Calling all Vanderpeople. Tonight concludes the Vanderpump Rules season 6 Mexico adventure. Expect tears. Expect shouting. Expect Kristen on James action? It’s a rewind episode. Production tells us upfront the moral majority have decided Kristen and James made up plus some. Could it be true? Did she cheat on Carter? Did James cheat on Raquel? Will we ever get the backstory?
12 hours earlier…
James uses his personality and charm TV to get the club DJ to play the Pump CD. He is in his glory. White Kanye, making it happen. His DJ swerve works on a drunk Kristen. A drunk, drunk, drunk Kristen. She slurps her drink seductively. She lurches erotically. She gives all four of him the eye. People notice their sudden rapprochement. And quicker than you can say Hasenpfeffer Incorporated, production shows us that neither of their beds were slept in. Sounds a little pirate-y to me.
Jax has finally found his calling (and it’s not tweeting for Tampa hockey). If sex scene reenactments paid, he’d be a rich man. Oh wait, that exists. It’s called porn and Jax is very familiar with it. Okay, so maybe he’s more of a sex sleuth. He spins a few clues into a convincing argument that Kristin and James definitely boned. Brittany wishes he spent as much energy on their relationship (sad).
How the Survers greet the day says so much about their personality. Ariana, looking flawless, gives Sandoval a perfectly produced compliment on his golf attire. Sandoval does a rehearsed spin for the camera. Katie looks like any of us do after a bender. She’s Mess America. Schwartz stares into the mirror, searching for the meaning of life. He might’ve figured it out last night but he’ll never know. He fell too deep into the cups again. Lala gets roses. Scheana totally isn’t jealous. At all. Even a little bit. Flowers from your boyfriend? Basic. You know what’s not basic? Drinking from a baby bottle. That’s just creepy.
On the links, Jax presents his rock solid case against Kristen and James. James, who hasn’t stopped drinking since dinner the night before, is easily tricked into saying words that Jax dubs an admission. By the time James figures out what is going on, the damage is done. But don’t count James out yet. He deflects onto Jax by accusing him of deflecting onto James. Did you follow that? It’s a marvel of circular logic. When he grows up, I want James to join Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
While getting massages, Scheana’s mouth only stops long enough for Brittany to drop the Kristen and James bomb. Scheana appreciates the deflection. She passes the story far and wide. Between Jax and Scheana, everyone hears tell of The Boning of Kristen By James.
Sidenote: Is LVP advertising Tom Tom or angling for a design show? I don’t understand her cutaway scenes.
The WoWeHo don’t believe Kristen. With friends like these… While James is passed out next door, Sandoval and Jax recite his admission word for word (replacing “hanging out” with “hooking up”). It’s damning evidence. The group has to choose sides because, emotional maturity of a twelve year old. Do they believe the pathological liar or the chronic cheat? Now this is an actual dilemma. I have a Schroedinger’s cat thing going. I think they did hook up but I also don’t believe Jax. That’s my circular logic.
Kristen is mad at James. She thinks he started the rumor in a locker room bid to curry favor the big boys. James is furious that Jax is lying about him. Stop whining, James. You knew he was a snake when you picked him up. In case anyone is still confused, James makes it crystal clear. He. Would. Never. Cheat.
Tom Schwartz tells his friends a cute story about ending up at a nearby resort with no idea how he got there. All we hear is a cry for help.
Sandoval got all of his boys suits with short pants expressly for the final dinner. He’s pissed that only he (leopard print) and James (neon pink) wear theirs. Those outfits are going to look especially silly once Kristen blows up dinner. It happens during her toast. She rushes past the thank yous, straight to the venom. Kristen eviscerates James, backed up by Jax and the Toms. There’s an evil beauty to a gambit like this. Change one word from James into a confession. People will independently “remember” because most of it was said. Even James is second guessing himself. He knows he didn’t say it but… it does sound familiar. I don’t know who the mastermind is but I know it’s not Jax.
Words are exchanged but Kristen wants a gunfight. She tosses her beer in James’ face like she’s auditioning for a two-episode arc on Y&R. Lala gets splash-off and all I hear is, “Sorry, French!” James and Lala storm away, camera crew in tow. This isn’t over.
Next week: Lala blows up her lips with the Kylie Jenner bottle challenge. Kristen has to convince Carter she didn’t cheat. Production throws a progress party at Tom Tom. And Jax confronts Brittany’s barback, to disastrous effect.
This episode was fantastic and the recap even better!! Rapprochement – cool word. I’ll admit, I had to look it up. Poor James – I love your assessment about him second guessing himself. Jax has never been so happy, kicking back in the golf cart and watching it all blow up. You could just see him relax into it. I get that about Jax. I enjoy a good gossip fest.
It is going to be very hard for Schwartz and his wandering liver enzymes to get help when all of his friends define themselves by their drinking and partying. Plus, Tom Tom…. not a great career for an alcoholic…. or a great career if you don’t care what its doing to you.
“Sorry French”. EXCELLENT! LOL
That one went over my head, honestly.
From Grease ??
Thank you!
Great line, to you from me, Pinky Lee!
Especially didn’t appreciate james calling Brittany fat when he was trying to attack jax. Unnecessary.
I’m only confused on one thing. Which of these asshats is the “Pathological Liar” and which is the “Chronic Cheat”? Other than that, it’s quite unfortunate that I still speak these fool’s language.
Me Encarta ver las reglas death VanderPump en Mexico. Gran capitulation!!!!
I should not have written at all in Spanish!!
SHOULD HAVE READ “Me Encanta ver las reglas de VanderPump en Mexico. Gran recapitulacion!! Buena pena.
I totally didn’t catch that but you’re so right! Jax lies and Kristen cheats. Kristen lies and Jax cheats.
Great recap! James clearly didn’t say “hooked up.” IDK what Jax’s motive is to lie, or whether he was drunk enough to hear what he already believed happened.
Maybe I am naive, but their reactions seemed genuine and I don’t believe they hooked up (gosh, I hate that word). However, given their background and the booze? maybe
I wonder if Tom and Katie will ever face his demons. Before he gets seriously ill.
And I was laughing at Sandoval casually inviting the others to TomTom to see the progress as if he has anything to do with it.
Focus off of him for awhile.
Changing one word can totally change the whole meaning. I hope Kristen wasn’t lying or cheating this time. I am a little suspect of this whole story line.
Schwartzie please get some help.
I watched it unfold thinking that it WAS a storyline. For some reason it just felt like they made it up.
I think he wants to fuck with her relationship since he believes he’s a victim of the cheating with Faith scandal.
I’m not sure how Tom Schwartz can watch this season and NOT realize that he needs help with his alcohol problem. I am curious how he will respond to seeing his behavior.
It’s so bad. But I’m sure there will be a lot of downcast eyes and hair flipping and minimizing. It could be a personal thing (hits a little too close to home), but it’s becoming difficult to watch.
I think James was pissed at her al little also because she was backing Jax saying they all heard it. Just a guess. I ho early think if James were to “hook up” with anyone it would be Lala, and she isn’t having that. Scheana needs some brain bleach, Rob just isn’t that into her. I think he cares for her but not in the way she is trying to convince herself of. Schwartz is a mess, he needs to get help and Katie treats him like a toddler which I can understand but she should see the writing on the wall. I loved on WWHL how the tape vindicated James and Kristen.
More Peter please.
yes! I just love a man with a little common sense.
Agreed!
He’s too grown up. I wish they would do a few episodes with Peter as the POV/narrator the way Southern Charm has Cam. And WHY does he not have the best-ever girlfriend? One more thing: I don’t usually like ponytails on men — at this time, most ponyboys are douches — but I do like Peter best with one. His hair is better now than when he first got it cut, though…
I did feel sorry for James. He was falsely accused of outing Kristen, when it was Jax who set up the nefarious gambit and then the Toms participated in setting up the smoke and mirrors. I was a bit shocked they helped Jax do that. Also, I feel sorry for James for thinking Jax liked him. It seems as if Jax really likes no one except his Reike instructor – for now. And as to whether James and Kristen did it? Who knows? Given his severely polluted state – I do not think James really knows or remembers. It’s all a blur. Who has not been there and done that – at least once?
I’m far from being a prude but Kristin’s naked shower scene? Really?
Did she even use soap?
I agree a short shot of the bod is fine but that was WAY too long!! Am really enjoying this season of VR. Funniest line of the night was when Jack said they would have to call the new bar “Tom”!! I believe he is over medicating due to impending responsibility at the new bar. I hope he slows down he looks awful. Nice recap!
That was funny!
Who’s overmedicating and on what?
All and everything
Jax (autocorrect)
I don’t believe a work of this crap.
Jax is getting back at Kristen for flying out Brittany’s mom and sister. He is tired of everyone interfering in his relationship. Feel bad for James being betrayed like that.
I watch this for pure lightweight escapism, but must admit each season I really do wish anyone- someone- would straighten out the worst of the worst of this group.
Last year, it was James.
This year, it’s Jax and Sandoval-newlywed though he is, plus the ever offensive childish James. Plus Scheana,
But why won’t anyone just put Jax in his place, and as he bitches about interference in his relationship, tell him he is the one hurting his relationship? He creates openings and problems; others try to help Brittany, to get away from his ugly unkind hurtfulness. And his stupidity, arrogance, and selfishness. He goes after James and Kristen to feel better about himself and get a vicarious high. Classic scumbag that he is.
Jax is a total narcissist. He cannot take responsibility for anything and EVERYTHING revolves around him. Even if he and Brit last for now I can’t imagine that being a forever thing. He is too totally self involved and believes he can “buy” love. He thinks that he can spend money and that means he “owns” you or that you owe him. So sad.
I hope that Sandoval gets help soon. He is going to either blackout and end up in a ditch somewhere or he is headed for a life of total pain. Katie too. Heartbreaking really.
Schwartz. If he keeps drinking at the rate he’s going at now, it’s going to be a a real tragedy.
OMW I mean Schwartz. Thank you, I swear brain cramps are a lifestyle now.
I agree. It makes me uncomfortable seeing Tom Schwartz in such a drunken stupor. Notice how he blew off Katie when she said “no more drinking today”. Unfortunately Jax lies and deflects just like the man running our country ?
I forgot about that! I hate to see him take James down too. For some reason, he’s grown on me.
I love that damn dog with the poof of hair on it’s head 🙂
Wasn’t Jax’s dad really sick while this season was filmed? I have cut him slack this season cause I was thinking maybe the “job offer” in Florida was something someone offered to get him closer to his family. Same with his Reiki stuff and feeling as though life has passed him by. Just a thought.
That’s interesting. I’d love to give him credit for something like those reasons for his actions. The problem is, they all are high on TV coverage, and Jax and Brit got the spin off, which makes him believe he is that much more special, don’t you know?
He is so in love with only himself that I don’t know that he is capable of anything else. He clearly is unable to think or feel in love with Brit or anyone else for that matter. I don’t think he knows what it means to be in love with anyone but himself. I’d be delighted if we find I am wrong. Jax has been so obviously high on himself this season that it is very hard for me to believe anything else, particularly given how much he has deliberately, unabashedly, overtly , hurt Brit.
You’re right in everything you said concerning Jax. My experience has been that men grieve the passing of their fathers in different kinds of ways and seldomly do they speak about it. It’s the only reason I’m cutting him any kind of slack and I’m hoping he’ll leave Jax behind and become a better version of Jason, whoever that is or could be. Then again his narcissism may stop him dead in his tracks and keep him from moving forward and becoming a better person. And maybe this whole relationship with Brittney is truly all for show but Brittney has already set herself up for heartbreak and heart ache. She’s still young but he’s too old to continue down the path he’s on.
I don’t know. Maybe something is going on with me cause I’m feeling bad for James & Schwartz, too. I’ve never felt bad for any of these people before. Maybe it’s time I stop watching it. I stopped watching RHOA after last season. Perhaps it’s time I dump this one too.
I’ll just be over here in the corner rocking back and forth and quietly weeping because Lady C’s recaps are such a thing of beauty. And the links! My god! #RecapGoals
When it comes to Kristen and James if my life depended giving an answer to did they or didn’t they, I’d have to go with past behavior being the best indicator of future behavior and say the were totally boning.
TT, Lady C’s recaps are indeed a thing of beauty, like your response just now, “in the corner rocking back and forth.” You both slay me! “She gives all four of him the eye,” and “Shroedinger’s cat” and I’m on the floor. #MessAmerica #SexSleuth #CuteStory
They did it! Kristen went an entire season denying she boned Jax and she was very convincing. Like with Jax they both have their cover story.
Mess America??!!!! You had me rolling again Lady Cocotte! LOVE your recaps!
We’re going to LA in June. If Tom Tom is open, I’ll report back.
Now y’all know damn well if Jax saw that James & Kristen were alone/drinking/hanging at the pool he would’ve hidden in some bushes somewhere to spy. I sure would have!
Truth! LOL
OK, I admit it, I’m officially too old to follow Vanderpump Rules. I gave it a good try – watched a prior season, and tried really hard to make sense of it all, but can’t keep up with which guy’s porking which woman, which guy is doing it to which guy, and I guess (past history) which girl liked which girl. I think Brittany is braindead, Jax is a sociopath, Lala is orange, Scheana thought Rob loved her, Rob didn’t love her, Stassie is beautiful and complicated, and The Toms, Sandoval (is he a Tom), in fact, all the guys except for Jax, blur into a mindless blob in my challenged brain. Lisa VDP? How she keeps up with this bunch is a miracle, and my lovely little Ken too – good British sense of humor helps. I suppose. Lady Cocotte? Fantastic recap – it makes sense when you write about it, but not when I watch it. All the commenters here? You’re obviously very much brighter than I am and I love your posts and admire you all.Think I waited too late in the game for any of this to ever make sense to me, which is a pity as it looks fascinating. I’ll stick to the shows where the casts are mostly older, or at least screw around in a way which I understand, or are so constrained by religious beliefs that they rarely do anything at all that’s complicated.
He’s too grown up. I wish they would do a few episodes with Peter as the POV/narrator the way Southern Charm has Cam. And WHY does he not have the best-ever girlfriend? One more thing: I don’t usually like ponytails on men — at this time, most ponyboys are douches — but I do like Peter best with one. His hair is better now than when he first got it cut, though…
This was a reply to a comment about Peter.
You may be trying too hard to make sense about people who make little sense — mostly because of drinking and narcissism. You can use the recaps as a form of “CliffNotes” (now one word!) study guide, then go back and watch the episode. But don’t expect the eloquence and superb vocabulary of the recaps — THAT is all Lady C!
You knocked this one out of the park Lady C!
LC- Thank you for the recap. LMAO at
your “Sorry French” reference.
Fantastic recap Lady C! LMAO!
These guys are too old to be acting like that.
Yes, binge drinking is fun in your EARLY 20s. By your mid to late thirties, it is a serious problem.
This recap is so great!
What a difference between “hanging out” and “hooking up.” And what you said about people “remembering” it because it is so familiar.
That little mix-up worked out so well for Jax. He wanted to start the rumor about James and Kristen because he wanted attention off his own mess-ups. But then when there was that verbal mix-up–all the better for him!
I think Vanderpump Rules is basically a PSA for not drinking. These people all look so immature and ridiculous living like this in their 30s.
There is literally no way they all stay up until 7AM drinking at that pace like that without added chemical assistance.
Omg, TOTALLY though the same thing..
Sorry.. “thought”..
Based on my own past, I would agree. BUT based on my RECENT PAST — just moved out of temporary emergency lodgings — I have revised my thinking. Living with two dying alcoholics receiving palliative care, I have SEEN them drink at ALL WAKING hours, nap for a short time, then drink the rest of the day and night without chemicals. Even our 21-year-old “boarder” couldn’t figure it out!