This episode starts with the carpetbagger’s butler showing up to help Cameran get ready for the baby to come. His first task will be to organize the baby stuff in the kitchen. Or not. Priority one was to ask him to give her a foot massage.
Ugh. JD and Thomas meet up for drinks. Thomas imparts his wisdom about coparenting on JD. I’m not kidding. It was a ridiculous scene.
Oh! K. Cooper Ray flashback! Kathryn calls Cameran to see how she is doing. She talks about Petty Patti. She also says she has invited Thomas’ hospice nurse to lunch.
But first we get Shep and one of his dating show rejects, Peyton meeting for drink. She has moved to Charleston. Apparently she’s going to be on the show. It looks like she was cast as Austen’s girlfriend. Shep looks like dog shit. Seriously. Remember when he was attractive? That was a rapid slide.
Kathryn and Ashley meet for lunch at 82 Queen, one of the oldest Charleston restaurants, and one of my favorites. Though the last time I went, I was sort of over it. It’s expensive and there is better food to be had. Still, it’s too good of a place for Ashley. The first thing Ashley says after the greeting is, “Are you going to have a cocktail?” Really? Kathryn says that Thomas never told her that he had a serious girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything, like when she met her kids. She found out that Thomas introduced her to the kids after knowing her for a week. She also said that her parents don’t think she is making a good decision. She will eventually learn to listen to her mother. Oh and it was Mother’s Day when she met them. Ouch. Kathryn points out that their parenting agreement doesn’t all them to have people they are dating around the kids until they have been together for a specified time. I think it is six months. That information is all here.
Cameran is becoming less fearful about being a mother. She says she is finally feeling calm. She is starting to understand that she is getting more than she is giving up.
Chelsea goes surf fishing with her dad. They have beer and tequila while waiting for a bite. They talk about her and Austen trying to remain friends. Chelsea is worried that she is never going to feel like settling down. He says not everyone is the marrying type. Not all women want to be mothers. Chelsea feels like he would be disappointed if she didn’t. He says probably not as much as she thinks. He has three kids as long as one of them has a baby, he’s good.
I still can’t believe Thomas is living in this house on Daniel Island. It’s must not something I would think he would ever do. If you have money in Charleston you live in Charles in an old house like the one he sold, not in some new development for young families built on marshland. I lived on the marsh in Savannah and there are a lot of bugs. I ate a pound of gnats every three months living down there. Anyway, we are led to believe that Ashley who doesn’t know a soul in Charleston is going to a bachelorette party. They are all going to take mug shot photos and she holds up hers and it says, Trophy Shot, crime “Blue Balling.” Then she changes her mind and goes with the Gold Digger sign. She also takes a pot shot at Thomas and his mughot from ten years ago. Did you know Ashley was 32? She’s getting long in the tooth for this. Ashley says that she is worried about Thomas having women throwing themselves at him all the time.
Kathryn, the blond girlfriend, Danni, with the broken engagement, Naomie and Chelsea have some girls time in a beautiful suite at The Restoration on King Street. Naomi says she met with Liz since the bridal shower to talk to her about showing up with JD. Naomie says that Liz said that it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but her. That’s good because it doesn’t make sense to anyone but her. Later the go up to the rooftop restaurant. I’ve never been there and the view looks amazing. Danni says that despite the split, they have hooked up three times since they broke up. Naomie hasn’t had sex in six months. Naomie is so mean-spirited when she talks about Craig. She also has him on tracker and stalks his social media.
Across town, the boys all have a boys night out at a bar. Craig, Shep, Austen, Thomas and Whitney are in attendance. They guys want to get Craig back out into the dating scene. Whitney is drinking water. That’s new. Thomas tries to give Craig dating advice. Craig is not ready to move on from Naomie yet. He needs to get ready. Shep confronts Austen about his date with Peyton. He says they did not hook up. Shep doesn’t believe him and neither do I.
The next day Craig goes to see Chelsea for a desperately needed haircut. He has looked like a homeless person this entire episode. I hope he gets a shave as well. But he doesn’t.
Craig and Naomie meet up Tavern and Table. I’ve never heard of this place but it looks like it is on Shem Creek. I don’t think any of my Shem Creek watering holes have survived. It’s probably a new place that replaced one of the old places. Craig starts off by saying if she wants to get back together, he would love that. She says she doesn’t know if she does or not because she is not sure that the changes that we both want to happen can happen. In other words she wants him to live his life the way she wants him to. She’s controlling and mean. Craig says he is getting a life coach to help him be more productive and keep better hours. She says that sounds great but she can’t consider getting back together until she sees some actual changes. Craig says, “Fine, then we are not getting back together.” Naomie says that he is all talk and no action. She says that he always blames other people and is not accountable for anything. He says she constantly points out his faults and talks down to him. So true. Craig says he doesn’t want to be with her anymore unless she can work on her negativity problems and stop constantly criticizing him. Naomie storms off because she refuses to take responsibility for her role in the demise of their relationship.
Next week, Austen tells his parents he thinks he wants to make his own beer and market it. He has no experience at all making beer. Craig is interested in Peyton. Oh for fuck sake, how many guys is this chick going to have to blow to be on this show? Even Ashley only has to blow one. Naomie is full-blown Crazy Ex Girlfriend. She doesn’t want Craig but she doesn’t want anyone else to have him either. It’s Halloween and Thomas tells Kathryn that Ashley said they should invite her to go Trick or Treating with her own kids. Naomie confronts Peyton at the Halloween party.