It doesn’t look like I recapped the first two seasons of Unreal. I feel like I did a few posts but I can’t find any of them. I wish I had watched season two again to kind of remember where we left off. I’m super excited about this show. That said, scripted shows are harder to recap than reality shows. And I’ve been out of sorts for weeks mostly due to the drab weather, so bear with me here. I’m an hour late getting started.
We start with Quinn dragging Rachel off of a goat farm where she has spent the last six months trying to practice a life with no lying. Quinn has to revive Everlasting which is on life support because the whole suicide and mysterious death stuff. Rachel lets us know on her first day back that she is on her period. So it all seems back to normal here. Rachel is planning to continue her essential honesty life plan at work.At Chet’s request she give him an epic read about how she really feels about him. Chet, Jeremy, Quinn and Rachel swear a literal blood oath to stay silent about the whole “car accident deaths” from last season.
Serena is the first ever “suitress.” I’m not sure it will be as good without the house full of crazy bitches. She is going to be a problem though. One the first day she balks at the wardrobe which she describes as “stripper mermaid.” Dr. Simon is the new shrink. I think Wag fled for the hills or something at the end of last season in some sort of a fit of conscience.
In preparation for the parade of hopeful men, Quinn declares “Let them all be blessed with thick dicks and even thicker hair. Please cue the first man wagon.” Dr. Simon is already thoroughly appalled.
Serena is a hot mess. She has gotten a phone a googled a couple of the guys, she went nuts trying to replace the jockey for being short, she ran off with the retired military guy turned firefighter who has a kid who doesn’t have cancer much to Quinn’s chagrin and made out with him off camera which is a huge no no and we are only four guys in. But somehow Rachel made it clear to her that she can’t do the show sober and she has to talk to the jockey and kiss him and tell him she made a huge mistake trying to cut him early. After several shots, she is bumping and grinding with all the guys like a pro.
When Rachel goes to get Serena ready for the first elimination, she finds her on the bathroom floor screwing the jockey. Then she throws up. At the elimination, she sends the jockey home. She’s cold.
Jeremy tries to tell Rachel he is a changed man. She points out that he killed two people last year and some time in rehab and anger management doesn’t really fix that. Jeremy reminds her that he did it because he was keeping her out of jail, and that she wanted him too.
Then Dr. Simon comes out to make sure Rachel is okay. I’m not sure if Dr. Simon is an undercover cop investigating the murders, or Rachel’s love interest this season, or both. But he is a very interesting new addition to the show. Oh Rachel figures out that he is there for her. At least that is her theory, that he is a shrink hired to keep her together during the season. I still think he may be a cop.
Madison is still screwing the big boss and giving him reports on Quinn. After sucking up to Quinn all day, she tells him that she doesn’t think Quinn has got it anymore and then they screw around.
As I am adding the photos, I am literally watching Arie tell yet a third bachelorette he is in love with her. It’s crazy.
TT you definitely did at least one recap. I saw it and filed away the show in my memory as a must watch! I just binged the first 2 seasons last month and can’t wait to see the new season AND read your recaps!
I am so glad you are watching and writing about this show! The first season was amazing. The second went off tha rails a bit, but I have heard good things about season 3. Loving it so far! I hope they can keep it just as interesting without the endless supply of crazy/hot/desperate women.
I love this show. I didn’t know it was back on. Thanks!
TT, I realize I’m off topic but why are you not recapping Married at First Sight anymore?? Please catch us up.
http://tamaratattles.com/category/married-at-first-sight/
I’m a day or two behind on that one, but always caught up before the next one. Use MAFS link on Black Bar.
August 9, 2016, I have your post about the finale of last season of Unreal if you want.
Love this show and I too think the shrink may be a cop. A house full of men may be an interesting change.
Glad this show is back. Wicked fun. Badass Quinn. Brilliant psychotic Rachel. Behind the scenes debauchery. Thanks for recapping this show Tamara.
Omg BIIIIIIIIITCH. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE EFFING SHOW.
I low down want to be evil Rachel. Not even low down. How do I get this job??? I mean I’ve already said I’m down for blowing Andy. ?
Andy and/or Anderson, if you’re reading this, I will totally Madison you both at the same time to be a Rachel. Harvey Weinstein me at your will.
I reads good, I spells good, and I ain’t got no gag reflex.
OMG I’M SO BLOODY EXCITED MY SHOW IS BACK ON. *squee*
Also, super mega handsome hunk who is psycho and killed two people for you: VERY BAD. Should be in jail. Or a psych ward.
But also: swoon. IJS.
Mark, are you ok?
Mark is that one embarrassing fag we love for no reason, darling.
Aww guys you say the nicest things… ???
I was hoping someone would be offended. Not you, but someone. Did you send your British dreary weather to Atlanta? I thought you loved me back?
Teehee! Maybe. We’re currently snowed in. For serious. No transport, people panic buying food. It’s pretty. You’re welcome.
I AM SO EXCITED YOU ARE RECAPPING UNREAL!!! I’m going to save this to read for after I watch so I don’t spoil it but…yay!
I don’t know who’s in charge of picking the pictures used at the beginning of the recaps, to who (whom?) ever choose this one, BRILLIANT!!! Rachel/Quinn side by side, & crossed arms “suitress” angrily sulking. Love it!
When I quickly looked at that picture, I thought Rachel had a mullet! Scared me for a moment…
I love Quinn….