Y’all! We need to talk about Carole’s blog this week.
The only thing more annoying then friends psychoanalyzing you is a friend psychoanalyzing you on television. Okay, so let’s do this:
Psst! Hey smartypants, it’s THAN not then.
When the episode opens, I’m staying at a hotel because my best pal says her house is too full and because I’m the type of girl who likes to have a friend close 24/7 – virtually velcro’d to my side at all times. Ummm…rut-roh.
Everyone knows the real reason that Bethenny didn’t invite ANYONE to stay at her house is because her kid was there, and Dennis was there and she didn’t want her house to be the epicenter of filming. Everything is not about you, Carole.
But wait…fourteen minutes later, I’m a hard-to-reach friend, I don’t reply to texts, and my phone has a weird message that says it’s broken (it doesn’t). Three of my five friends are complaining that I didn’t give them enough affirmation when none of them showed up to support my marathon run and instead took one and a half seconds to write a text. I guess they expected a parade when all I did was say, Thank you! (written out). I’m curious, what would you have done?
Let’s pick a story and stick with it. Because if Carole is anything, it’s consistent. That reminds me, let’s play a game:
While running a marathon is a great accomplishment, it was run on Bethenny’s actual birthday. She was off having a good time with her real friends. Oh wait no she was not. She is in Puerto Rico knee-deep in mud getting food and water to people who had just been through a major natural disaster. Filming season was not really in full swing and most of the women were enjoying one of the last weekends before everyone yoked to production again for the new season. You have never seemed particularly close to anyone except Bethenny and Tinsley. There was no reason for anyone to return to town early for your marathon. It was kind of them to remember you were in it and send congratulatory texts.
Carole is the kind of person who_________.
Carole is the kind of person who celebrates her friends.
Carole is the kind of person who has very close female friendships.
Carole is the kind of person who that if her friend was running a marathon, she’d be at the finish line.
Carole is the kind of person who laughs easily and doesn’t take herself so seriously.
Carole is the kind of person who understands the difference between an opinion and the truth.
Carole is the kind of person who doesn’t shade the truth in order to prove a lie.
Carole is the kind of person who can take criticism if actual criticism is given.
Wow, if only we all thought this highly of ourselves…
Carole is the kind of person who will correct the record backed up with screenshots and evidence. Lol.
Carole is the kind of person who believes in being gracious, in spite of being confronted by a mob group posing as friends.
Gracious? Grace is exemplified by kindness, tact, compassion. That’s not what I get from you. You seem petty. You talk behind people’s backs. You’re petty. It’s sort of the opposite of gracious. You certainly do not exhibit grace under fire.
Carole is the kind of person who drives four hours in traffic to go to her friend’s birthday dinner, who brings three dozen roses, and doesn’t make a big deal when she doesn’t say thank you.
Carole is the kind of person who forgives friends easily for behaving rudely, for being self-centered, self-absorbed and generally bitchy, but maybe she should stop letting things roll off so easily.
I thought most of these qualities were the qualities that Bethenny and you had in common and why you were so close?
What Carole isn’t is a fair-weather friend, and while she may not have three dance tunes and a Pandora radio station (yet!), she genuinely cares for her close friends and is sad to see hidden jealousies and resentments pop up on television. Had I known then what is very clear to me now, this entire story would have ended much differently.
It seems like you have never been a friend to Luann. I sincerely doubt Luann is jealous of you. You really do seem to be suffering from delusions of grandeur.
Carol then listed an animal rescue website in case we’d like to donate in some sort of tacky “I support charity’s too! jab. Speaking of charity, Captain Lee is doing the Marine Industry Cares four-hour spin a thon on Friday. It’s a very good cause, tax-deductible. If any of you feel moved to contribute, and amount would be a big help. He doesn’t seem to have as much financial backing this year as he did last year. Click here to donate. Thanks.
P.S. Ramona isn’t tolerated by any of us. She is and has been a good friend who has her quirks like the rest of us. But that girl has more close girlfriends than any single girl I’ve ever known. They literally velcro themselves to her side! That’s because she knows what it means to be a good friend, regardless of her dynamic with Bethenny, who is not a friend to her.
Is it me or is this love of Ramona out of left field. She has always been Team Bethenny in the Ramona Bethenny wars. Now Ramona is the apple of her eye and Bethenny is a crap friend?
And sure, I guess Luann can be fun too, but she called me a pedophile, refers to my three-year relationship as a “boytoy,” and diminishes my accomplishments, because I don’t have three dance tunes on Pandora! But sure, B, she’s fun too. Nice way to have my back like I always had yours. Sad.
Oh there it is. Can someone remind me, after the whole war correspondent thing book thing and before the marathon, you know since the beginning of her being on the show.. what are her accomplishments again? All I’ve got is that she finally recovered her couch. Anyone?
And poor dumb Sonja not to know the difference between a bad divorce and a young death. I feel sorry for her except for the fact that she is #nastynice to my friends, and if I’m anything, it’s loyal. #rideordiehoney
Why are you measuring everyone’s suffering like it is a contest? Shouldn’t someone with you self-proclaimed grace have compassion for someone who has been through a nasty divorce, a nasty law suit, empty nest syndrome no life partner to share the load? Is she not allowed to talk about her pain without you or Dorinda screaming “MY HUSBAND DIED BITCH!”
I predict Carole and Tinsley are going to be in for a rough season. Especially after the rest of the girls rally around Luann. You are not necessary to this show Carole. You have now put yourself on an island with Tinsley and Dorinda is the only one who will occasionally send you smoke signals.
What do y’all think about Carole’s poison pen blog?