The Every whisper
Of every waking hour
I’m choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up
I’m having some sort of a personal meltdown. I only know that tax day started it. I’m at times having panic attacks about the grocery store. But Tax day? I finally got it all done yesterday after being awake for 36 hours or so. It was a huge drama. My bank doesn’t let people pay large amounts of money without authorization from the bank manager which took hours. I thought I would feel a sense of relief. But I don’t. I feel scared, lonely,and I don’t know why.
I’m in a pitiful place.
Maybe I will get my shit together and recap RHOBH. Maybe I won’t. I just want to take to my bed and feel sorry for myself. Thanks for understanding and if you want to help, please read some older posts. I think I need to call in sick today.
And I really suggest watching American Idol.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly. Sometimes the world just gets to be a little too much and there’s usually no real explanation for when it hits. Take some time to yourself and I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Please feel better. Maybe it’s just the stress of paying out all that money. I’m finally getting my roof replaced next week due to all the damage from the hurricane and I’m feeling the anxiety of spending all that money even though it;s mostly from the insurance company. Maybe you can drag yourself out and take Banjo for a walk around the block if the weather is good. That may help. All the best.
Best to you, TT. You need a break. This job can be soul-crushing and the fact that you’ve managed it so well and for so long, on your own is quite frankly, incredible. Call a friend or a hotline if you need to talk.
Well said, Katherine. I also don’t know how Tamara does it.
Love you TT. Take a walk with Banjo or snuggle in bed and dream of this year’s crop of tomato plants.
Hoping for a sunny day tomorrow to chase your blues away!
TT, you deserve a break whenever you see fit. Love your recaps and they will be missed. Take care of yourself. See you when you return.
Feel better soon!
Eat something sustaining – I’m betting you forgot to, in the throes of tax forms. It’s a testing time of year – my excema is violent, ditto psoriasis, which flare under stress. Keeping a low profile and as free of paperwork as possible. You might enjoy RHOBH later on – where is the rivalry between LVP and Erica we’ve been tantalised with? I suspect the same realisation that I saw dawning on Yolanda is dawning on Erica – that they can’t compete with the ladies of RHOBH despite expectations and props to the contrary.
Take it easy. Rest.
Hugs TT. I’m so sorry you feel bad. I wish I could help. I’ll read old posts!! Hang in there. Try to get some sleep. Things might feel slightly better with a little sleep (but what do I know). Hugs.
You have had alot happen in the last month – you have to listen to your body – if you need to sleep -sleep.
you are the priority my friend – we are here for you.
Tamara, do whatever you need to take care of yourself. There are a lot of us out here who really care about you. Rest and get better. Best wishes and hugs always…
I second this. Take care- Fondly,
As Dr Phil says, I don’t ask why tax day makes me feel like I’m losing my mind, I ask why it doesn’t make EVERYONE THEIR MIND!!!!!
I’ll catch up on articles, tweet my favs, and wonder where all our tax money really goes……..
My son was getting stressed out to the point I kind of noticed he was ignoring his first filing of taxes.
I told him, if your overwhelmed, consider checking in to an extension, to get it to where you can take the time and effort to understand, so this doesn’t occur again, and your more confident.
He argues to be an adult, knows all suddenly, so it’s a maze keeping him in charge, but on track. I hope my advice is what I should do. It’s the 17th!!!
Love that kid, who wants to be a man, but still is barely 21.
The IRS has extended the deadline one day because of computer problems. I work for the IRS and this whole filing season has been one long nightmare. For most of today our computers were down and wouldn’t accept electronically filed returns. People were in a panic and I heard from every single one of them.
Get some rest, treat yourself to a nice meal, hug Banjo and take several deep breaths and don’t worry about recapping anything. We will all be here when you feel better.
Oh no T.O’Krsa.
That sounds like a nightmare for a IRS employee.?
Sounds like you need to climb in bed and forget today, lol.
Hope tomorrow is better. ?
Oh T, I feel for you! I have only a glimmer of what you’re going through at work at this time of year. I worked for county government for 25 years, first 10 years having clients with cash aid, food stamps, Medi-Cal, etc. That was 20 years ago, I still have nightmares around the 1st of the month. Of course I need to multiply my experience x 1,000,000 to even come close to approximating yours.
Take good care of YOU; sleep, water, soft music, brisk walk…whatever it takes to keep you keeping on,
Thanks. I really love my job. I work for the best kept secret at the IRS. I work for the Taxpayer Advocate Service. We represent taxpayers who are having problems or issues with their taxes or the IRS. We move mountains, leap tall buildings in a single bound, move faster than a speeding bullet and often, literally, change lives. Completely free service with offices (and some times several) in every state in the union.
That’s a awesome TO, I had a crazy tax year. I’m kind of poor so I get a good deal back. I claim both of my kids, and their dads are cool with that. When I tried to Efile with turbo tax( which I will NEVER USE AGAIN), it said someone had used one of my kids SS. So I asked each of their dads, both said no. Then J( my youngests dad), sent me a copy of his taxes, and turbo tax had put her SS in for EIC, anyway, I had to paper file. Big mess, and I got my full refund. Still unsure if he will have to pay that money back though?♀️?
The filing deadline was always set at the 17th. Why do they do that? Wouldn’t it make more sense for the deadline to be the 16th?
More than once I wondered how you were able to do what you do, feeling the way you feel.
There are great archives (picture of Banjo) and you just need to feel better. Whatever and whenever it applies, we’re going to be here. Feel better. Xo
Take as much time as you need! Sending positive vibes your way! ❤️
Take a break and take care of yourself. Although we’ll miss you and keep checking in, now’s the time to rest until it passes. I can’t do those long stretches, so you did really well to stick with it and crank it out. Congratulations.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly. Was your tax bill worse than you anticipated? If so, I highly suggest placing your “donate” button back up. If I’m out of line, I’m sorry. I just want you to feel better. You have a lot of people that hold you in high regard that would help you in the blink of an eye. Please let us know if we can help out in any way at all. If you need some time off, please take it! Take care of YOU! XOXO
❤️??????
Hope you are feeling better soon! I read you everyday (EVERYDAY!!) as a welcome respite from my stress. Wishing you some peace and that you find comfort in how much love this community has for you, and how much joy you bring to all of us with your dedication, commitment and brilliant purple pen.
For most people a good night or two’s solid sleep improves their mental outlook tremendously. Sleep deprivation wrecks peoples’ attitude and ability to cope. Come back to us when you feel like it.
Deep breaths! You’ll feel better after a break and a nap. We’re pulling for you!
Go get your hands in the dirt and drink that over priced electrolyte water you get from whole paycheck. Report back this weekend with a tomato update. I expect you to have 2 cheat plants in pots and a couple of others.
take care of you,
We will try to be patient for your
incredible recaps and thoughts on things.
Same. I think it’s normal. I try to put things into perspective and get myself a chocolate milkshake. Sometimes it helps.
Try to gets some sleep and drink some Smart water. Take care (Huggs).
Woosah… TT Woosah.
XXO
Hang in there Tamara! We need you! ?
It is all going to be okay.
Really.
Take a much need day, regroup, recoup, and we will be here, waiting, maybe impatiently, but we will wait. TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Hug Banjo for a dose of unconditional love. Eat chocolate, dark chocolate if you insist on healthy food. Dance it out, put on something lively and dance with Banjo, he will think you are nuts but you will both enjoy it.
Does this sound shallow? Maybe but it works. Dogs are proven to provide all kinds of benefits including lowering blood pressure.
Dogs help. As do chickens, bees, the other beings that occupy our space. They accept us.
Cows, pigs, horses. Yes! I’d be insane without the unconditional love of animals.
Just Remember, Everybody Hurts, sometimes
I like that Muffintop! I also think chocolate, music and dancing and our dog go a long way to make things feel better on a bad day. Hope it works for you too TT!!
You take a much- deserved break, TT. Relax and rejuv. We’ll be here when you get back. Hugs!
i hope that you feel better soon. I’ll wait patiently for your return.
Take whatever time you need
We will be here…
?????
G*ddamn this time of year.
Effing allergies, oops “sensitivities” are literally in the air. Causes gut feelings that translate to panic in the brain.
Every. Person. I. Know. (and I know many) is struggling. The very solid hubby is having issues. My 30ish son is sleeping all day and up all night when he feels “best”.
TT you are ok. At times it feels like the worst kind of melt-down. But you are ok.
Make some orange-ade. Electrolytes, flavor, diluted vitamins. Eat some veg, some beans, and a nice piece of cornbread. Eat less so your gut can digest all the junk in the air that you are breathing in. But eat well. Don’t deny yourself nutrition. Wine, chocolate, water are all good.
This is a rough time. Breathe, love Banjo, give yourself love.
Kathy D, you are so right about every person you know is struggling. Same here. Everyone I know is out of sorts, including myself. I’ve always suspected allergies mess up your brain.
Tamara, you have accomplished so much and inspired so many others the last few months; a break is definitely in order. Sending a warm hug your way. Know that there are a lot of people here who care about you and are wishing you the best.
We will be here when you return. If you have negative voices in your head (as I do), tell those voices to shut the fuck up. Works for me periodically.
I agree with KathyD. Allergies can set up a cascade of bad feelings so just give in to the need to rest and recoup. Don’t feel like you owe anything to us – we’re a funny kind of fan base, we’re also a mutual support network. Right now, you need our support and good thoughts while we store up some snark to post on our favorite shows once you feel like posting again, and I bet you know the bottom line on Luzette Otte, too! Take bubblebaths, buy yourself treats when you go our for Banjo’s food and just be nice to Tamara, ok?
I hope you are reading all of these comments, from all of us who care for you. Take care of yourself. We’ll be here.
You take care of you. We’ll still be here when you feel better. <3
Get well soon my sister. I love you much. ?
You could have a little PTSD, it was so stressful it may take a few days to get over it, please dont expect it to happen right away. If you cant come around in another day or two, see a doctor please. Meanwhile, we will live without the recap. Hugs!
Sleep deprivation really does a number on those who are feeling overwhelmed. That voice inside tells the affected person that these feelings are a permanent reality and that there is no hope. Although you don’t believe it because your currently in its strong emotional grip, the truth is that those feelings of condemnation are a lie.
The suggestions from your readers are good ones. As a Christian woman, I’ll go over scriptures that proclaim God’s love and plans for me, and remind myself of my blessings. You too have been blessed. You are a good communicator and writer. Your educated, and have set about to make positive changes in your personal environment. Those are all good things to be thankful for. If you need to take a time out, give yourself permission. Your readers understand because we have (or currently) been there.
Hugs to you Tamara!
Feel better soon, TT! Sometimes just going to bed does a world of good. We used to have a fridge magnet that said, “I have so much to do, I’m going to bed.” Best advice ever! We all love your recaps and we’ll be here when you get back. Take some time for yourself and Banjo.
Your instincts are perfect, even though your emotions at the moment can’t take comfort from that. But you’re doing all the right things. See you on the other side, very soon — xoxoox
Sending love your way!!! We will be here when you are ready!!!
TT I’m sending you love and peace vibes from Minnesota ♡♡♡ I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. I can relate to those dark feelings of not wanting to even get out of bed and feeling overwhelmed and anxious over what other people would say is “nothing” depression and anxiety suck! Take care of yourself xoxoxo
Ugh, I’m so sorry, TT. Please, take some Xanax and take all the time you need. Don’t worry about the recaps! We love you! <3
PS if you need Xanax lemme know.
PPS Everything Will Be OK.
This post made my heart hurt. Take all the time you need. The archives are a treasure trove of snark & need to be re visited by all of us while you take a much needed & deserved break. Take care xo Marc
Lurker here. Reading this outpouring of support for you, I send a hearty “ditto.” As a fellow fan of “Imposters,” and a frequent reader of yours, it occurs to me that you might be more than a little familiar with imposter syndrome, the (exhausting) feeling that you’re always just a second away from people discovering that you’ve been engaged in an elaborate lark based on the need to fake it until you make it. Girl, you’ve made it, and that supersedes any bravado you may have needed to employ along the way. On days like today, when those feelings creep in, don’t welcome them, don’t treat them with polite respect, don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Be a snob. Banish them. In addition to the other good suggestions people have given (that bath, that walk with Banjo…), take a minute to give a fresh, hard appraisal to your clicks and comments and whatever other data you have, and try to picture the people behind them, all gathered in your living room. Impossible, right? We wouldn’t fit in your house, yard, block, neighborhood, town. You’ve got an army of people who don’t need anything from you except for you to keep on being who you are. And you have built up enough good will to take a break each and every time you need one, with not a single apology needed. I mean this so sincerely, I’d have messaged you privately if I knew how. Take care and feel some well-earned peace tonight.
We are behind you TT!! I had a counselor once suggest I schedule a “mental health day” and I follow that advice when I need to. So do what you need to do. Mental health issues are not for sissies and if you’ve never struggled with it-count yourself lucky. It sucks to be alone making all decisions by yourself-it’s a lot. I’m in the same boat. Love you girl!!
Take all the time you need, we’re all here for you. Sending you my heart felt well wishes Tamara.
Hope you can cry and sleep it out.
We love you
I love REM, and I love what you do here.
Eat well. Sleep well. Drink some of your overpriced magic water. Treat yourself like #1, so you don’t get treated like #2. ?
But seriously, self-care is top priority. ?
Get a good sleep, eat a good meal. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
I live in metro Atlanta/West Georgia if you need a friend…
No judgment; just compassion. I’ll come to you.
i hope you feel better soon. look at all the love you have here.
Are you engaging again? Maybe take a step back, I don’t know. Feel better.
TT, we here know what a super hero you are. You’ve touched every single one of us, changed our lives, make us laugh and when we’ve been good you whip out your Mighty Purple Pen!
I’m sure I can speak for all of us; YOU ARE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY HERE! Please do whatever makes you feel better, for as long as it takes. WE WILL BE HERE WAITING. Us ratchet fans of yours are going NO WHERE.
Love, radchick
Get your needed rest Tamara! It must be exhausting being so brilliant everyday. Thank you for this site. It’s the best one out there?
Take a break from recapping the nonsense- it must be soul sucking to spend so much of your time watching these fools in tv as well as dealing with us commenters. Curl up with Banjo, tend to your plants- do whatever feeds YOUR soul.
I hope that today is better. So many kind and encouraging words from everyone. You are loved.
Close your eyes, take some deep breaths and breathe. …
Sending healing vibes your way from the Pacific Northwest☺.
Hugs to you and Banjo!
* oops, did not mean to send that particular emoji….i don’t know what it even means.
TT, my ray of sunshine. Its OK, retreat, breathe, relax. We are all here when you pop your head back out.
Hang in there girlie!
Xoxo!
I hope you feel batter soon?
I hope you’re feeling better.
Glad you are back TT. Maybe a good rest helped I hope
Do you know any news from 90 day Fiancé? Molly has announced her return. How is that possible. Didn’t she just announce her divorce? Did she go to DR and snag another one?
Just wanted to say hope you have a decent night, sleep well, and wake up feeling having realized the crazy took a walk. ?? ?
Worth putting it out there, you never know. ? ?
TT, I prescribe a relaxation massage and a nice warm soak in a bubble bath followed by a nap. You got your taxes done and fought the bank and won and things will look brighter in the morning. I hope you will also consider seeing a counselor or joining a support group for survivors of ? abuse?. Some things we just can’t do for ourselves no matter how strong, independent, and resourceful we are. Let someone have the pleasure of helping you.
You have faithful readers who will gladly wait for you, patiently, and wish you nothing but the best. I am one. Be well.
TT, hope you are doing better! I am a big fan of yours and read your blog religiously. It surely helps me see these shows from a different perspective! I look for your post quickly after the show ends and once I read through comments I often come back and scroll through just to see if you’ve replied to anyone’s comments. Since I don’t comment I truly wish there was a “LIKE” button so you knew I was here!
Thank you for your dedication and efforts to posting so promptly. I was worried and at a loss waiting for your return! Your health must come first and I hope you are sleeping and feeling better now. Warm regards, Floridagirl
Hey, my husband is self employed and had a good year. I know better than to get attached to our savings account but it still majorly stings to write that enormous check. It feels unfair that we have to give away so much of what we bust our asses for. That’s not any kind of a political statement, btw, just a human one. If you need to decompress and heal from the experience listen to what your body is telling you.
Thanks to all for the lovely thoughts and comments and advice.
April has just been a lot for me Tax season always freaks me out. What if I don’t get my shit on time? What if the attorney doesn’t? I have a panic attack for hours each month before paying my monthly expenses. I always have the money to do so and the entire thing takes me ten minutes. So TAX SEASON? Preparing all the shit to sent the the ATTY/CPA to file it for me is INSANELY STRESSFUL
A few other things happened this month, my peeping tom stopped moving his camera around and sitting in his window staring at people trying to plant things to block his cameras a few weeks ago. Which was a good thing, but I knew he was probably dead because that was how he spent his days. My friend who schedules my maid service kept telling me people were coming who did not come and if you follow me on twitter you know that alone has me breathing in a a paper bag because I hate people in my house, So I would get all worked up that that had to happen and then they would not show.
On Easter, I had to leave after Happy Birthday was sung in the 19th language at the behest of my sister who was whistling like someone to hail a cab along with others for no apparent reason. I usually skip Easter because of all the people at her house. And it was just a big deal this year because there was a very important birthday . Unfortunately I was having a panic attack that by the time I got home I realizes was a heart issue. When you have panic attacks “they feel like a heart attack buy you are fine.” This one was different I was having pain in my left arm I was having pain in my left chest. I was freaking the hell out trying to get out of there and stupidly trying to wait on a piece of humming bird cake to go. That’s how good my sister’s hummingbird cake is. Those symptoms did not improve for three days. I’m much better now.
I am still having pain in my joints in weird ways a knuckle, wrist, knee or elbow will start hurting pretty bad, Then it goes away.
Then there idiots who send me shit all day long about a reality show I have recapped where they don’t want me to keep the post up because they are embarrassed by what came out from it.
Meanwhile information is rolling in that I to fact check, sources are tweeting me, people want to sue me for things y’all say in comments (I am not liable, you are) and I am just tired, I do this 24/7 for the past SEVEN YEARS. I am burning out a little bit..But I am an Entertainment NEWS website. So .. I have to stay on top of the news with the help of my team who sends me links everyday,
I know this sounds whiney. But when you have anxiety, it’s just been a particularlly difficult month, Thanks for bearing with me.
.
No. Not whining, explaining! Makes sense. Worried about the lingering pain…? Get in to your GP.
Thanks for all you do for this mottley crew!
Whining? Hardly.
Seems like a perfect storm of stress to me.
And being aware of what is stressful might just help.
I’m glad your heart feels better! I’ve been reading your old posts and it brings back so many memories. I loved The Jonathan Jaxson ones. I totally forgot about him. And I left a comment on that post, but it’s shocking that he is still hanging celebs out to dry…even if they are Z list.
XXO. (The O is overly long and awkward.)
Jesus, this is the FOURTH bandaid on cut tonight.Saruated. Wont stop! tiny cut but apparently deep
And sometimes. I just want my mama.
I get it. Thanks for explaining things to us.
After watching Southern Charm (1st time) and then Imposter’s, I had an anxiety attack wondering how the hell you do it writing all the recaps and getting them up so fast. Plus all the other bullshit you have to deal with on a daily. And for SEVEN years! Wow. Just wow!