It’s decision day! I’ve been dying to get time to get to the TWO AND A HALF HOUR finale. Of course someone decided to spend me a spoiler right before I started recapping RHOBH. But, hopefully there will still be surprises.
Jon and the Psychopath
We start with three days until decision day. I should know we would not get right to it. We start with Molly. I wish she would just shut the fuck up we saw who she was when she was mocking him on the video. She’s just a lying liar who lies. I want to just fast forward through this. I wonder how her mother will feel when she hears the video of her drunk, mean, daughter. She doesn’t think she did anything wrong. She is the victim. Oh bullshit. Oh for fucksake. Now she is acting like she would stay in the marriage if he would. There is something fundamentally, accent on mentally, wrong with this woman.
Jon talks to his mother. He says that irreparable damage has been done. The “experts”still seem to be wanting to push this relationship. That’s just ludicrous.
OMG Molly just keeps on playing the victim card.
Wow Molly sorta kinda apologizes to Jon. That’s what they do though, they say what they think they are supposed to say. Then she reiterates that she wasn’t sexually attracted to him but other than that, they got along very well. ON CAMERA. Off camera she was mentally abusive to him. Jon says he has said all he needs to say to her. The shrink that called Molly out for being a liar wants them to say what they are grateful for. Once again, butter would not melt in Molly’s lying mouth as she says she was grateful that Jon was there for the right reasons. You can just see Jon’s wheels turning in his head as this performance happens. Jon doesn’t play the bullshit game. He says he regrets doing the show. He lost his job and his apartment and he’s having to hit the reset button on life. They psychopath says, “Maybe that’s good thing.” Because all men like to be mentally abused for two months and have some bitch repeatedly say she has no attraction to him.
Pastor Cal says he can’t believe he can’t find one thing to be grateful for. Does he want him to lie like she does? Jon says he didn’t live through the weeks of hell that he did. The psychopath jumps in and reminds everyone how much she was trying and trying and trying and he just isn’t grateful. She’s the victim here! He wasn’t trying! She is REALLY trying to make herself look better and do damage control. They do share a laugh or two over her Harry Potter spell knowledge. STICK TO YOUR GUNS, JON! The experts are as confused as I am about this. DO NOT DO THIS JON! They ask Molly if he said he didn’t want a divorce, would she? I think they showed the levity of the Harry Potter discussion out of order. They have to make it seem like there could be a surprise ending. There will not be. DIVORCE! Plus more playing the victim by Molly. Jon said even before the fight in Florida he knew he was going to divorce.
Jaclyn and Ryan
Ryan’s parents tell him that they have to work through issues. His mom says women have more emotions than men and he needs to understand that.
Jaclyn talks to her best friend about decision day. She is not sure why she and Ryan are not in love. OOOH! OOOH! Pick me! Ryan is self-centered and is in love with his bro time. He’s just not that into you. She says she doesn’t know what to do on decision day. She doesn’t feel safe with Ryan.
On their last night before decision day. Ryan has been out-of-pocket since he worked overnight at the firehouse. He did not return her texts in the morning. She is pissed about that. She said she shared some really great things that happened today and he literally had no response. He tries to brush it off, and that just makes her even more upset. Ryan says “I’m sorry, but.” I wonder if Ryan has a girlfriend. He has cheater signals. Doesn’t return texts. Always has somewhere else he has to be. Though he seems to be trying hard to make her commit. Jaclyn wants it to work so badly; but, she knows she should get a divorce.
I am worried about Jephte and Shawniece being the last couple shown. I hope it is just because of the spoiler I was given and not because of something more dramatic. Anyway, I have no idea what Jaclyn is going to do here. I think Ryan will say yes. They have both played the divorce card according to Ryan. Ryan is playing the situation exactly like Molly did. He has learned so much and grown so much and been the bigger person so much. He’s so full of shit and Jaclyn seems to be realizing this as it is happening. He’s in full on douche mode. So I am hoping she asks for a divorce.
Ryan says he wants to stay married. It’s notable that he says in his little speech, “There’s no other girls that I have eyes for.” Yep. He’s a cheater. Dump him. But she doesn’t. She says she is falling in love with him and they agree to stay together. I think by the six month check-in they will be done. I hope not. I’d love to see Ryan grow a brain. But I don’t think he is that into her. She just fell for his story. Nonetheless, they celebrate with a champagne toast out of the proper glasses.
Shawniece and Jephte
Shawniece is really worried that Jephte might want a divorce after the second honeymoon went so bad that he said maybe they should not be married. Jephte tells his friend with the great advice that he didn’t realize when he started this whole thing how unsuited he was to be a husband. He’s not in love with Shawniece and that worries him. Shawniece is definitely committed to the marriage.
These two have an adorable set up in the back yard the night before decision day. They got each other gifts. Or production did. You never know. Oh no, Jephte totally selected this gift. He got Shawniece socks because that is what she gave him for their one month anniversary. She cracks up. Shawniece had a star named for them. He really liked that. These two are so cute when they are not fighting. Jephte has one more gift for her. It’s sexy lingerie. Jephte said he was very uncomfortable going to pick it out.
Shawniece tells Jephte that she is falling in love with him. That scares Jephte. He’s worried he won’t fall in love.
Shawniece says she is more nervous today than she was on her wedding day. Shawniece says she is just mentally trying to prepare herself for whatever Jephte says. And what he says it that he had sex with her before he was mentally ready. He says he didn’t want to tell her that because he didn’t want her to feel weird about it. He wanted her to move when she was ready to move. I mean he did sleep on the floor instead of in bed with her for a few weeks. I don’t really understand his chaste behavior. Surely, he’s had sex before and a one night stand. Is this some new chaste generation I am just not getting or is it that Jephte has just never had a girlfriend or sex before? Something is up with that. Ah then he says, he can’t remember the last time he had sex with someone who he really, really cared about.
WAIT WHAT? That was harsh. Then he goes all in and says that he doesn’t feel closer to her because they had sex. I mean, that might be a man thing and something he should not verbalize in front of her. He sort of laughs nervously when he says it. This is not going well! She is freaking out on the inside and I can see it. He says “I don’t think it will ever be about sex that I feel closer to Shawniece.” Even Pastor Cal looks confused. He just keeps on GOING! “My biggest fear is that I don’t fall in love with her.”
Shawniece says that for her, that is a red flag, “like me not never love me.” My heart is breaking.
Jepthe is up first. He can’t even look at her. He tells her she is a great person with a big heart. Still not looking at her. Then he says he thinks they are meant for each other so he wants to stay together. It’s almost worse than a fuck you the way he delivers it.
When it is Shawniece’s turn, she starts to cry. She says that clearly she had not done well with dating in the past, and she is so grateful for the experts matching her, BUT she’s really prayed about it and she’s like… DRAMATIC COMMERCIAL BREAK…
Then she says she wants to stay married. Jephte says that he knows if he were “to have children right now, with you obviously, I know I could trust you with them.” Who says shit like that as if it were some sort to declaration? I don’t love you, but I’d let you raise my kid. She says the say about children. Clearly they both know she is pregnant. Or not. She drinks the Korbel. Really, MAFS? You couldn’t buy a couple decent bottles of Champagne? I do better than that and I am ghetto fabulous.
So the spoiler was that Shawniece is pregnant! So hopefully we will hear more about that on the six month check in.
So they were two out of three this season. There is a half hour after show next that I normally never watch but I will now and will add any interesting updates in comments.