Sorry for the delay. Things have been a bit crazy in real life. Let’s get on with the show! Watching RHOBH in the morning is weird. It seems so much stupider in the daytime. It’s kind of like when you I would watch my favorite soap opera in front of a college boyfriend. It’s kind of embarrassing.
It’s too early in my day to hear all about Camille’s vagina while she and Rinna are shopping for lingerie. I need wine for this and it’s too early for wine. Camille spent $1,300 on lingerie. Seriously?
Kyle and Erika meet for lunch at Fig & Olive. They actually order food and eat it! This is why I love these two. And of course they catch up on all the gossip and discuss what on earth to get LVP for her birthday. Kyle’s LVP impersonation is spot on. Kyle says they should get her a pink flamingo to go with the rest of her zoo.
How to I hate Dorit and PeeKay? Let me count the ways. Apparently, he has changed the name of Dorit’s company and slashing half of her fashions. I don’t believe anything these two say.
Camille is having a very elegant charity event. The DVR worked perfectly through the Dorit scene and now is having fits and starts with Camille’s party. Life is not fair. Rinna is very sick and missing the whole thing and she’s not happy about it at all. Camille has a perfume line that is $360 dollars a bottle. The bottles are beautiful and the proceeds go to the cancer charity, so it is probably tax deductible. However, she lost me at “plumeria” I can’t abide the smell of plumeria. I don’t know why. Everyone else loves it, but it smells disgusting to me and makes my nose itch. As it turns out, that is the cheap stuff. There are other bottles that cost from $1,200 to $1,500.
Why the hell is Dorit getting all the camera time. I can’t. Dorit is sucking up to LVP and trying to drag everyone else in. Teddi is not willing to continue to rehash the entire thing. Sadly, Erika is not feeling Teddi. I really need these two to get along.
Camille’s mom is currently in the hospital fighting cancer. LVP makes an early exit because she wants to spend the evening with Ken. Dorit stalks her down. LVP defends Teddi to Dorit and says that Teddi was not the problem. Dorit is a nutcase. She literally pins LVP down on the couch. LVP is annoyed. So am I. Dorit will not shut up. LVP manages to slip out of Dorit’s grasp and make a break for it.
Teddi meets with one of her clients at a spa for a sweaty experience. It’s just as gross as it sounds. I am not unhappy that my DVR is screwing up during this scene.
Erika is part of Kim Kardashinan’s game. I am not a fan of this decision. Erika is above this sort of thing. She loves it though, so whatever she wants. She cries when she sees her avatar.
LVP’s birthday party is gorgeous. LVP plots with the waitstaff to serve Dorit’s drink in the wrong glass. My hatred for Dorit is making me like LVP. There, I said it. I also like that LVP seems quite fond of Teddi. This party is perhaps the most elegant one in RHOBH history. It’s really beautiful and the menu is exquisite. So I have no idea why Dorit is wearing a crappy jean jacket.
Despite requesting her guest not bring gifts, they all did. Rinna is still sick and sent some beautiful pink flowers. I am dying to open the presents! I love presents even when they are not for me! Let’s see who brought what! Erika Jayne bought her a lovely scarf. I don’t think the box was Hermes though. If you are bringing a scarf, it should be Hermes. Teddi bought her a pink bare back pad for her horse. Dorit’s face says that is a better gift than whatever she brought. LVP loves it and tells Teddi she is her new best friend. Now it’s time for Dorit’s gift and she looks like she wants to fall through the floor. LVP says this gift will determine how much we love Dorit. Clearly, it’s going to be something stupid. Like a picture of Dorit. It’s some sort of a bracelet “with the eclipse in it” so it’s shady. LVP makes a joking insult. Erika points out this is LVP’s SOP. True, but it is funny when Dorit is the butt of the joke. Camille got her black bunny ears from the lingerie store. It’s a swing and a miss. Camille got Dorit a ball gag. Erika says she loves a ball gag. Camille says Dorit opens her mouth too much. I love Camille.
Kyle is late because she had a prior engagement. LVP keeps calling Teddi, Teddi bear and it is driving Dorit crazy. Dorit is also pissed about the ball gag.
It seems that Giggy got LVP the best gift, a pair of diamond earrings from Cartier, with a $75K pricetag.
Meanwhile, Kyle is thrilled that Dorit is getting smack talked by LVP at every turn. She gives us an “I told you so!” talking head.
LVP invites everyone to PUMP after dinner and Dorit says she thinks she has celebrated enough and she will not be going. She leaves and Peekay follows in her wake.
We end with LVP reshooting Dorit’s shoot for BH magazine where she bitched about literally everything. I am embarrassed about how much this pleases me.
Then we get a midseason trailer! YES! I loved this episode. No wine was thrown, no one got slapped, at least in the literal sense, and it was VERY Beverly Hills, chi chi chi!
We still haven’t been to Berlin! And there is so much drama ahead! I’m so excited!