It’s hard to believe Vanderpump Rules Season 6 is over. Before our favorite Angelenos sneak off like thieves in the night, let’s see what the reunions bring to light. Andy starts out with updates on Sur’s most troubling relationships. Jax and Brittany are back together (bad). Stassi is no longer seeing Patrick (good) and already has a new guy (Season 7). Scheana is no longer stalking Rob (eh) and already has a new guy (I assume). Andy wants to add James and Logan to the list because, Andy Cohen.
There are a few topics that need to be addressed upfront. The first is Faith. As Andy introes the segment, Jax bursts in to reassure Brittany he loves her. He’s a flurry of hands and humility. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. Their story has gotten sadder with time, if that’s even possible. He cheats to force girlfriends to leave. She’s the girlfriend that will never leave. Wash, rinse, repeat. Reiki has given Jax a new language to apologize and minimize. It’s total poppycock but Brittany gladly drinks the Kool-Aid. She knows who Jax is (even if he didn’t ask her to call him Jason) and she’s fine with it. This is her choice. The wrong choice, but her choice. I don’t know if there’s anything anyone can do to save her now. So let’s focus on the things we can control, like that roadkill dreadlock draped across her bosom. I think it’s scared.
Jax is still in shock from losing his Dad. In telling the story, he breaks down sobbing. This is the biggest loss he’s ever experienced. It’s real-life grief. The whole cast is moved to tears. But there are some rays of sunshine. When the bottom fell out of his life, Brittany kept him from falling. She brought his family together, kept a handle on all the arrangements. She was there for him, without question or keeping score. Now their relationship is better than ever. It’s a good story but I hear echoes of Shannon Beador’s post-vow renewal desperation in their words.
The Lala feuds are perfect microcosms of the show. Scheana is mad she didn’t get invited on Lala’s PJ to Vegas even though Scheana’s her best friend. Sandoval is mad Lala made fun of his trumpet skills. Well, Lala thinks Scheana is only interested in Scheana. I mean, right? And Sandoval’s trumpet skills sucked. Plus, James Kennedy isn’t the White Kanye. In the Kardashian sex tape of her life, Lala’s man is Kanye. James is just White Ray Jay. I can’t stand her Gangsta Barbie persona but damn, that’s a good dis.
Brittany isn’t the only girl attracted to total losers. Stassi gets to sit on the reunion stage, face painted, hair did, while Andy Cohen reads an unending list of vile invectives the Vanderpump Rules fandom has used to describe Patrick. After a breakup, that’s gotta feel good. Not to be outdone, the cast share their colorful opinions of the Choad. Well, everyone but Schwartz. He always, always, has a bro’s back.
Bravo hates women so we have to talk about Ariana’s vagina. Lala, Pump Rules Sex Positivity Princess and lover of all things Lala, is horrified. Ariana clearly isn’t thanking her little kitty cat every day. Meanwhile, LVP, dressed for Cameran’s baby shower, practically wilts when Ariana mentions cunnelingus. It’s the Madonna-Whore complex, all over again.
The much ballyhooed TomTom partnership isn’t going as swimmingly as the Season Finale would lead you to believe. Sandoval is still jockeying for a seat at the big boy table. Vanderpump wants him to take the gift she’s offering and shut his pretty little mouth. Schwartz is too busy thanking his lucky stars to be of any help. There’s a new, nasty undertone to their negotiations. Lisa lets slip that they have no contracts.The group is dumbfounded. Even Jax knows you need a contract. Jax. LVP acts like it’s the most normal thing in the world. In business, a handshake and a smile is all it takes. I guess she knows what she’s talking about. She spends a lot of time with lawyers.
Andy knows he needs to change the subject fast so he goes for low lying fruit. Jax’s low lying fruit, to be exact. Jax and Brittany don’t use birth control. She wants a Baby Daddy. All of her friends back home have them. Now it’s her turn. Jax wants to replace his father by becoming one. I never took psychology but that sounds a little textbook to me. Stassi tries to give Andy a truthful yet kind assessment of Jax as a parent. He sits across from her and roid-glares. Mommy, why is Daddy grinding his teeth?
Part One of the reunion is winding down so they throw a bone to Scheana. You can barely hear tell of her fairytale romance with Rob, Rob, Rob over the sound of every eye in the room rolling. But Scheana has grown since moving to Vegas. She’s an actress now. She’s as calculated as ever but the business called Show has polished her rough edges. I see you, girl. I. See. You. When she finds out Rob is wooing Jax’s friendship, the dam breaks. She squeezes out a couple of botox tears and the whole cast rallies to her side. Just like with Patrick, they let truth ring out. Rob thought slagging off Scheana to her mates made him look cool. Delusion. It’s kind of sad.
The only person who doesn’t join in on the Scheana revelry is Jax. While she basks in attention, Jax explodes. We’re treated to Jax yelling, Scheana fleeing in tears (actress), and more Jax yelling. Kristen tries to literally throw herself upon the Jax grenade but she’s not man enough. It would take someone like Stassi to accomplish that feat and she’s not getting out of her seat for Scheana. While Scheana gets her hair and makeup touched up (priorities), the facts of the feud seep out. First off, Scheana never called Jax when his father died. She sent a text so he would have something to refer to when he needed encouragement. But, SCHEANA NEVER CALLED JAX WHEN HIS FATHER DIED.
More recently, Jax and Brittany visited Scheana in Vegas. They promised to walk a red carpet with her but Jax got tickets to a hockey game. It was a big opportunity for him. You know hockey is his life. And now that his Dad is gone… it means so much more. And SCHEANA NEVER CALLED JAX WHEN HIS FATHER DIED. Jax goes on and on, yelling out every minor abuse his feeble mind can conjure. Scheana sits in her makeup chair, the sound of Jax screaming her name filling every corner of the set, asking herself why everything is so much harder than her divorce.
Next week: Sayeth Bravo, in Part Two of the Vanderpump Rules reunion, host Andy Cohen recaps Katie and Schwartz’s rollercoaster first year of marriage, the group questions Jax’s relationship with his reiki healer, and Lala reveals more about her mysterious boyfriend than ever before. SUR’s newest hostess Billie Lee joins the group and opens up about life as a transgender woman, while Stassi and Ariana revisit their argument about Stassi’s controversial podcast comments. Finally, Kristen defends her decision to fly out Brittany’s mom for a surprise visit, and the girls band together to celebrate Lala’s special brand of feminism.
I DVR the episode and I re-watched the part where Jax “broke down” over his fathers death… he never shed a single tear. It felt like an act, a role he was playing. He mentioned he was a sociopath before so I was hoping that he might actually have felt pain over his father. But I didn’t genuinely see it.
I should add, I lost a parent in my teens. I choke up to this day talking about him.
Also Jax’s outburst against Scheana, who I’m not even a big fan of, was classic deflection. Get mad at someone else so they don’t get mad at you.
I feel for Brittany, because Jax will never change. I don’t want this to come off mean, but I hope Jax doesn’t have children. He is too selfish and manipulative. He would only cause great harm.
I wholeheartedly disagree. While Jax is a vile POS, I think his pain is genuine and I really felt for him in that moment. I also can’t stand Scheana so i wasn’t bothered by his verbal slaughtering of her.
I think that the proof was in the fact that every single person, except for maybe Scheana, cried with him…
I’ve done that choky sob thing where not a lot of liquid comes out but that is because I’m using every fiber of my being not to let the tears fall.
Besides, he had his hands over his face. There was no way to see them.
I think Jax really was dealing with pain over his father’s illness while they were taping this season. And the offer of a job as a hockey blogger may have been legit – like maybe a family friend was trying to find something for him to do and be closer to his Dad while he was sick. Who knows? I still think Brittany is a dumbass.
I agree. There are times I have wailed with pain over the loss of my parents, but that doesn’t always mean tears are streaming.
I agree. His dad had only passed a few months before they filmed this. That was raw, genuine grief he was experiencing. I lost both my parents, losing a love one is a horrific roller coaster u can’t get off of. I can’t stand Schena either, she’s selfish and self absorbed. Had oneness of my friends TEXTED me and then never said I’m sorry for ur loss in person, they wouldn’t no longer be my friend. She’s a terrible human being ?
Nope, he was acting. He’s a manipulator
Disagree 100%, The guy is a complete douche, but that pain was real. Pretty terrible thing for you to say…even about Jax.
I hear and believe you about Jax, because a sociopath has acting skills, that can fool the best. You do not ever really know how they feel inside, unless you unmask them. Its hard to say whats real emotion, as sociopathy takes on different dimensions depending on that sociopaths situation, personality, and spectrum they fall under. Ive known several sociopaths. One I think did have care for his dad, because it was his last living relative, and he had no wife or children of his own. The female one I think pretends, but her own mother suspects she is just waiting for her inheritance. I think thats true, and I know she has a ton of dislike for the mom. And the third one Ive known admitted a very love hate relationship with his mother. His mother describes him as cold as ice and liking to make people feel they are nothing to him. Something they all share is, sneaky, enjoy duping people and causing emorional turmoil, and unable to keep lasting relationships.
I can’t see Jax being a father. He’ll expect Brittany to do everything. I am astounded they don’t use birth control.
Why did Kristen and others think it was so bad Rob waited until after filming to break up with Scheana? To me, that seemed a kindness to her–to spare her from going through that on camera. But Kristen called it manipulation.
Forget just not using birth control, they don’t use PROTECTION and jax is a filthy slob, shagging god knows who (again, without protection) and bringing it home to Brittany. Gross.
I didn’t even think of that but you’re right. Didn’t he say he’d use a hole in the wall if he had to have it?
Yes, he’s like, “it could’ve been anybody, doesn’t matter”. So a surprise pregnancy is the least of Brit’s problems, she better hope she doesn’t catch something serious.
It’s taken 6 years but I have finally figured out which Tom is which. My conclusion: one has no backbone and the other is an ensuffible, self centered twit looking for his chair at the big boys table. It didn’t work out with Pandie and Jason selling wine, how is it suppose to work out with a bar in West Hollywood? LVP, your best bet is to make these two valets for the bar. Is it so wrong I want to smack Sandoval every time he rolls his eyes.
And this whole intimacy issue between Sandoval and Ariana signals a break up. It often spells trouble once your partner pulls back from doing the deed. His statement that she used to come two or three times a night was again Sandoval being Sandoval. I’m rolling my eyes.
Ariana reminds of that the pretty girl we all know , who calls herself fat & ugly, & needs to hear how pretty she is every day……… Tom sandavol is as boorish as his trumpet playing… Lala needs antibiotics & good shower
I actually think she was telling the truth and is uncomfortable when people pay her compliments. I can’t stand it. If someone compliments me, I thank them graciously because I hate to be rude, but inside I’m squirming. And I have experienced the exact same issues she has described this season regarding body issues, intimacy, and an abusive relationship. It really messes you up.
I hope she and sandoval are being honest as they said they are, because secrets keep you sick, 100%. Put that shit out in the sunlight, talk about it, be real and it can improve 🙂
On another note, I cannot stomach schwartz’s puppy dog loyalty and constant justifications for jax atrocious behavior. he has zero principles.
Agree 1000%
I have never laughed out loud at an episode as much as I did last night as Jax went on and on and on….. These 2 weren’t even friends. He HATES Scheana. I do too, so I didn’t mind him yelling at her, but he’s just doing his narcissist/sociopath victim thing for all of the reasons you all note above. Oh, that was awesome. He’s getting scarier though… not the yelling, but the eyes.
Lady C. has this one pegged perfectly: Roid-glare, Kristin literally throwing herself on the grenade, Gangsta Barbie! I couldn’t follow any of the Lala conversations. Will have to rewatch that. What happened with her and James?
I love you, Lady C. You made my morning.
I didnt like Jax using his father’s death as some type of leverage or sympathy ploy. I say this as someone who lost my own dad last september. Its just a low thing to do, and use that to your advantage. Leave dad out of it, or at least keep it to yourself and have some class about your grief. I think Sheanna really got hurt bad by that Rob guy. I could tell everyones input on how or why they didnt think he really cared for her, was just using her, was just like a knife cutting into her. But, I couldnt help feeling, it was some sort of pay back, for getting together
with Brandi’s husband Eddie. And for how she treated Shay. Im a big believer in what comes around goes around.
James actually referred to himself as ray j a few episodes ago. This was even discussed when Lala was on WWHL.
Almost everything discussed was just more of the same — Lala thinks she’s Lisa’s replacement as queen; these women, as attractive as they are, pick the most horrible abusive men; Sheana is the sun, around which everything revolves, etc.
The big thing for me was the TomTom issue. Sandoval needs to be booted to the curb. I can’t believe he thinks he has the right to tell Lisa she is spending too much money on the bar. And I was dying when I heard she hasn’t cashed their checks. She is holding their balls in a vice. She doesn’t trust them one iota. Sandoval’s ego has grown exponentially with this opportunity Lisa’s given them and, instead of trying to learn the business, he thinks he has important things to say about every aspect of it. smdh
Lisa is going to milk this for all the publicity she can get for the new bar/restaurant. She seems ready to dump them if they don’t STFU and become bartenders/greeters. They are both idiots. Schwartz, at least knows it. Sandoval thinks he is ALL THAT. He seemed to be ready to fight from the beginning of the reunion — he’s clearly furious at Lisa for not recognizing his genius (and Lala for not recognizing his music “skills.” He should finish the cocktail book with Ariana as he promised instead of preening in front of the mirror nonstop.
If this story develops, next season should be interesting.
I agree with you on the “partnership”. I own a small business, and if someone with no experience (except one small facet like bar tending) offered up 5-10%, they wouldn’t have much input either. There’s so much more going on behind the scenes than what the customers and employees see. Sandoval doesn’t know anything about that yet.
It’s kinda like us posting here. TT knows all the stuff involved with running a successful blog, but we’re not privy to all the crap she has to deal with.
If I had a nickel for everyone I’ve dealt with that thought they knew everything to know about owning a business…
I’m so confused as to why Sandoval thinks the name “Tom Tom” has any monetary value. For me Tom Tom doesn’t bring to mind huge crowds like Beyonce & Jay-Z does. LVP could probably stand on the street and nab a few Toms walking by that would bring as much to the endevor as her original Toms. I really don’t think she will screw them even though they don’t have a written contract but it surprises me that these two businessmen/partners haven’t brought in a lawyer to iron that out for them. All we’ve seen of the verbal contract is that they’re 10% partners but I don’t remember ever hearing what their duties will be. What in the heck can Schwartz even do? I’ve heard that he’s been training with Guillermo but I can’t imagine him being a decent manager. He’ll fall for any sob story.
I think LVP is giving the 2 clowns a chance to prove themselves before she makes anything legal and/or official. I agree with her 100%. Sandoval is way too big for his britches at this point.
Tom Schwartz is a completely useless human being. No backbone, no talent, no principles, no will power, no work ethic, etc. That hapless puppy dog routine is not attractive in a grown man.
Hell, there was a Tom Tom Restaurant in Lenox Mall back in the early 90s. ?
A few seasons ago, I used to like Tom Sandoval, because he seemed to have a good heart, even if he was too much into preening for my taste. But I have been shocked this year with the Tom Tom opportunity that he hasn’t thanked Lisa profusely for giving him a chance and tried to learn from her. In some cases he might have good input, such as when he said the targeted clientele didn’t order bottles of wine–but there is a way to present that input politely and helpfully, rather than in a know-it-all way. He should make it clear to Lisa that he is grateful and hopes to learn, instead of acting like all that. Part of the problem is that he considers himself an expert in image and style, and he had a certain look in mind he wanted for the place–only Lisa is also an expert in designing the look of her bars–so there is bound to be a clash, when two partners both think they are covering the same thing in the partnership (not like one of them doing the designing and PR and the other handling the day-to-day, behind-the-scenes running of the place).
No contracts? That is totally a stupid move on the Tom Tom’s part. Wow!
It’s insanely unkind of Scheana to keep talking about being “in love with Rob for 12 years”, considering she with and then was married to someone ELSE for several years of that time. Doesn’t matter that they’re split now, it must hurt Shay to hear that. He was a troubled person, but not a mean one, he doesn’t deserve that.
Poor Shay. Can we get him back now that Scheana’s in Las Vegas? Please tell me she’s staying there.
Everything is so much harder than the divorce because she truly didn’t love Shay. Apparently she love Rob long time. Almost as much as herself.
In hearing her say that, Im so glad Shay got out of the marriage pretty quickly. How sad to know that now, after trying to work on their marriage at all. Sheanna seemed to want to get married, so she could gloat, more than being in love. Not as many people get married now, so its something a girl can gloat on, where as before it would just be a normal part of being an adult.
Isn’t anything Lisa said on camera evidence that the two Toms have a stake? Especially since she made the partnership sound almost equal at first and naming it after them. I was so surprised at her seeming to be so vague with the guys about such a big money deal. I would have expected her to be really clear that they were expected to be seen and not heard. I wasn’t surprised that they jumped on it, sort of like Dumb and Dumber. Their careers aren’t going anywhere without Lisa so they’d be crazy not to hitch their wagon to her expertise. Sandoval looks like a petulant child with his assumption of what he has to offer.
In my opinion, nothing Lisa said implied that the Toms would have anything only than a small — token even — interest in the bar, and employment when it opened. Who in their right minds would think $50K is anything but a drop in the bucket to build and open a restaurant?
I thought the same thing about their verbal agreement being on camera but I don’t feel like she ever implied they would be equal partners simply bc she would name it TomTom. She’d always said they would only invest 10% and after Tom jeopardized that for both of them by complaining about these exact same issues within earshot of Lisa and Ken, it was bumped down to 5%. I’m glad she hasn’t cashed his check… he’s such a dumbass that he’s going to whine his way out of a $2.5 million dollar investment opportunity.
He is the definition of ignorant only worse, he’s arrogantly ignorant. He has no idea that he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about… yet he acts like a condescending know it all to everyone on the cast, including Ariana. His unnecessary anger and clenched jaw every time he jumps in to give his opinion is beyond annoying. His self importance is too much… it was great when he was called out about taking the fireball shot before the meeting bc it was just one example of why his 5% doesn’t buy him a seat at the big boy table.
I think Lisa should keep Tom Schwartz, dump Tom Sandoval and name the bar [email protected] Tom, then his name will have even more value… it’ll go down in infamy. It would also be a great draw, I’d go in for a drink just to find out, ‘Who’s Tom?’.
Great analysis of Sandoval!!!
There have been other cases where the judge refused to allow reality show TV footage in as evidence. I think the one season wonder Asian Jew (What was her name? Jules) tried to use footage as did either Jason or Bethenny and I believe Kathryn tried to use the footage where Travis promised Kathryn his full support with the kids as well and none were allowed.
Reality TV is known to be scripted and LVP can just say it wasn’t a partnership, it was a storyline and no money changed hands.
My attorney was able to get things from RHOA in when Sheree took the Atlanta bloggers to court. Sheree was claiming that I put her at risk for robberies when I said where the bedrooms were and where the kitchens were, etc. My attorney pointed out that Sheree held up a blueprint of the house multiple times on the show. So that was allowed. Most stuff is not,
Can anyone please tell me if Jax is displaying traits of someone with a mental disorder. During the reunion was the second time we have seen him rant and rave uncontrollably. He was not making any sense and no one could calm him down. If his outburst was real then something is seriously wrong. If his outburst was for attention or to deflect I don’t understand his end game. I don’t understand Brittany. Is she staying with Jax because their relationship gives her a storyline? So glad that Stassi is rid of Patrick. He turned her into an insecure shell of herself. I don’t always agree with Stassi’s actions or what she says but she always stood up for herself and was never afraid to express her opinion. Patrick somehow silenced her and as Tom Schwartz said he put out her flame.
I think it’s a combination of drugs and the fact that he only has 2 brain cells left. Scheana even said that he was high in Vegas when he was ranting and raving about how much he loved her as a friend. The guy’s lost it.
100%, he’s greasy and nasal from snorting god knows what all the time. blatantly obvious even without the temper tantrums and fits lol
Jax hits most if not all of the criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder. Repeatedly lies, cheats, steals, from his friends and from strangers. No thought to the consequences or what comes next. There may also be some Narsisstic Personality Disorder thrown in there which can cause rage if criticized or if expectations around special treatment are not met. I wouldn’t casually diagnose someone normally, but if you’ve watched the show and you look up the criteria for Antisocial PD, he fits pretty well. He’s funny and observant and can make for good TV, but lock up your valuables when he’s around.
Your diagnosis works for me. He he. Really, if you study up on these disorders, its not hard to spot them, once you know the signs. Not being able to function well in relationships, being a user, and a criminal history are all big red flags of it. I think also, being able to get inside peoples heads, and exert alot of influence and control, is another red flag. Jax has about all of it.
Lala looked like shit! Gorgeous as she naturally is, she doesn’t know what colors work for her. I could kind of see the look she was trying for, but she looked cheap and we all know she has access to MONAY. She clearly needs to suck more dick and have him take her shopping and hire her a make-up consultant.
It was hysterical when Andy did the intro of Stassi and Scheana though he was talking about her!
Every time Lala starts talking about “her man” I hear Kristin’s voice in my head saying “Suck a d*ck”.
Thank you for this! My VPR watching will be much improved…
DO NOT READ THIS COMMENT IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS WEEK’S KILLING EVE! SPOILERS!
I recap a scripted show on BBC called Killing Eve here (that almost no one reads). The show is about a female psychopath serial killer for hire who is being chased by a British MI6 investigator who I believe is also a psychopath.
On this week’s episode, the two come face to face, the killer and the agent sit down at the dinner table and the psychopath begins to open up to the agent when she asks about what happened to her her to make her the way she is. The killer breaks down and cries, she says she knows she has done, terrible, terrible, things and she needs help, she wants to stop. She apologizes for killing the agent’s partner through big splashy tears. She is sorry and is going to get help…. blah, blah, blah.
The agent, who I also think is a psychopath has no reaction other than to say, “Bullshit, I know you are a psychopath.” The conversation quickly ends and she robs the agent of her phone that leads her to the next mark who she violently kills.
That was all I was thinking about during Jax’s breakdown.
I’m reading your recaps faithfully. They’re my favorite way to watch 🙂
((wink))
Watching this episode confirmed to me that Scheana is an utter narcissist. A horrible one too.
Jax is going to milk his father’s death for every drop he can.
Lala thinks she is the Queen Bee because ‘her man’ is a super rich Hollywood producer and she flies on a private jet….but what is she without him? Will people still like her when he dumps her for someone younger in a few years time?
I really like LaLa and think she is super talented, but I would also like to wash her mouth out with a good old bar of Ivory soap. All her ick ducking references demean her and detract. However- the girl does have the ability to tell the truth, and LaLa is right. Sandoval is musically untalented in the extreme and Sheanna is tone-deaf. Painful! Also – for Sheanna to go on and on about being in love with one man for 12 years – while married to another for 6 years – well – could that have been part of why Shay could not stay sober? He knew that Sheanna did not really love him? It is hard for me to have any sympathy for Sheanna, and I get why Jax (for all his faults) wanted to scream at her.
Lala and Brittany used too much bronzer, and Lala’s dress (color and style) didn’t do her any favors. It’s always sad to me when naturally beautiful women–like Lala and Brittany–use the wrong kind of makeup and detract from their looks. Scheana’s lip color didn’t help her either. I think the same thing about Erika Jayne and her glam squad, who often make her look ridiculous. What a pity that beautiful women, with access to stylists and makeup artists, actually end up looking worse!
Brittany’s eye make-up plus Jax making her mad made her look like an evil Disney princess to me. But doesn’t Bravo hire stylists and make-up artists for the reunion?
I could not believe my ears when Sandoval complained about the money Lisa is spending to get Tom Tom up and running. He knows nothing. A contract based on money (ie the 2 toms’ cheque) is not in play until the said cheque is cashed. Based on his attitude and eye rolls, Lisa should rip up his cheque.
Oh and I think I forgot to say how hilarious the LVP is dressed for Cameron’s baby shower line is.
I know! I thought the exact same thing when I saw her! It was a very un-LVP Look.
LVP certainly has her “own style” but she certainly could afford to look a lot more chic rather than rocking that girly/woman look.
I forgot to mention how imaginative Lady C’s roadkill comment was. I had no words to describe Brittany‘s
hair.
Thank you TT, Mr Prez & KaraW for your thoughts on what’s wrong with Jax.
I have to admit, one of my favorite moments is when Andy Cohen realizes Scheana’s walkout is more about her makeup than her breakdown.