By Guest Contributor The Shady Mike B.
We have finally arrived at the reunion to a very tumultuous season as we head into episode 1 of three. This season had its relationship drama, voodoo shops, blow ups, complaints of lacking sex lives, a racially charged slur, DNA heritage, and ending for some an ill-conceived “In the Black” party.
Pleasantries didn’t last long as we start off the episode. We have Shade Queen Andy speak to each wife, of course with a little shady issue picking as per norm. He ask Toya if she has a bottle of Patron in her purse, she says no, but she does have a collapsible cup. I’ve learned that alcohol seems to be the gasoline that runs half these women, Bravo must have some helluva deal with the liquor companies. We then go to Heavenly, with the joke again that she trapped Damon aka Daddy. That’s why he seems stuck and lost whenever they film him. Then we have some shade from Toya to quad regarding that Quad isn’t giving her husband everything he needs since all he asks is for a baby. I kinda am feeling for Quad as the other women need to stay out of her uterus and let her decide when and if she wants children. Quad and her husband have a lot of growing and maturing to do if they stay together and have a child. I mean this is a 50+ year old man who was rolling on the floor like a temperamental child, and laughing like quiet person in a movie who just snapped and set off some world ending event.
We move then to Contessa, the newbie, the only drama she really had was missing her children and the sudden, rude departure of her Nanny. I agree with the wives i wouldn’t call someone who calls me a Black Doctor Bitch, a motherly influence, nor would I have put up with the attitude. She then goes to complain about the kids going to school and going crazy with nothing to do. Here is a novel idea, work only while the kids are in school, if it’s that much of an issues and be sure to be off in time to pick them up. That way she doesn’t have to jump through hoops to work again after the kids are in school full time.
Andy then goes to ask Mariah about Ms. Renee, her liking to her mom, and how she acted at the party. Mariah quickly changes the subject to how she was shocked that Contessa pays Renee to disrespect her. Contessa’s rebuttal was weak, talking about how they only see and speak about the disrespect and now how well she deals with the kids. Girl are you high, we saw episodes where she did very little other than just watch the kids, no cooking, no cleaning, just watching the kids. The kids aren’t her boss, you are. If she disrespects her, chances are the kids will follow suit soon enough. Contessa then boo-hoos about how they don’t talk and she felt it there was classism. As Toya and Simone point out they all had parents that didn’t go to college and hung out with the “Crews” growing up so there was no classism, just the fact that they didn’t like the disrespect. Then Andy shades Heavenly to say and spell Contessa’s name, shady Contessa contributes “If you even can.” Something is starting to rub me the wrong way about Contessa, she seems to love to go in on people and their actions, yet really has an issue when it comes back on her. So far this first part of the reunion is a little lame.
We then have Andy ask Contessa about her military training, then off to Toya and Eugene’s sex life. Again she brings up that you get bigger with the more weight to a guy loses. That is because the fat covering around the penis is decreased allowing it to show more, it just doesn’t magically get bigger, Toya girl I think she needs to take some entry level medical classes before speaking. We then also here Andy asks what level of freak she is, she says 10, yet later says she refuses to go down, it’s not really her thing, meaning she’s not as freaky as she likes to make. Toya brings up how she felt about Contessa’s comments about the “In The Black” party. While she did make a point about it being a milestone she shared with everyone, including the world, they wanted to celebrate and share paying and moving past the IRS debt. I get Contessa though, I mean yeah why celebrate paying your bills like everyone is suppose to. I mean handle your taxes, the IRS is not a agency you want to play games with. I don’t want to go into a overly long rant about that but just pay your bills and worry about the other things you want in life after.
Then we get into Heavenly and the fact that she is supposed to be a better person. I just can’t with this, especially since she has to get advice from her own daughter. I got two words for Heavenly, “ Grow up”. She is very abrasive, and is one of the type of people who always has to be right, even though they are wrong as hell. From the arguing with almost everyone in every scene with the other women, to the tragic couples therapy in Barbados. She tends to stir up drama and stick her foot in her mouth. Love how Toya called her out about her talking head/confessionals when she talked about how big Toya’s butt is. She says it was all in joking, yet always has something negative to say about anyone, including her children and husband. She’s asked how she thinks she should be graded on her spiritual journey, her Jackie comes to her defense. Girl okay you all go to church, that doesn’t always make someone better. Heavenly just has an issue with taking responsibility for her actions or what comes out her mouth.
The women then go on argue about comments about Toya’s weight before segueing into Mariah and Heavenly’s argument where Mariah tells, Damon to get his wife, and why that sent Heavenly spiraling. Mariah brings up that the rule of the women was to never bring up children, and parents. Cut to break and when we return we get into the most dramatic part of reunion episode. Heavenly and Quad go for Mariah and her multiple Twitter and Facebook accounts, and how she uses them to shade the other women. Mariah comes back with “What I do on my page is my business,” to which they yelling increases to the point even Andy says there never going to get anywhere because their stuck in a cycle. Then he says were breaking for lunch.
Quad gets up after shady comments from Mariah, to speak her peace, looking like she’s getting ready to fight. I almost feel like they should let those two fight in a special, and just get it done with. Quad gets up staying after Mariah states Quad’s been telling people that She’s trying to sabotage her, and that she brought Quad in. Quad gets up with the No,No,No,No, while Heavenly tries to backpedal comments to Toya, talking about she has trouble with her weight, high and low blood sugar and being hangry. Before the break Quad speaks on how this is just a mess. Mariah is in her dressing room, talking about how Quad wasn’t in the first season, she was just a friend, as she’s speaking Heavenly draws a mustache and devil horns on Mariah’s Dressing Room Photo. As the other women go to check it out an argument breaks up in the hall, Mariah stating that Heavenly should go, and she’s too grown to be acting like that, while Heavenly pops out of her Dressing room, shouting that’s what you get for talking about her on Facebook Live ( does anyone else swear Social Media is going to be the end of us all.) Quad get into Mariah’s face, while Heavenly goes on to talk about how Mariah threatened her life,
WE come back from commercial break, Mariah is too upset to come back out. The women laugh at the crown she painted onto her picture, boo. Andy asks Heavenly what happened, Heavenly fesses up a first time, she drew a goatee, and horns on her oversized pic, into which Toya goes in about how that was what they were talking about before, with joking at the expense of someone’s feelings. Simone asks her that is she knows her relationship with Mariah if that was best course of action, Heavenly (Satanly more like it.) says maybe not, Quad said it was funny, yet is the bigger person stating they both just need to let it go. Andy then goes to change the topic asks Jackie about her situation with Curtis and how that affected her this season, he then goes to ask Quad about her marriage. She speaks lightly on it as the focus turns to Simone, while she announces that they had arguments and blow ups that lead to her filing for divorce, and that it will be finalized within the next two weeks from the reunion. This is how the episode leaves us, with several women crying for Simone.
We then cut to previews of the next part. We have Simone screaming at Toya about criticizing her, Mariah screaming about the poster, Andy asking Damon what is like to be married to an Alpha Woman, Eugene’s Freak level, and Curtis feelings about the judgements, then cuts to Cecil talking about how he and Simone both felt the other person didn’t want to put in the work to stay married, and then brings up a golfing buddy, and then to Gregory talking about how him and a friend met two girls. The second part looks to be the most dramatic, with Heavenly talking about if you can’t piss then get off the pot, and if your not happy in your f–in relationship then go. Sigh Friday looks to be dramatic.