn fine art.
It is so hot in this house. I cannot wait for the AC guy to come on Tuesday.
I would like to eat at Dooky Chase. I’m not, but Justin and some lady named Susan are eating there. Apparently, she is going to Myrtle’s plantation as well. It seems like the guys are afraid of the plantation and the girls are all gung ho.
Reagan goes to the French Quarter to meet with Priestess Catherina. Who is probably a hoo doo priestess. I have to admit I believe in the Gullah women of South Carolina who are of the same background as these women. I’m taping the second airing United Shades of America tonighte where he goes to learn about Gullah culture. I’m always so shocked that people do not know about Gullah/Geechee culture. It’s actually an area I am looking at moving to eventually. But just like good therapists are not TV therapist, real hoo doo women are not TV hoo doo women. Just like anything else, real rich people do not go on TV saying they are rich people. The priestess tells Reagan to try to exercise patience. She also warns her to be careful at Myrtle’s plantation.
Speak of the devil, Jeff is going to a TV therapist. I presume we will have dueling scenes. Recappers HATE dueling scenes because it gets complicated. The first thing we learn is that Reagan is living in the French Quarter house. Jeff says when he was playing ball that was his release. Now alcohol is. The therapist asks him to let out a primal scream. Jeff says he still has a lot of yelling to do.
And finally we are off to Myrtle’s with plenty of alcohol. Reagan stayed in her new apartment the night before they left so they don’t even arrive together. This makes my blood boil. I cannot stand how this woman treats her husband who is so clearly in love with her. Perhaps it is because I could never allow a bond like that in my life. But it just burns me up that people who can abuse that bond. On the other hand, clearly SHE can’t maintain that sort of bond either and married for other reasons.
When Tamica arrives she has clearly done some predrinking when she asks if they are all just conjugating on the corner. I assume she meant congregating but it was funny. Reagan’s lack of welcome to Jeff was not funny.
Here is the story of Chloe the slave girl ghost at the Myrtle Plantation. I have not read it yet. I did go with my girlfriend and her family once to a great beach house on Edisto Island, SC. At the time there was I think and A & P grocery store and a gas station where I bought a book about the local ghost stories. I was the entertainment each night as I did dramatic reading in the beach house with no TV. That’s one of my fondest memories. One of the guys that was with us was a chef and he would make low country boil and shrimp and grits and all sorts of things to keep food in us since we were drinking copious amounts of alcohol. I still looked good in a bikini then. My weight has literally doubled since then. 🙁
So Ty, Jon’s not girlfriend who was also the nude model at the Art Party shows up on the bus first and no one knows who she is. Even the guys. lol. On the way there, they have a blowout. I had one of those once and did a fucking 360 on a major ATL highway. Scared me to death. #flashback All the guys keep saying this is a sign this is a bad idea.
Speaking of signs. My power just went out for the fourth or fifth time today. WTF? I am now completely unable to recap. Generally in comes back on within a few minutes… We shall see. Sigh. Can I sue Georgia Power for fucking with my ad rev? What the hell is going on with my power situation? It’s already hot, and now it is even hotter. Is the ghetto a third world country now or are the McMansions a few miles away using up all of our power?
Well, as long as I have a battery, I suppose I should share a kind of funny story. I have received not one but two cut off notices with my power so the first time this happened today I went to see if it was just me and asked a neighbor. Their power was also out. The reason I kept getting cut off notices was because I was sending my very high power bill to the water company and then to the gas company. Because clearly I am retarded. I literally have four bills to pay and twice I sent a ton of money to the wrong people. So I was concerned that power company was going to shut me off. I also didn’t have to pay my water bill for a year.
It’s really getting hot in here. I keep wanting to turn on a fan. All the fans are electric. Banjo is confused. It’s never this dark an quiet in the house. He is uneasy. So Am I there are so many things not taping right now. This is unacceptable. Can I sue Georgia Power for loss of income? I feel like I have already retired in Uruguay!
Sitting all alone in a pitch black dark house is weird. I keep thinking the power will come right back on. Because, America. Only it isn’t, And I realize I need a lot more things to light up the house in my prepper closet than a couple of crappy flashlights. Also I live near a military base. If I survive this I am going into full prepper mode. I can never move to a place that I have to rely on government sponsored electricity. This has been going on forever. At least an hour. The entire neighborhood is dark. I’d like to believe we will have electricity soon. Because of course we will, right?
Okay. It has been almost an hour. and clearly It is not recording for me so if we get power back I will lose this episode and the end of American Idol and all the other things I recorded.
What I have learned is my OpSec needs alot more light. The ratio to light versus bullets was highly underestimated. I was so worried about being armed that I completely overestimated the need to have lighting.
I guess I will go to sleep now because even if power comes back on I will have to watch this episode on demand.
My power has gone on and off many times today. Why is that? Okay, some shit is going on with my power. It has gone off several times today and I missed the best part of this show. I will watch and dicuss it later. Sorry. Things are weird here. #ImAmNOTPreparedForTheZombieApocalpse.
I am so sorry, I have been in the dark for hours. I am unsure I will be able to recap anything else tonight,.
Look, I got up to finish this recap and it got deleted. Clearly it’s the witches.