UnReal: Gestalt

Rachel is trying to get in touch with her father to find out if he really knows about the abuse she suffered from one of her mother’s sex therapy patients. Wow. That is a icky sentence to start off with. She can’t get in touch with him because apparently her batshit mother keeps him drugged up all the time. Since Rachel had a total meltdown in Quinn’s lap the night before, she’s trying to take the shrink/undercover agent off of Rachel and have him work with the suitors. Of course he throws a fit. Because, cop.

Quinn and Jaye are headed to LA for the day to pitch the stupid dance show so Quinn leaves Rachel in charge. You remember Rachel, she is the one in the middle of some sort of psychotic break at the moment who wants to go find her daddy. Madison offers to run point, but Quinn is having none of that.

August, formerly known as man bun, tells Quinn that Serena knows they have hooked up. He wants her to do something to keep him on the show or he will cry sexual harassment and tell everyone about their hookup. Oh August, honey, you are about to get chopped just like your man bun. Quinn tell Rachel to take August down and make sure no one believes anything that comes out of his mouth. Rachel has a woman pose as a camp ranger in the very next scene. She asks August to help her cop firewood and then stages a scene that makes it seem like he was sexually assaulting her. Mission accomplished. Jeremy tells Charlie the new photog who appeared out of nowhere that Rachel hired the ranger off Craig’s list an hour ago. While Charlie is digesting that information, Rachel gives her a polite warning to stay away from Jeremy. 

Meanwhile, in LA, Gary refuses to see Quinn and Jaye and tries to palm them off on an underling. Quinn responds by telling the messenger that she is shutting down production on UnReal until he sees her because, “There is some shit I will not eat.” Gary does not take the news well and an all out war has been declared. Gary and Quinn tussle over Madison. Quinn wins and Madison gives her Gary’s password. In his emails he admits to stealing millions from Everlasting to cover other failing shows and a few other criminal acts. So his attempt to fire Quinn fails and he’s her little bitch boy now. Don’t fuck with Quinn.

Chet suddenly wants to fuck Quinn. The entire scene with Gary got him rock hard, which is amazing since he has been impotent for years unless he takes a handful of Viagra. He tries telling her how much he misses her. She says, “I know, but you chose easy.” He leaves and you can tell she was this close to breaking.

While the cast is on lockdown, Owen and August fume over Serena’s newfound attraction for Jasper. Owen tells August that Jasper is there on a bet and he gets $400,000 if he is the first one to sleep with her. August is even more pissed off by this news.

Rachel has her own war to fight and with no work to do is free to go find her daddy. She waits outside the house for her mother to leave and then goes in to talk to her father. He did indeed know about what happened to her. He was suicidal about it until Rachel’s mother put him on lithium. He’s been on it ever since. Rachel says she has got to get him away from her sociopath of a mother. As they are leaving, she comes back there is struggle getting him away from her.

With Quinn winning the war, production is back on so Rachel stashes her dad in the truck and leaves Doctor/Cop Simon to watch him. August goes to tell Serena about Jasper.

At elimination, Serena says she is not sure who is lying and who is telling the truth anymore. So for now, she is not cutting anyone. And she’s going to bed. Quinn comes running after her telling her she has to cut someone. They have contracts and a schedule! Then Jasper comes running up to explain. She tells him she knows all about the bet and informs him that he lost and that she slept with the jockey on night one.

Doctor/Cop Simon tells Rachel that she can’t wean her father off of lithium while living in a grip truck. She blows him off. And speaking of blowing, Alexi somehow intercepts Jaye who is headed home to his husband who has dinner waiting and gives him some sort of mindblowing blow job to encourage him to go get him more coke.

Rachel and her dad sack out for the night. She says she is happy. they talk about moving to a shack in Oregon. They tell each other they love each other, I predict he will be dead by morning.

The last scene is Simon, looking at his laptop. He has a live camera on Rachel. Because, cop.