Okay, you guys I am a bit confused about a few things and hoping some of you can help me out in comments a my brain is not working today. There is this weird social media war going on with Ashley and Thomas against the old crone and someone who runs the old crone’s fan site. Apparently the fan site person used to date Thomas and that is the crux of the issue. I really haven’t cared about that nor paid it any attention but, part of tonight’s episode guide refers to the ole carpet bagger urging Thomas to marry Ashley. Why would she do that if she is so pissed off over her superfan dating Thomas and him breaking things of for the land yacht polo girl? Also, if the Internet was abuzz from the moment he brought Ashley to Charleston about her being a land yacht polo girl, why would she encourage marriage to such a girl trying to get her come up from Thomas if they are such good friends. Apologies to most of you who won’t understand these questions, but I’ve not posted about it much other than blinds. Blind Item Reveal. I am also loathe to bring this up because some crazy woman and her attorney husband keep threatening to sue over the comments in the blind item. What is it with this show and legal threats? I get more from this show than all the rest combined. Southern Charm posters are the most mentally off than any other show I write about and that says a lot.
I love the output from Haymaker Productions and the feel of this show from a production standpoint. But the actual people I’ve had the unpleasant experience of having contact with are dumber than a box of hair. Things that should take five minutes turn in to two weeks of pestering with a result of no agreement whatsoever. Literally every other production company can request a screen shot of my site and get the whole thing done in less than fifteen minutes. Sorry. Business issues should not be in a recap.
We start with Craig contacting a life coach. Craig is by far my favorite person on Southern Charm. I think he is perfect just the way he is and if I had met Craig when I was his age I would have married him immediately. Call number two should have been mini maids.
I love Cameran and her mother shopping for the baby’s coming home outfit is adorable. Cameran’s mom is the old crone’s replacement on this show. At least in my mind. She’s a true southern lady. Cameran says she made Jason get naked in the garage because he came home in scrubs. I think that is perfectly normal. I’m serious. Let him use the staff showers to get all the germs off before he comes home to a pregnant wife or a newborn. Cameran says her mother was not very maternal. And as I am typing that she realizes she will be the exact same way. Cameran turned out just fine.
Austen and Shep meet up for some beers. They have a Peter Pan conversation. Austen basically wants a relationship so he does not turn into Shep. Naomie shows up to drink with the boys which makes sense because she has to wear the pants in a relationship. Then Chelsea shows up. This would never happen without production. The topic is Peyton. So that Naomie can find out about Craig’s scripted attraction to Peyton. Craig is smarter than that. Naomie clearly agreed to play psycho ex girlfriend even though she could not give two fucks about Craig.
Craig goes to a fabric store with Kathryn. I do not believe for a minute that Craig is a shitty sewer as Cameran suggested with the Teddy Bear that was falling apart. Again, production. I’ve watched Craig sew and I believe this storyline. I may be stupid for doing so but I believe it. Granted I learned pillow case making in home ec in middle school, but he can set the embroidery setting. Kathryn tries to convince Craig to take time away from Naomie.
Austen goes to visit his family to tell them he is unemployed and wants to start his own beer company. Shockingly, this was not well received since he has no idea what he is doing. Wait, Austen’s dad used to be in the FBI? And yet they are going to bankroll his beer business? Please.
Craig meets with his life coach. He did not call mini maids. It was retarded. (spare me and your thumbs for using “the r word” and then check out the commenting rules and be gone.)”
I kind of love hate when Thomas tries to speak French, it is actually worse than my French and I’ve had multiple years of French instruction that barely gets me through a conversation in Paris before the French person graciously opts to switch to English. I also tend to speak Spanish or a smattering of Arabic when speaking in Paris. It’s like my mind knows I need to switch languages but is just not sure which one to go to. My brain is pickled. I’ve never heard of Goulette, and that is not in my French vocabulary but that is where Thomas is meeting Whitney and the carpetbagger whom she greets warmly. They have since had a falling out. Wow, Whitney’s French sucks BADLY. Where the hell did he go to finishing school? Mine is better than that at least in my own head. The carpet bagger is showing off a fake “promise ring” which is something you get in the seventh grade, no when you are seventy. I have no idea what the carpet bagger lady is trying to say but École primaire publique de Bazarnes is a public elementary school like the one down the road from your house. She like an aging Sonja Morgan rewriting history. Based on his linguistic abilities I can imagine him attending. The one thing to take away from this scene is that Thomas is not getting married to Ashley. Thomas would never marry a Yankee. And she is being paid.
I kind of like Chelsea and Austen. Color me stupid but I am falling for this one.
It’s time for the party.
The Naomie and Peyton storyline is so forced I can’t stand it. Clearly Peyton is related to someone close to Bravo and we are going to have to endure this fake shit for a bit.
Thomas is an actual real piece of shit when he says that Ashley said he should invite Kathryn to go trick or treating with her own children. She takes the high road and says she looks forward to the time that is a possibility, but they are not there yet. In other words, I am not going trick or treating with some girl who hangs out on the polo grounds waiting for her paycheck. I will simply follow the schedule until she is gone.
JD as Trump makes perfect sense.
Shep is happy with the Halloween candy, Because, Peter Pan.
Then we have an entire scripted scene with Peyton and Naomie where she claims to be a girl’s girl. Naomie is a psychopath. Or just a girl playing a role on TV for a paycheck. This shit is so scripted I have to stop. Even Craig says she is a psycopath.
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