I owe Tamara Tattles a huge “Thank You” for taking over the Vanderpump Rules recaps while I was on vacation. It was nice to get a little break from the radiator. But I’m home now and I’m here to claim what’s mine. Vegas trip? Mine. Showing up late (and drunk) to a Lisa Vanderpump meeting? Mine. All of the shallowness. The hubris. Each and every time Scheana mentions Rob. Mine, mine, mine. I glory in all that is Vanderpump Rules.
Tonight, the gang transitions from lake life to the newly renovated bordello known as Sexy Unique Restaurant restaurant. Lisa and Sandoval introduce us to the A storyline: Vegas. It’s all business. Up early in the morning, greasing the wheels and making that cheddar. Nothing lays the groundwork for successful business travel like bringing Jax Taylor along. Too bad I’m not a psychic and can’t see how this is going to play out.
This season, Lala is a singer. She can deny it all she wants but she clearly has boyfriend money to throw around. The studio is crowded with paid friends, all black. Because, Gangster Bunny. I’m sure she’ll be a hit, considering most of her studio time was spent listening to Scheana wax delusional about her relationship.
Tensions simmer as the Toms (party of 6) head off to Vegas. Sandoval is excited to be going on his first big boy trip. Schwartz is resigned to his fate. He doesn’t want to screw things up but it’s inevitable. And Jax is ready to drink. Even if it means he and Brittany have to mingle with the normies while the rest live in Vanderpump luxury. Maybe next time Jax won’t bite the hand that feeds him.
Katie is already wasted when Brittany shows up with a pregnancy test. No one is prepared for Jax to be a father. No. One. But ha ha, it’s all a joke. Stupid.
Lala hires Stassi to plan her music showcase. Fake job + fake job. Very LA. The biggest order of business: keep James Kennedy stone sober. Stassi looks scared. At a SYNT photoshoot, Lala lays down the law. James can’t understand why Lala thinks he’ll cause a scene. (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
After a night of debauchery, the Toms (party of 2) play business. Meaning, they hold Lisa’s purse while shops for the bar. As soon as they’re free, Schwartz pulls warm jello shots out of his pocket. Professional. Based on the success of their first day of work, the boys hit the clubs with no restrictions. It’s a bacchanal. Utter destruction. By three am, they’re still clinging to the belief that they’ll make their morning business meeting. The big one. The supposed reason they’re in Vegas in the first place. Since it’s just an ad for Caesar’s Palace, it’s not the end of the world that they show up late. And drunk. In other words, on script. During the ad for Lisa’s fixture guy (LVP is making the most of her camera time), Sandoval doesn’t shut his mouth. When Schwartz is emboldened enough to join in, Lisa snaps at them like they’re naughty children. Once again, the boys are in the Tom Tom doghouse.
Next week: The boys wear rompers. The girls drink and get laser hair removal on their down theres. When Ariana’s brother Jeremy asks Billie out, Stassi calls him creepy. That becomes a whole thing. And James Kennedy’s Dad (George Michael’s cousin, dontcha know) makes his Vanderpump Rules debut.