I am curious to see if Bravo has decided to stop requiring husbands to come to the reunions. Perhaps they are getting the message from the RHOA fans that we are sick of Bravo forcing women into fake relationships to keep their peach rather than just letting them talk about how hard it is to date in Atlanta. Also known as, REALITY. The fact that these women are considered replaceable until less they can convince a man to be on the show with them is just more misogyny.
I don’t know why we needed three episodes of reunion shows this year either. Yet here we are for the third one. I had a guy trimming my hedges (In the yard!) who left just before nine and for some reason RHOBH was not set to record. So I am tuning in about two minutes late. Rinna and Erika and Kyle and Dorit are dogpiling LVP about cutting Dorit out of the photo shoot. I can’t with this. LVP says it is not Dorit’s fault she gets her facts wrong when trying to recollect what she says because she says so much stuff. Um, okay. Rinna says when she remember something she had said wrong (about Kim) she was crucified for it. The girls point out LVP has a very different level of tolerance for newbie Dorit than for the girls she has known much longer. I think they are really implying PK knows where the bodies are buried and she can’t afford to piss off Dorit.
On to the trip to Berlin! In order to get three episodes out of this season they have to replay long scenes from the season. For this reason we are forced to relive Dorit’s Siberian Holocaust story.
LVP is still pissed that Kyle doesn’t know her grandmother’s name. /heavy sigh Then LVP says that 90% of the conversations she has with Kyle are about Kyle because she has anxiety and she is always in a tizzy and she is always calming her down. The volume went away during some of what LVP was saying. Kyle says the reason for that is she is more open than LVP and LVP doesn’t share her life with her very much. Kyle says this is a new story that LVP has just come up with. LVP just goes on and on and on and on about how paranoid and anxious Kyle is and how she takes care of her like a matriarch. LVP is doing a whole lot of what Maya Angelou calls “blow bite and blow” with her “I Iove Kyle and so her constantly being whipped up in a paranoid frenzy is fine. I don’t mind being the lovely person that soothes her inner demons.” Blow. Bite. Blow. This LVP being pissed that Kyle said that LVP stormed off from the Palihouse because it was all about LVP so she wasn’t interested in staying.
Next, we talk about Kyle and her sisters and their reaction and lack of support to her production endeavors including American Woman and the other one that is loosely based on the situation with Mauricio and the Hilton real estate company. Her sisters have not seen it yet. She is hoping once they see it they will understand it is not a literal story. Kyle and Kathy are not speaking. LVP saw her the night before filming. It’s been about six months since Kyle and Kathy has spoken. She admits that it began with Mauricio’s decision to open his own company. LVP keeps chirping in with what Kathy told her. Andy asks if she is pissing Kathy off more with the real estate show, Glass Doors. Somehow Dorit is making this all about her. Kyle says that she loves Dorit. Well, fuck. We may be stuck with Dorit again next season.
The next bout on the undercard is Erika versus Teddi. We are going to fight about pretend amnesia one.more.time. Erika says that Dorit was hammering Teddi for twelve weeks. That pissed Dorit off and she tries to deny what we all saw on TV. Erika says but when Erika did it she attacked her integrity. Is this the fifth or the eleventeenth time we have talked about this nonsense. Kyle and LVP both try to tell Erika that she overreacted. Teddi says that Erika always talks down to her. Erika denies that she ever screamed at Teddi. LVP again defends Teddi telling Erika that if she had spoken to her the way she spoke to Teddi she would be very upset too. Teddi keeps saying that Erika is constantly talking down to her. LVP continues to vigorously defend Teddi. Rinna says that she was totally traumatized by LVP coming down on her for not remembering saying Kim was near death back in 1972 or however long ago it was. We are literally rehashing previous seasons at this point to stretch the show out. Kyle jumps in to challenge Rinna over whether or not she really did remember what she said. Andy concludes that the general consensus is that Erika came down too hard on Teddi. This pisses off Erika and she is fired up are reaching for her drink. I wonder what her drink is?
Then Andy reads a viewer question that start with calling Erika a diva and asks if she left Teddi’s party so she could go stay with her glam squad. She says no, she stayed at the double tree so she could clean up and go to sleep. Oddly, her glam squad was there the next morning though. We get a montage of Erika complaining about her period. Rinna is riding hard for Erika on this reunion. She’s the only one sticking up for her. LVP is sticking up for Teddi again. She says that when Erika is feeling vulnerable she pulls away.
Apparently, Erika retweeted some of Teddi’s blogs and called them “pure comedy.” Now Erika is acting all butthurt because Teddi called her Regina Jayne (a mean girls reference.) She was a mean girl to Teddi all season of course Teddi is going to mention it in her blogs! Teddi explains it was cathartic to get it all out there after watching Erika mean girl her. Erika says it’s not fair of her to do that if she want to end things. Really? Teddi points out that Erika kept retweeting tweets that said Bravo should fire Teddi. Teddi says that sounds phony. Erika once again says she is being called a liar. If the stiletto fits, girl. Erika says that Teddi’s blog was “scathing.” If scathing means truthful then sure. Dorit is siding with Erika on this one. That will cost her a few points with LVP and she will pay. Oh, she will pay. Erika acts like she didn’t treat Teddi badly and the pivots to say she is rude to everyone. Let it go. Erika really does lack compassion for others. Andy says she is not taking any ownership in her behavior by saying that the situation with Teddi it is more about Teddi’s reaction rather than Erika’s behavior. Erika still doesn’t get it.
In the final wrap up Andy asks Rinna if the old Rinna will be coming back or if Yoda is here to stay. She says, “What do you think?”and laughs. LVP says she can only keep that up for so long. Andy tries to find the words to describe Dorit’s season. He goes with she found herself in hot water a long and she was accused of talking too much. Andy asks if she had any regrets. The fake accent amplifies intensely signifying she is lying even harder that usual. She says she wishes she would have handled things differently. She said she should have given and accepted more apologies. He asks Dorit and Erika both how they feel about the direction of their relationship with Teddi. Since Dorit goes first she remains team Erika and says they have more work to do. Then Erika says she feels better about their conversations today and feels like Teddi was heard and they can move on now. Teddi agrees. Kyle says she will probably be fine with Dorit eventually. Andy asks LVP how she has grown over her time on the show. She says her relationship with Kyle has taught her to open up more and not be so British and she thinks of her like a little sister. Those two exchange I love yous. Then LVP says she really enjoys her relationship with Dorit and says that the audience (that’s us) should really give Dorit another chance. That’s a no from me, dawg.
For the champagne toast, they bring out champagne in giant beer mugs. Andy has one in the proper flute for Dorit. And with that, we are mercifully done with this season and if there is a God we are done with Dorit.