Project Runway All Stars: Kicked In The Astro

Bad news. Fashionistas! CJ Bomb had some fancypants socialite crap to do this weekend or something, so I am filling in for her this week. Also, chaining the ladies to the radiator is an epic fail and Lady C has escaped to frolic on a beach somewhere for God only knows how long, so we won’t have good photos this week. Also the cleaners will be here in half an hour or so, so there will be chaos in the Tamara Tattles office during this recap. And finally, I’ve been in bitch mode for days for some reason lately so you may just want to turn back now.

If you are still with me, bless your heart, it’s an avant guard week with Ru Paul and Jesse Tyler Ferguson are judging. Hey, at least it is not recycled balls week. I am reliving Joshua’s win from last week that still makes absolutely no sense to me.

We start at the Hudson River Museum and Planetarium. Has this Kimberly person been a contestant the entire season? I have zero recollection of her. They have $300 and two whole days to complete their look. But first they get inspired by a space show in the auditorium. Far out. 

I literally don’t know half of these people’s names. There are a couple of people focusing on The Black Hole. In other words, they are going to make a black dress. I like Stanley’s eclipse look already. Because, Stanley. I know Stanley. Merline’s attitude is “Go big or go home.” Let’s hope it is the latter. Joshua’s plan is to elevate his glue gun game. Because, Joshua. The focus is on the glue. Literally. He is covering his fabric in glue. And apparently sniffing a lot of it. He will be challenging Merline for the bottom spot this week.

It’s time for Anne Fulenwider’s terrible advice. She tell Anthony, that his look seems like him but to not go too crazy with the sparkle. There isn’t much done regarding his look. I am also typing into google translate to chat with the cleaners. I mean really is a hot mess. Anyway Anne is not thrilled with Kimberly’s neutron star inspiration. Anne says she likes Fabio’s fringe but she is not sure it will read to the judges. Fabio doesn’t give a fuck. He’s made fringe. He is using fringe. And I like the fringe. She tells Merline she is doing the same thing again. Because, Merline. She seems shocked. She tells Ken he is repeating his avant garde look from is last season. Anne tells pretty much everyone their looks are not avant garde. She tells Joshua his bondage gear is something that as been done to death and he refuses to even acknowledge the hot glue mess. She leaves them telling them that she their looks are underwhelming. Everyone talks about her useless critiques the minute she leaves.

Anthony is very confident in his look, and says he is going to use all the bling he wants. He is making some very unusual black pants that have a geometric shape and show some of the model’s bottom. I like it. With one hour left, Kimberly is nowhere near finished. Merline is not done either. Fabio has decided his fringe is too much. They are out of time and he is going to have to fix it the next morning.

With ten minutes to the runway, everyone is still sewing. Anthony says that Kimberly, Helen and Joshua all have exposed asses and it is the battle of the street walkers.

Dear Lord, what is Alyssa wearing on this runway? She looks like a chubby toddler. This weeks winner gets Marchesa shoes “for their next professional collection. I don’t get it. Also, the cleaners are very quiet.

I love Anthony’s pants but his top is just a round disk. That is just a bit too literal. Merline’s white look on the very dark skinned model really pops. But is that even fabric? It looks like it is made from fabric softener dryer sheets. Ken loves his black hole look. But I am not getting it. She looks like she is wearing a giant black artichoke. Fabio may be in trouble with his fringe and braiding. But he seems pleased. Helen’s short, short short shorts are very short. I don’t hate Joshua’s look as much as I though I would. I think Stanley’s look is the most avant garde. He’s my favorite so far, but I tend to favor Stanley. Kimberly ran out of material so she basically sent her girl out with nothing on her bottom half. This is the first I have seen of Edmond’s look. It should be in the top.

I have no idea who will go. All of them sucked except for Edmond and Stanley. Then Alyssa says that Helen, Ken and Edmond are safe. HOW IS EDMOND JUST SAFE? Who the hell is on top other than Stanley? I guess Merline might make the top?

They like Fabio’s fringe! Okay then. Isaac says it doesn’t work, but it is great and it is hideous. They like Anthony’s pants. Jessie hates the top. Thank you Jessie for calling it spin art. They love Merline’s white dress. But they still say don’t keep doing the same thing. They hate Joshua’s look. But when asked to tell about the look, he simply says, “This is what you getting today.” Joshua argues with Alyssa about his critique. Then he says, ” This is what get today, You either want to see more…” Jessie want’s Kimberly’s cape for a tree skirt. Thank God they love Stanley’s look. The judging was very hard and it was difficult to tell who was on the bottom other than Joshua.

Isaac says that Joshua’s model looked like a porn scene from a space movie. They all agree. Isaac tries to say he sort of likes Kimberly’s look. He is told he is just pissed with Josh and wants to make sure he goes. They hated her look. Fabio is on the bottom but they do like his textile. Jesse says he gave him a high school and he liked it. It looks like they are going to send home Kimberly.

Stanley takes the win and Kimberly was sent home! Sorry for the crappy recap. Things are really weird at the house right now. I don’t do well with people in the house.