I might have moved faster to get on this recap if I had remembered that it was the finale. But then again, I’ve been trying to get up and make coffee for the last five hours or so and just getting my first cup. So probably not.
Garrett & Johanna
Johanna has decided to elope because her dad said getting married so fast was a really bad idea. I don’t know who Garrett is talking about when discussing the woman he is getting ready to get married. But it sure isn’t Johanna. Meanwhile Johanna seems to be coming to her senses and having second thoughts about getting married.
Johanna changes into her dress and does her makeup in a restaurant bathroom. She is not okay with it. She says it is selfish of Garrett to have planned an elopement. Oh of course it is all Garrett’s fault and not the crazy bitch who is demanding a ring and a wedding immediately. Garrett sees his bride walking down the beach and he seems happy. She is crying. It’s not a happy cry. She tells Garrett that the wedding isn’t good enough for her. She says she feels like she is doing this for him. She tells him she wants to do a big wedding. He seems pissed. In the end notes, we learn that one month after filming these two broke up. Run, Garrett, Run!
James & Alla
Have we talked about James weird eyeballs yet? I forget. He either needs to be tested for Graves disease or he has some other sort of issue. Chris, James friend, tries to talk some sense into James. Alla is in rehab. Again. James is just burying his head in the sand.
James has a pizza delivered for Alla’s homecoming. If I recall correctly, she is back in jail. Yep, in the end notes it says six weeks after filming ended she violated her parole and is currently incarcerated and awaiting sentencing. James is still committed to the relationship.
Dom and Mary
Dom and Mary are going to elope on a boat in downtown Toronto. Dom doesn’t want to do personal vows. Their dog will be their sole wedding guest. The boat is more cargo ship than yacht.
In the end notes, we find out that Dom will be released from the halfway house next month so they can live together. He is working as an iron worker.
Lamar & Andrea
This is such a damn trainwreck. Andrea continues to force the instant family plan in her crazy head. The kids are not having it. Nyla asks Lamar to tell them some prison stories to keep them amused on the one hour drive to the beach. Tennison the adorable son thinks LA is the ugliest place he has ever seen. Andrea was shocked to hear that her gang banging prison BAE has been shot before. It’s just a typical Sunday drive for this Mormon family.
At the beach, Lamar is worried because he has to tell Andrea that he is not allowed to move to Utah and she is going to have move to LA if she wants to be with him. He will be on parole for two-year in LA county. Lamar says that 7 out of ten California parolees are back in within the first few years. I’m sure that Andrea doesn’t know that. Andrea briefly gives thought to her kids who have many extracurricular activities and ties to their current school in Utah. She says to Lamar now I am messing up my kids life because I fell in love with a convict. Ah, a moment of clarity! But how long will it last?
How the hell does this idiot support herself? She says she wants to marry him before she moves. They are still on the beach and they are about to tell the kids. Nyla the teenage daughter says absolutely not and storms off.Andrea says in her talking head, “I’m just a horrible mom. Period.” Yes you are. The absolute worst.
Two weeks later, they are still in LA getting ready to get married. The problem is she won’t have her expensive shoes. Andrea says that she is not getting married without the shoes. The kids all immediately start a Mormon prayer chain that she really means that.
Andrea makes it clear to everyone that her wedding day is supposed to be about her. No one should mention any problems. If their family dies she doesn’t want to hear about it until after her wedding. If they get shot, keep it covered and to themselves until after the wedding. Everything is to be all about Andrea. Tennison helped Lamar tie his tie for the wedding. He advises him to lie low when Andrea is in one of her moods and not talk too much.
Their wedding is two hours late because Andrea is still getting ready. She says she doesn’t care about the people waiting. It is her day and they can just wait. The fugly shoes have arrived. After over three hours of keeping the guests waiting, she finally waddles down the aisle. Part of the vows refer to difficult and easy times. Andrea tells the officiant not to include the word difficult in her vows. Lamar is drunk and repeatedly tries to kiss her during the vows. They actually go through with the wedding, kids be damned. The bride and groom cannot be happier. Nyla and Tennison seem to have come around regarding Lamar. They don’t seem to have a choice in the matter.
In the end notes, we find out that this new family still live in LA, and that Lamar has a job with an airline. We still don’t know how Andrea pays for all of her fancy shoes.
Scott & Lizzie
Scott tells Lizzie she is facing 8 to 12 years. She cries and plays on his emotions. I hate ceremonies where the officiant starts with the bride. That is not how it works. You have one job. Tony agrees to wait the twelve years. Oh, Scott. Why? In the end notes we learn that Lizzie is still in prison. She may be able to get out in 2018. Thank God, the sooner she gets out and dumps him, the better off Scott will be.
Tony & Angela
Angela is still sending money to Tony. And “sexy” photos. Sigh. Her friend who was an inmate who used people on the outside for money. Angela says she is not a fool. Oh, girl, all that money you are parting with says otherwise. In the end notes, we find nothing has changed with these two and Tony still doesn’t have a release date. I find that hard to believe. I think he is just not telling Angela when it is.
Well, I don’t think this show has made me have a new desire to pen pal inmates, lol.
Can’t wait for the next season. ???
Evidently Lamar hasn’t as yet realized that “pants on the ground” is no longer a thing. In the Dom and Mary pic he looks real and she doesn’t. Is that the result of photoshopping?
A mess but I love this show like Monique loves US for real lol. Johanna and Garrett are in an Instagram war with Garrett’s new stripper-drug dealing girlfriend. It’a shit show, threats are being made. The new girlfriend got arrested while blazing with Garrett in the car but he was not arrested. The gag is, she gave the officers Johanna’s address as her own and when she failed to appear in court, Johanna woke up to 5-0 pounding her door down looking for the stripper. Dom amd Mary are going through it as well. As soon as the finale aired, they said fuck it and shit started flying. Garrett and James are also feuding. Garrett is shading James over his bug eyes and is making the assumption that he’s also on something and should’ve joined Alla in rehab. James listed all the things he has, e.g a job, a house, a car, a bank account, you know things that Garrett has yet to acquire lol. I love this show and these people, I hope season 2 picks up where season 1 left off while also introducing new couples. Thanks for the recaps TT. You’re the best.
I am wondering how many of these romances succeed after release from jail. If I can come up with the correct search words, I will google it. In this show, I predict 0%, especially if Lamar can get on his feet after 18 yrs in prison. He seems to know that now his bread is buttered on the married with 3 children side.
I feel so bad for Scott, when will he get a clue. Angela us not such a sympathetic character. She has been warned by a pro.
I asked my mother how old she thought Angela was, and she said, well, she looks to be in her 70s, but she’s probably not more than 66 or 68 (she’s 45). Poor Angela, she seems like a good hearted woman and she’s being taken advantage of in the worst way.
James seems like a good guy, buggy eyes and all. I’m afraid he’s in for a very rough time with Alla. I think he would have been good for Alla if she had been wiling to accept guidance from him.
Johnna may have some common sense after all. She said a very telling thing: dating Garret in prison was easier than dating Garret out of prison. So they broke up-which I think was the best possible outcome for her.
I hate Andrea. I can’t get started on her and her plastic thousand dollar shoes and her bridal entitlement fuckery. She seems slow to me.
This show had me in a mouth drop ! Can people truly be this desperate. Stay away from writing to inmates unless they are family. I can’t wait wait for the next season. It is one of my guilty pleasures.
Hope they do a reunion or update show. It all depends on how many are back in prison. Can’t wait for season two.
Andrea. Wow. She is so desperate for a”family”. Makes up her mind about moving, doesn’t even discuss it with her kids right after she lists all the things they will be giving up. I can only hope the real father’s of her children step in quickly. I looked for but didn’t see Lamar’s daughter at the wedding. Anyone else? Can’t believe she made everyone wait four hours so she could have her shoes. A thousand dollars, really? She must be a fantastic realtor to have all this extra money. Hope she makes it in LA. Can’t believe the caterer waited that long. Most I know wouldn’t or if they did they would charge you out the wazoo.
Most of the others I just want to thump on the forehead. Wake up people, you are getting played. I understand we all need love. I lost my husband of 28 years almost four years ago. Hope my friends will pull me out if I ever get this bad. That being said, sorry this season is over, way too short. Thanks for the recaps.
I do not say this lightly but CPS needs to rescue these children.
I think Nyla was like 11 then. Her fatass talking about making a child do situps to have a six pack. She is deranged!
Andrea – her kids are smarter than she is. Her ex-con husband is smarter than she is. so many concerns
1. I got a blue wedding cake, because you are a crip. WTF?
2. Call this man you’ve never met before Papa – he is your Dad. again WTF?
3. Was his daughter Shante at the wedding? I bet Andrea didn’t allow her to attend.
4. Making people wait 4 hours for a wedding – I’m sorry Morman friend; that is not a black thing, that’s an Andrea thing. Don’t blame the blacks for that, because Lamar and all of his du-rag wearing, marijuana smoking “black guys” appeared to be ready on time. Blame YOUR friend, who YOU agreed to travel 9 hours to stand up at her wedding for that.
Is it that hard to find a good mate? I mean Dom was a cutie, too bad his fiancée was self-centered and lacked compassion for his circumstances. Garrett was also easy on the eyes, but I would be in no way rushing to the alter with any of these people.
Holy shit! How did I miss the blue wedding cake for the Crip? LOL.
I tried to just ignore Mormon friend. I don’t think there are a plethora of black people in Utah let alone black Mormons. I’ve never been to Utah. It seemed like this was her first experience in a setting with with more than a handful of black people. She was making A LOT of stereotypes.