Well, the time has come. It’s reunion time. This means one thing. I get to listen to Dorit, lie in a funny accent, and attempt to rewrite history for the next hour. Ack I am behind. I forgot photos for this. MAFS recap is going to be very late tonight!
It looks like we are starting with Erika. She claims her book is in its third printing. She seems to think we haven’t seen her temper yet. LVP points out that she’s seen at least some of it on two occasions. LVP says Erika needs to consider how her outbursts effect those she unleashes on. Andy wants to know why her co-author of her book never spoke to Tom. Erika said because it was her memoir and she wanted to write about Tom. Still, the author of the book spoke to everyone else “she” wrote about. Erika seems super uncomfortable talking about the book. No one in her family has read the book yet. I’m starting to think the rumors about Erika having an arrangement with Tom are true. Supposedly he’s found a younger model that will spend more time with him. They are still married and live together but both do their own things. This is an unconfirmed rumor not something coming from my sources. She seems very touchy already. Andy says he thinks this is weird. He’s written three books and the first people he sent them to where his family and friends. He says especially Tom because, Andy says, “You speak about him in the book.” Erika replies, “Yeah and he sounds great!” Wow. Yep definitely trouble in paradise. It’s cheaper to keep her at this point.
Rinna says she would not go back to Days full time because it is a lot of work for no money and it is very time-consuming.
Dorit thinks it is just great that everyone had swimsuit named for them except for Teddi. Teddi seems a bit hurt by it and that surprises me. I wouldn’t think she would care. Teddi said that she didn’t realize that Dorit didn’t like her until she saw the show and her rude comments about her every time she reached out to her. Dorit says that Teddi is one person to her face and another behind her back. That is not true at all. Dorit is describing herself. Dorit says that Teddi only pretended her friend. Dorit is such a cunt.
Teddi got really upset watching the package about her IVF. She was crying about the problems she had with IVF and her son who has a heart condition. He daughter keeps asking for another baby and she is very conflicted because her last pregnancy was so complicated. So the cunt says, in her stupid fake accent, “Get a dog from Vanderpump Dogs, it’s like having a new addition.” Does she realize how vile and insensitive she is? LVP laughs. LVP’s red sequins dress is throwing red color under her chin and it makes is look like her chin is melting off in a bloody mess.
Some asswipe on Twitter wants to know what normal jobs she has had. She said she worked in the mail room at CAA and worked her way up to an assistant for one of the big shots. Andy is impressed by that because that is the cultish agency that represents him. They are a pretty ruthless group of elistist cocksuckers. She also worked at UTA for Rinna’s agent, the hardest boss she has ever had and an amazing woman. While she was doing that she waited tables. She says people have misconceptions about her life. She said when she was a child she lived a very good life but when she decided when she was 18 to move to LA and not go to college her parents response was, “Well, good luck then, honey.” And she had to fend for herself. Sounds a lot like Erika to me. She says that she makes enough as an accountability coach where she doesn’t have to ask her husband for anything. She and her dad and Meg Ryan all watched housewives together at Christmas. This seems to excite Andy, the social climber.
Next we talk about how low key Rinna was this season. Rinna says she intentionally tried to be more accountable for her behavior and she chose to react to the other women differently. Apparently, Rinna and Delilah have both been posting some really racy stuff on Instagram. A fan wants to know if she gets blowback from that. She says of course, but it’s her body and her Instagram and she will do what she wants with it. Amen. She also says that some of her photos have caused Delilah some blowback regarding work. That’s just ridiculous. Rinna hasn’t had any thing to eat since 1972 except for a tiny bite of a soft pretzel in Berlin in order to maintain that body. Let.Her.Live.People! They talk about Rinna’s book that daughter her daughters how to give head. It went back into print from that episode. It’s ten years old, Rinna says she should write an updated version. They talk about Rinna not saying anything about Teddi when she was on WWHL with Meghan McCain and Meghan said Teddi was boring and told him to stop hiring people with famous last names. Teddi says she is not in a fight with Meghan, she was just the recipient of her negativity.
Over the summer, Rinna watched the first two seasons of RHOBH and was live tweeting her thoughts. One of the many things she said was that she really like Cedric and wanted him to come back. Andy asked LVP what she thought about that. LVP said that was really nasty of her to say because he caused her family a lot of grief. LVP said she heard Rinna was being really nasty toward her but she didn’t see it. Rinna says she was being funny and that if LVP had seen it she would have laughed. That go back and forth a bit and Rinna says, “If you haven’t seen it, you should just shut up!” Amen. Amen. Then when LVP has an attitude she says, “Are you fucking kidding me? My Instagram stories that go away in 24hrs? Who gives a fucking shit?”
It’s time for the Kyle, LVP, Dorit triangle. I am sick of this storyline. Oh LVP is the victim. Of course. LVP will hardly let Kyle get a word out. Kyle lets us know that if LVP is mad at her she might not take her calls for a month, but she took Dorit’s. Kyle just needs to learn that LVP is a “Hollywood friend” and not a true friend. And Dorit is a cunt. Dorit of course says she never intended to hurt LVP when she spread all sorts of gossip about it. They play a clip from 2012 where Kyle very earnestly says that LVP holds a grudge forever. Kyle says, she is still being punished for that. Six years later. That is the truth about LVP and why I believe everything Brandi said about her podcast last week.
Dorit has to stick her nose in the discussion between Kyle and LVP. Every single thing she says does not apply to Kyle and is EXACTLY like Dorit. “She’s in competition with LVP” Kyle? Nope. She;s a billion times better off in every sense that LVP. “She tends to wind things up” Nope, that is what Dorit is doing now. I can’t recap Dorit anymore. It’s just a bunch of lies. Now she is trying to come in between Erika and Kyle. Erika is not having it. Dorit says that none of the things that support her side were filmed. By the way, whatever Kyle has had done was money well spent. She looks gorgeous. I have a headache now and have a two and a half hour recap to get through. Hopefully, there will be less screaming on the finale of MAFS.