Okay, you guys. It seems you are not interested in UnReal anymore so this will probably be my last recap of the show and it will go into my box of great shows I can watch without having to recap. Having a Suitress this season made a great power dynamic especially because Rachel chose a strong female for the position. Serena is not as easy to manipulate as the Suitors were, but she does give some unexpected push back.
Right away, something is up with Rachel’s dad. Either Quinn or Rachel’s mom seems to have taken over his mind somehow. I suspect Quinn. She knows where he is and she can buy him off and do something to him that will land Rachel back in crazy town where she wants her.
We find out it is hometown dates as Quinn and Rachel watch one of the guys jack off. You just know this happens on The Bachelor and The Bacherlotte. Apparently, there is only one hometown date and everyone agrees it should be Owen. When Serena reluctantly chooses him, he is less than excited. Owen tells Serena that based on her decisions on the show, she is not the kind of person she wants to take home to meet his daughter. Serena apologizes and begs for another chance. And off we go to Colorado. Except for we don’t because there has been another child custody abduction somewhere in the state. I do not understand these Amber Alerts on my TV. If someone is taking a child somewhere, they are on the road. Put them on the highway signs. That is a great idea. But interrupting TV programming a ten thirty at night is ridiculous. We are home, watching TV. Giving us the license tag of someone abducting a child is RETARDED! Please stop doing this. We are home, on the couch eating pink lady apples and aged white cheddar sipping Pinot Grigio! If we could help we would but it is pajama and wine time! They abductor would have to walk through my living room in the ghetto for me to notice. Stop It.
So once the government has relinquished control of the TV I pay over $200 a month to watch, Quinn and some guest lady, are arguing over programming.
Then in Colorado, Owen’s kid runs out and hugs Serena and says “You’re my new mommy!” And she replies, “No, I’m not.” It’s all very awkward. This episode has too much Everlasting and not enough behind the scenes.
The important thing is that hot guys were digging holes in their front yard to save the environment or something. I wasn’t really paying attention.
And then Serena saved Owen’s daughter from being killed by a car. Quinn is thrilled she almost killed a baby. She got all of Serena’s “Mama juices flowing.” Serena is back in with Owen. But Chet is furious with Quinn. He had asked her to be a character witness for him to see his son and she had agreed but now that he is pissed at her for making a little girl piss her pants and almost die, she is saying she won’t be his character witness. I mean, if Quinn is your character witness, you should probably kill yourself.
I am so disappointed in Jaye. He was the normal one with a conscience for two seasons and now this? But still, Alexi IS hot.
Zach got sent home. If anyone cares. It’s not about the show. It’s about behind the scenes. And Asa checked out and went back to Rachel’s mom. Wow. I totally thought it was Quinn. Based on the previews I am glad I am not recapping this anymore.
Thanks for both of you who watch this with me. See you in the funny pages.