We start off with Kyle and Teddi on time for the noon trip to the Berlin Zoo. Rinna and Dorit are in the spa getting massages and pedicures while everyone waits for them. No idea where Erika is at this point. After nearly an hour, Kyle and Teddi text that they will meet them in front of the zoo. Erika is sick as a dog and that is why she is late. The zoo is 173 years old. That’s amazing. The threesome is being led on tour by the zoo director who is a wealth of knowledge. There are only, 1,834 pandas left in the world. They ladies get behind the scenes access to the ones on loan from China.
Apparently, Rinna and Dorit were tasked with filming all the spa scenes in exchange for their lovely suites. I’d be pissed if I missed the zoo for a massage. These two probably volunteered for the spa day. We didn’t get to see nearly enough of the zoo. I wish they would post unseen footage.
Later Kyle and Teddi do their makeup together. Kyle does Teddi’s makeup for her. I believe they are getting ready for the boat ride (probably from hell) and they are talking about Erika’s behavior toward Teddi. It seems even though both sides have already apologized for their roles, production needs a fight for the boat scene. Because, God forbid two women apologize and move on like normal people.
Rinna is in a latex coat, she is wearing a blazer as a dress over a black Teddi. Once again, Erika is late and the lades are drinking on the van. The girls call Erika because they are not going to make the boat at this point. She doesn’t answer so the girls go on without her with the plan to hold the boat. On the way there, Dorit and Kyle agree to stop arguing over LVP. Erika eventually leaves the hotel via car and driver. She arrives in her latex ensemble.
Erika shows off her latex ensemble and Rinna shows off her Teddi. Rinna wonders why they are having such a good time on the boat. Oh, yes! It’s because LVP is not there.
After the boat ride the girls head to a nightclub down a dark and scary alley. Well we thought it was a nightclub. At first it seems like a big empty warehouse but in the back is a secret restaurant that one may dine at by invitation only. Well alright then. You might not want to advertise it on a TV show. As the lovely appetizer of beets and truffles and such is place in front of them, Dorit, is dismayed that their candles are not it. I literally could not abide going on vacation with Dorit. Dorit is one of the many examples of why I can’t travel with others. I’ve done it and I promise you traveling is way more fun when you can go alone and don’t have people doing obnoxious things or freaking out because you are puking your guts out when you stumble back to the room you are sharing with your sister at five am. I mean it’s not my fault she didn’t want to go clubbing in NYC and she’s just lucky the random guy who drove me back to my hotel and walked me to the door didn’t come in to crash as well. I’m just saying. Freedom from judgement on vacation is a good thing.
Erika’s latex attire is apparently to make her look like a badass when she comes for Teddi. Teddi is such a soft target that Erika really should be ashamed of herself. But she’s not. When Dorit asks if everyone is good, Erika spits out, “I have one issue, pretend amnesia.” while tugging on her latex bow. Really? I am so sick of this argument. Erika lied. Teddi called her out. Both people apologized. And now Erika wants to go another round? Is this really necessary? Teddi’s eyes are always watery. Erika has her bitch tone on. Is it from the tequila shots? Dorit points out that Erika scares the living shit out of Erika. Teddi says that she doesn’t know what it is about Erika that makes her emotional. Suddenly, Erika realizes that she has been an asshole. She doesn’t want to scare anyone. And just like that, Erika says she will not revisit the subject again and they are good. I feel like they just went through the motions of that spat to satisfy production. But, Teddi really does appear to be intimidated by Erika. I wish she would stand her ground more.
Well, LVP was not docked an episode for leaving Berlin early. She has a Vanderpump dogs commercial in this episode.
I love these interstitial montages between the housewives primary packages. “Lola did you see any rats?” “Wow, the crotch is so tiny!” etc…
Kyle is sad to be leaving her house. Sure she is moving into a huge mansion but as much as I want to move out the ghetto, I keep changing my mind. I email my real estate agent in Charleston crying for her to get me out of here and then the next day send a list of reasons why I can’t leave yet. It’s insane. I know this but I’ve always moved a lot and this is the longest I’ve even lived anywhere and I have a bunch of crap I have accumulated and it is just overwhelming and even though it is a chapter that I need to end, I am for reasons I don’t clearly understand, reluctant. Kyle has only lived there for around six years.
Teddi and her family go out to eat. Teddi says that she has decided it’s not important to her to invest in a horse anymore. She has a lot of clients, (and the show) and she just wants to be sure she has time to focus on her family. Her husband says,”I guess I can buy the new Lamborghini now!”
Erika Jayne has a NYC performance at a gay club. There is an issue about using smoke. They are going to have to go with glitter cannons, sayeth the fire marshal.
I believe next week is the finale. I can’t believe that Dorit’s fake fashion show is going to be the finale event. UGH. Dear God please let this final scene end. Dorit’s voice is killing me. I can’t wait to see Kyle’s new house and the premiere of American Woman! Camille announces her engagement. Kyle gets pissed off at Dorit and LVP again.