I almost didn’t remember to watch this. I was setting up to recap #MAFS when for some reason I remembered seeing RHOBH photos in my inbox from the lovely Lady C. So you can thank her for this recap because my DVR showed it as a repeat. If the DVR or Lady C don’t remind me what I am supposed to be doing, I’m totally lost. So let’s get to women screaming at each other.
I already have a building hatred for Dorit before we even start. The LVP wants to start this episode with her playing with the sequins on her boobs. Next we see all the fancy purses and coats and boots the women have flaunted this season. Kyle mutters with every bag of hers show, gone, gone, they are all gone. That’s so sad. Erika says that she makes the 40K a month for her expenses herself. Teddi says she got small breast implants right before the show. Someone asks about LVP’s pink Chanel luggage because she has been looking and can’t find it anywhere. That’s probably because it’s a knockoff.
It’s time to talk about Kyle’s break-in. Kyle says that she had everything locked down in her closet. Yet they still got everything, all her handbags and jewelry except what she had on her body. Andy wants a dollar figure. So rude. It’s over a million in jewelry alone. She very upset about her mother’s jewelry that she planned to hand down to her kids. Nothing has been recovered. The security system was being installed by Edwin at the time of the burglary but was not fully functional yet. LVP sent Kyle a Chanel bag for her birthday. Kyle was very touched. She is not sure she wants to stay in the house anymore. I know all of those feelings having been robbed myself. She says she hopes she can get past it.
Next the inexplicable threesome of Erika, Rinna and Dorit. I just can’t. We’re going back to the golden goose shit hair days. Dorit apologizes for herself and PK. Both Erika and Rinna are also good with PK. LVP says to know PK is to love him. What does this man have on her? I need this information.
Next up, Camille arrives with her giant engagement ring. Andy asks how it stacks up to Kelsey’s. She says Kelsey’s was smaller. Are they still talking about the ring? Camille does not speak to Kelsey at all. Andy talks about how she was the most hated housewife in her first season and this year everyone was thrilled to have season one Camille back. My source that the reason Camille lost her diamond was because she has an NDA with Kelsey and was not allowed to discuss anything about him on the show at all. Now that she has her new husband, her storyline will open up a bit more. We shall see. I find it abhorrent that these shows about women are so dependent on them having a man to discuss. This could be a problem for Erika next season as well. I’m just saying. Blind Item reveal. Now we know what that fancy Weho apartment aka “clubhouse” was all about. Allegedly.
Camille is wearing the infamous ballgag as a bracelet. Andy wants it for the clubhouse, so of course he gets it. Someone asks why Dorit made such a big deal about the ball gag when it was just a little joke like the panties she gave Erika in the previous season. She says it was at LVP’s elegant birthday party (where she acted like a total ass) plus she says she had moved on from the Camille situation. Sorry I suddenly needed another glass of wine.
Allison Dubois stopped speaking to Camille after the dinner from hell. Am I the only one who likes the scenes from the breaks better than the actual show? As soon as I type that we get a scene with LVP and Dorit during the lunch break. LVP took her dress off for the hour break, got in a robe and recurled her hair! Who does that? Dorit says that she hates that Teddi gets her so wound up. She says Teddi has such a superior attitude. Dorit is mentally ill. She is the one with the superior attitude replete with a fake accent than tends to crescendo with every lie. Teddi is the laid back housewife Carole Radziwill wishes she could be.
Meanwhile Kyle and Teddi talk about Dorit. Teddi says she has stood up for Dorit on social media, she texted her directly and she doesn’t respond. She says that Dorit retweets bad stuff about her and she’s not mad at Dorit. But Dorit seems really angry with her. This two are eating.
Dorit tells LVP that Teddi said she help the Guiness World Book record as the person that deflects the most. This is so true! I’d retweet that and I don’t ever tweet these fools unless I have something nice to say. See mama? I do listen sometimes. These two are not eating.
This looks like it could be a bad segment for Dorit. This makes me happy. I want her to flip out and leave. Forever. I’m not sure what Teddi is apologizing for but I wish she would not. I do not have enough rosé for this. Ha! As soon as I type that and zip through the commercial Andy asks, “Who would be mad if they were served rosé in a champagne glass. I am not going to recap this because this was a COMPLETELY production driven fact storyline and they are all acting right now. LVP is taking Teddi’s side. That is good news for Teddi. Dorit apologizes to Teddi for making her feel uncomfortable in her own house. Camille said she had a great time at Teddi’s house. Camille brings up Erika leaving the party at Teddi’s.
I’m sorry and I need Dorit AND Erika Jayne off my TV at this point. Erika Jayne may be behind all the rumors that she is leaving over the Tom situation. They might be fine as frog fuzz and she just wants out or knows she is out. The latter is more likely. Teddi is sounding like the kind of girl who is uncomfortable sitting alone drinking wine in a restaurant for an hour. That saddens me. When are women, or people even, I know guys that are the same way going to start being comfortable doing things on their own? I learned to do this at 16 reading forbidden Cosmopolitan Magazine and immediately went into action and drove myself for like the fifth time alone to a movie. In my forties I was ridiculed at work for vacationing in “honeymoon destinations” alone as if I wasn’t allowed to be there. And now that I am fat as a barn I still slide up to the bar and eat and drink and chat with the bartender and/or read a book. It’s very relaxing. So how can someone as beautiful as Teddi who is married, rich and has the perfect little family uncomfortable with herself spending an hour in a restaurant alone drinking wine? I will say if I am dining at a table I do need reading material of some sort, otherwise it is kind of boring. Anyway, sorry for the rant. Recapping Dorit on a reunion escalates my drinking and I haven’t eaten today. I seriously have no food in this house. Dorit is a cunt. Kyle sticks up for Teddi. MORE BONUS POINTS FOR TEDDI. I feel hopeful that Teddi will stay and Dorit will go with a Camille replacement. This is not information from my source just how I feel awhile watching the show.
Camille and Dorit hug it out on a backstage break. This seems out of nowhere. Camille seems to be smoothing her way to a diamond.
Oh next we get an entire segment on LVP and Teddi bonding. More good news! And LVP and Dorit NOT bonding as much. YAAAS Gurl!
I just burned out at the end when LVP as trying to explain why she didn’t want Dorit in her magazine. I think the theme was Dorit is a cunt.