I had planned to write in this week’s open forum about how great things are going on the fighting depression and anxiety front this week. And they have gone very well for me. However today I am having a setback. I stopped doing all the right things last night. I stayed up until around 4 or so hoping to find out WTF was going on with Big Brother and why the live feeds went down for hours and there was no #BBAD. See comments in link above for the latest updates. Around Wednesday, I decided to open my Fat Tuesday champagne, mostly because I haven’t been grocery shopping and was out of literally everything to drink in this house. So I didn’t eat properly, I drank champagne, I am out of electrolyte water and I fucked up my sleep schedule. Any one of those things can put me back in the hole. All four have me a bit sidetracked today.
Saturday is generally a day I try to take off as much as possible to do things around the house. It’s been a dreary day. I stayed in bed until three watching TV until the anxiety of not knowing what was going on with the site was too much to bear. It’s been overcast and wet all day. A fall in the barometric pressure always has an effect on me, so I’m just a bit sad for no reason and have a case of the blahs and a touch of anxiety and self-criticism for not doing any of the things I’d planned to do today.
So anyway. I did want to encourage you all to do something positive for lent this year. It begins on February 14th this years and lasts for 43 days. I’m not Catholic and my mother used to get pissed if I acknowledged doing something for Lent, but it’s just a good chunk of time to make a positive change. I usually give up sugar and alcohol. You can lose a good 15 pounds just doing that for lent! This year I plan to do alcohol and just “cut back” on sugar. I’m also trying to give up slothfulness. And keep on purging and cleaning the house. My new maids did not come this week. They wanted to come today instead of yesterday and I told them to just come on next Friday. I was not about to start giving them the opportunity to come whenever they feel like it. Did I mention I still have a TV in my side yard? Le sigh.
All in all I probably did need a day of rest today. My right ankle is not really able to hold up my excessive weight for hours of shopping. I went out yesterday to buy new sheets and other necessities and for the third time this week my right ankle swelled up like a cantaloupe. I’ve sprained both ankles dozens and dozens of times beginning in middle school. They are both a mess. Also, I’m having back problems when I go out shopping. I’ve never had a back problem before. I think my skeleton is just pissed about the weight gain.
Anyway, think about the Lent thing if you want to participate this year. And tell me what is going on with you in comments below. Anyone have any good news? Anything going on in the world you want to talk about? It’s open season in comments. Let’s chat! Oh and some of us talk in these comments all week until the next one comes up. To get to the latest Open Forum, just click Open Forum on the black bar above.
As of January 15th – 10 years smoke free for me.
I can understand your anxiety – CBB is obsessive – kinda glad I don’t have live feed here. And that (cbb) in itself is a “good” thing for me.
Backstabbing/lying is expected there(CBB) so – it stimulates and we all know that “behind” the scenes aka lifve feed is when all the juicy stuff exists.
and when i”live feed” went down for hours – it’s like someone turning off twitter- all hell breaks loose and control is non existent.
I truly don’t think there is anyone who wakes up happy, motivated, and will have a perfect day, every day.
I think you can pat yourself on the back for the success of this past week.
You kicked ass, and inspired many.
That’s a real accomplishment.??
Tamara, this was for you. Comments got reversed.
Nicely said, Cheryl! Tamara, it’s so easy to let one bad day set you back, but your open forum was awesome and did inspire a lot of us. I still haven’t removed my fat English butt from my recliner long enough to really accomplish anything big, but at least I’m making plans and taking a tiny step now and then.
Thank you EnglishRose.
My butt is still settled nicely in my recliner as well BUT I’m getting my mental notes done for the cleaning company, lol.
samael, here’s your comment, lol.
Congrats on the anniversary of quit smoking.
I wish it was as easy for those who wish to quit,as it was for me.
Really want my husband son, and daughter to quit.
Hubs has never tried, so he doesn’t know. Son could probably not miss it.
But it’s a big deal. Proud of you.
Cheryl!
thanks bud! for me it wasn’t easy at all – but the outcome was amazing!
and Congrats to you on your quitting as well.
Thanks, I have to admit though (eeekk)
I’m a horrible non-smoker.
(No smoking in the house, or car, if I’m in it)
I appreciate it though because I am the minority. ?
Samael, why does autocorrect write Smarkland everytime I type in your name and is Smarkland? It’s like we have this on going disagreement.
Than you for the great idea. I also quit for about 8 years and started again. I hate it but I need to focus and be very aware of of myself when I quit.
I will do it for myself this Lent.
Thank you, gives me a few days to get ready.
I’ve a son down in Hamnertown for the past week volunteering for race. He has been going down for a few years and I can watch in live feeds. This year with helicopter also in on live feeds it was awesome.
In Johnson Valley about month before race, a town is set up in the desert, with vendors, power for town not campers, wi-fi, medical, just everything. A few weeks after the race the desert floor looks like no one was there. They even get their own zip code with UPS daily service.
Son and a few close friends work a section, there are safety crews at each section where a problem will likely occur. They can only assist drivers with personal safety, call for medical, water, no assist for anything else or drivers are disqualified. Other drivers can assist each other.
Amazing watching rolled jeeps ($100,000+) getting wrenched from rocks, and continuing the race. They are allowed only one spare tire.
Spent a few days on that live feed.
Youtube King of Hammers
ck out wrecking ball
Thanks Samaritan <~ auto correct <~ no more Smarkland – Samael I never would had considered quitting on my own, mentally not here.
Calipatti!
quitting is brutal, you know this. but you can do it I did mine gradual – so I don’t bitch out my other half. 5/day for a week – 4/day the next week etc. my first clear month of not smoking, I gained 5 pounds -I almost stroked out!
started walking to work instead of wheels, dropped 80 pounds, unfortunately, I gained 15 more pounds but now I am a kick ass meal cooker (?) and I am nuts about cooking.
I get the mentally thing – cuz you know how quitting feels, but you also know how smoke free feels. when you decide to do it, I am your cheerleader!
your son sounds like he has a huge heart! wow I’ve never heard of what he is doing, before. Sounds exciting!
Samael, ? Thank you. I also tapered down when I quit last time, yes I can get in a mood quickly. Great reminder & tip.
I use walking with Fitbit and the Under Armor site to monitor myself. I can relate weight gain to less miles. I’ve enjoyed back country trails from the onset where I can occasionally almost go into a mental escape.
Thank you for the nice reply, I will copy to reread often.
You take care.
I hope those who commented about needing to quit smoking will read this. First, congratulations Samael on your 15 year achievement!
I quit last June thanks to Tamara Tattles, Kim Zolziak, and a couple commenters to TT’s post about Kim Z and her “30 things.” Kim Z had reported that she had quit smoking after reading the book, “Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Quit Smoking.” I may not have taken much notice except that two commenters claimed that they had also quit (easily!) after reading the book. I thought that sounded ridiculous. Like, seriously!? I was not in the frame of mind at all to quit smoking but my curiosity led me to look up the book on Amazon. It had thousands of glowing reviews and I bought the hard copy of the book.
I was 52 at the time. Female, and started smoking very young. Twelve or 13 — to the extent a 12- or 13-year old can smoke. Anyway, that’s about 40 years smoking!!! I’m still embarrassed to admit it. I had pseudo-quit off and on a couple times. Anyway, I got the book and was scared to read it. Terrified it would work and terrified it wouldn’t. The book encourages you to smoke ALL the way through reading the book. Don’t try to quit before finishing. But the timing worked out for me that I quit (Parliament Lights) about 30 pages before finishing the book. Point is, it was easy. Trust me. The difficulty is in our minds.
My quit date was 6/4/17 and I swear it was and is easy. It still surprises me. The date of TT’s original post must have been mid- to late May if you want to look it up.
Seriously, people. Don’t torture yourself. Enjoy your smokes until you get the book. Then just stop the easy way. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
I bought new cabinet pulls for the kitchen and put them in today. They are amazing and changed the look of the room. Lent snuck up on me this year yet am committed to giving up bread, crackers and chips….you know 3 of the four food groups with the fourth being sweets. Tried “greens” for the first time. Need some advice. They had a strong aftertaste….did I put too much or not enough vinegar on them?
Keep your chin up my friend….you pulled yourself this far I know you cam pull yourself again.
Setbacks are part of the process. It’s better to just be honest with ourselves that they will happen. Let it go for the day and just start over tomorrow. Start small. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
While I do not give up anything for Lent…I have forgone indulging in a King Cake…Le sigh!
On a positive note, since going with a keto-ish diet change a few months ago, I did realize that the week Passover will actually be a whole hell of a lot easier now that bread and grains are pretty much persona non grata in our house…hence, the lack of King Cake…plus, I will only be a regular bitch…and not a raving bitch due to sudden carb withdrawal. The only thing I can’t figure out is the four glasses of wine…tons of carbs. I have proposed doing 4 vodka shots in lieu of the wine.
To those observing Lent, I wish you grace, peace and a joyous Lenten season.
TT have you tried one of those lamps with the artificial light? I have a friend that swears it helps with her depression. We had a snow day yesterday which was fun. We had to shovel and use the snow blower three times. Will probably have a foot of snow by tomorrow. We stayed in worked on a jigsaw puzzle,watched the olympics and made homemade pizzas. Just love laid back days like that
Tamara take it easy on yourself. We all need a break every now and then. You mentioned back problems and ankles and weight gain. Since I’ve had all the same things I suggest exercise at the YWCA in their pool. Just walk around or swim or even aerobics. Really helps with loosing up the muscles and losing weight. Hope next week is better for you.
I’ve been vegetarian since the age of 14 and for Lent I always go Vegan with hopes that it sticks, it never does. I went to culinary school and pride myself with my meatless creations..but I can’t maintain a vegan diet. Boo! Plus I limit my alcohol consumption to strictly weekends during lent. I’m moving this spring so maybe I should cut alcohol off all together. I have many, many years worth of shit to move.
I hate my husband
OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooohhhhh! We are going to need more details!
Lucy Loo, I am so sorry.
and after hate comes indifference.
Hate is a great motivator, can fuel amazing changes, use it.
I hate mine too. Is this where we share that? I am considering giving him up for lent. 😉
OMG Toni that made me laugh!
Giggle! Lent for the next couple of years will be a good time for me to regroup and get off my ass to get ready, hopefully gaining momentum this year!!!
I used to hate my husband, now? Eh, I just go through the motions speak my mind when inclined but always participate in my 16y/o daughter’s life fully with and without him. I present a united front for her and am usually more than polite to him (than he is to me…he’s clueless)….biding my time…thus?
I need to get my house in order!
Lucy Loo I see you! I’ll share more, it’s just hard to put into words when I’ve tried to keep my life compartmentalized…easier that way.
I love that you Tamara and CalipattI spoke up in support immediately! You’ve created an enviroment that’s open for sharing our lives at quite an intimate level and that we feel safe. You should be very proud of yourself for this Tamara and I thank you!
Marriage should come with a five year option.
What’s depressing is how many people seem to be living some version of this. If I had it to do over again, I never would have done it in the first place. Perhaps people that are alone would not appreciate this comment. Perhaps there are worse things than being alone. The grass is always greener, I suppose.
I agree, I knew I wanted a family life just not the husband in the legal sense. I always liked a guy around except when I didn’t. I loved being on my own and did not want 24/7, yet a good looking man … you know.
I never should had married.
Marriage should come with a yearly evaluation to quit option. I’m past anger and onto indifference. I was single for 14 years between hubby 2 and current hubby. I found the issue, ME! I’m not a relationship person.
When my husband and I got married, we told everyone we had a five year trial period and would see how it goes after that! I’d forgotten, and your comment reminded me! People looked at us so odd every time, that we enjoyed the looks and laughed.
You know the city’s recreations are wonderful. Of couse I participate with the senior 55+ but it helps so much to get out and see people for an hour. My favorite is water aerobics. No one pays attention to the other guy, you don’t. have to be good at anything and it’s a lot of laughs. I also enjoyed Zumba but when I walked out my knees buckled
Water Zumba is great. You get the best of both programs but no knee impact issues.
I was touched to read the posts! Made me feel not so alone. The recent events in the WH have brought up past incidents that I keep compartmentalized and now I’m just angry. I need to figure out what the next step is. .
TT, thank you for giving me a place to vent. I don’t usually like to be such a downer but I was kinda drunk (still am) and felt brave.
Hang in there Lucy Loo! Try to just take care of yourself a bit, do one thing extra in your day! I believe we all need to wallow for a bit but then make a plan, start thinking about a long term plan but start with a plan for just tomorrow. Make a check list then don’t beat yourself up if you don’t complete it! Start over the next day…and the next! Somebody already said here tonight that moving forward has some hiccups.
I intend to use the next few days goal setting for my world…by the 14th I’ll set up some goals for lent and share…not sure I can quit smoking yet but Lord knows it NEEDS TO HAPPEN SOON!
Again, hang in there Lucy Loo. Forgive me for asking but I feel a bit concerned too. Are you safe?
Kipper-Thank you for your concern and to answer your question:: Yes, I’m fine.
K…
Going through a bad patch myself. Had a bad reaction to my antidepressants so quit them. Now back to using wine. Trying to stop that, but it’s harder than I expected. My house is a mess and my dog is getting worried. Maybe things will improve now that our deep freeze will soon be over. I like your idea of doing something during Lent.
Tamara, don’t be so hard on yourself. A lot of it is probably related to this crummy weather that’s going on. My husband who drove to S.GA. today and back, said it was foggy and overcast the whole drive. Sometimes when I can’t take the grey overcast sky, I’ll close all the blinds, turn on most of the lamps for soft lighting, and light scented candles. One wierd thing I did a few months ago, was to take out the table and chairs in my eat-in kitchen area (we like to eat at the counter so we can watch T.V. and the dog can’t bug us), and instead put in wicker, plants, and some beachy accessories. I absolutely love it! Even if it’s cruddy outside, I have this happy cozy place that feels like a Florida sunroom. Anyway, I hope you start to feel better…Just be careful not to get the flu!!!
TT you may want to throw in acupuncture once a week for Lent. I have had very similar problems with feet, weight, anxiety, back/hips and depression.
Over last 6 months I was desperate for relief and tried acupuncture for first time. I don’t tell many ppl this bc I know they won’t believe me but I felt a noticeable difference as soon as I got off the table…kept telling myself through out the 1st day that crazy pain would come back any minute. One foot got completely healed through acupuncture after 4 months of pain to the point I hardly walked anywhere. Other foot needed major reconstructive surgery and I have an arch again. Yay!
Don’t give up on finding a way to have a normal and pain free life without meds. Keep trying new things and if a Dr isn’t helping find a new one.
I am Catholic (lapsed)..and I am 100% giving up the husband. For Lent.. again.
I seriously deeply need to get rid of my habit of ruminating. I hate it. I’ve suffered depression as early as 13. Thought ok cool it inspires my writing and art. Then hormones and adulting showed it’s a chronic and pervasive hiccup for me. I’ll keep the kid and my true love my golden Maverick. That dog knows what I’m feeling with just a move of my eyes or eyebrows. So Lent here we go less ruminating auction off the husband. Seriously I’ll give him stellar referral and accolades. Also for Lent I’d like to squash my fear of boxed wine I really want to try it but am scared of migraines so I scarf my way thru Aussie cab?.
As for Tamara baby steps again..step..repeat again. If I can shower and actually leave my home and engage a grocery clerk that’s a win. That buys me 34 more days of on off showering and wine..I’m super excited for the Easter season because fkn “Robin eggs” candy …all day all night. I’m embarrassed of the level of excitement I get knowing I’ve bustelo coffee and friggin robins egg candy for breakfast… ?
Ruminating is one of my struggles too, I refer to it as “circling”. Several times I have given it up for lent, it is a terrible habit that leads to The Hole.
The dreary weather this week is going to make life tough. I know exercising is more necessary when sunshine is lacking, but I hate to exercise.
Hang in there TT. Just treat it as a cheat day.
Sold a house today!!
Yay!
My fitness goals for the year are also going well but I keep getting drunk, falling off my shoes, and spraining my ankle. June on my birthday and New Years Eve. Orangetheory has helped tremendously.
I’m either going to have to quit the booze or high heels.
Anyone want some size 39 Manolos?
Keep the Manolos, OMG
Tamara, you are way ahead of most in that you know what threw you off kilter and put you in a tailspin. When you recognize the cause, some things really external to you and some within your control, you at least know that it will pass. I suffer from anxiety and depression too, and sometimes it just rolls in over me like a wet blanket. Sometimes there’s nothing to do but ride it out. But knowing it will pass soon helps. Like where you are, it was.a wet, rainy day. Other than walking my dog and feeding him and my kitties, I spent the day flat on my back because of back pain. I’ve figured out which shows keep my mind off pain and depression and tune in to them 24/7 until things get better. I used to shop to bring up my mood, I loved buying new comforters or quilts to change out my room and cheer myself up. But the shopping is painful for my back some days. But thank goodness for online shopping. Woohoo. I love the high of packages arriving. The surprise factor is there because I never remember what I order.
Tamara find comfort in all the people that love your posts and wait for the joy you bring every day. Not everyone has the skill or the desire to put a smile on other peoples’ faces like you do. Be happy about that because it’s a gift you share every day. You will see that when your back pain improves so will your mood. Pain and depression go hand in hand. Until then, get comfortable and start surfing for some shows to take your mind off things. Even the House Bunny cheers me up. I’ll keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
P.S. There is an app. online that helps me a lot. It’s called Headspace.com. It starts you out slowly with meditation. I’ve never been a believer but my pain specialist recommended it because he said stress increases your pain, decreases your ability to tolerate pain, and causes depression. I tried it and liked it very much. I hate to see or read about someone going through a tough time and I want to help.
Giving up wine in the hope that it helps the 60+ post divorce pounds that I have gained…..and my new habit of sitting up til 4am. I don’t know. I struggle to follow through with anything for a day, so don’t have much faith in my success. Good luck everyone!
Just giving up wine caused me to drop 20 pounds.
I love to hear this! That’s motivating. Congratulations!
I need to quit smoking, drinking and lose then 25 pounds I lost last year and regained this year. Then i need to lose anither 60 and ill be at my ideal weight.
For the first time since I was 12, I can actually see what I look like below where my breasts used to be. To say I’m horrified would be an understatement. My sister said im trying to replace my breasts with my top layer of my tummy fat. I think she may have something there.
I spent 35 years in L.A. and now im back in my hometown of st. Louis. The winters are grey, bleak, cold and depressing. I long for So Cal winters. Often I don’t leave the house for weeks at a time. I count the days until spring.
I cleaned my oantry, which I used to stuff shit in. Now it looks like a grown up lives here. I did the same with my linen closet. I’m very proud of myself.
One day at a time.
Very good Daintyfeets!!! Your kicking ass non-stop.
Hearing your proud of yourself and feel like a grown up is ????
Have a great night.?
I take my 10,000 icu ‘s of vitamin D everyday. Its a must for a bleak, grey and dreary world.
I’m on 50,000 a week bit every Now and then I have to take two. It works! Loss of 52 pounds and 18 months and gain 27 and 3 months… So I’m trying to get back on my grind. I’m starting my day off with a warm salt soak bath and then a massage. I have to get back to taking care of myself and putting in the time. Good luck everybody. And I’m not advocating smoking but I have found many many people fine VAping to be And affected toward to help you quit smoking. You congratulate decrease your nicotine and still have the hand-to-mouth Motion. Some people I know are off a nicotine and they vape 0 nicotine… And some people are able to quit altogether. My son and my husband were able to quit because they could decrease their nicotine gradually.. Best of luck everyone!
Vaping helped me quit smoking. I am still addicted to nicotine but none of the coughing, stink, yellow fingers, grimy car windows from smoke, or sore throat and lungs from smoking. If you are not good at quitting things or have an addictive personality or history of addiction, I highly recommend switching to vaping. I feel 100x better.
I plan to join a rousing gospel choir so I can bellow at the top of my voice for an hour or so, wearing a pleated gown. I love music, it ‘does it’ for me, and I can never politely express anything fortissimo, so this will help. I should maybe also attend international rugby matches with a view to ore roaring, but a pleated gown might look incongruous.. ( For Valentine’s Day I am making bouquets with tiny fluffy animals perched on green plant struts, adorned with artificial greenery. The unicorn one is exquisite!)
Maybe the answer is to have two sets of cleaners, each not knowing about one another, and to give the modest impression to each that one, oneself, carried out the interim cleaning.
It’s enough that you keep us engaged and interested with great writing and observations. Rest.
It’s time for me to quit smoking. I have the patches but haven’t started yet. They scare me. I’m afraid I’m going to have a heart attack with one on. I know it’s sort of irrational to not start them and continue to smoke.
I also kicked out my BF today. It wasn’t the first time but I’m hoping it’s the last. #needtostaystrong #gonnabehard
Sometimes, it is helpful to cut the patch in half if you are having problems with racing heart beat or sweaty palms. I had that issue when I used the patch.
TT don’t waste energy kicking yourself for having a setback day or so. You’re not a robot.
It’s not compulsory to be perfect every day. It’s the long term trend that counts. Every day is a new chance to resume progress.
You just achieved a really big home reorganisation that was inspirational to read about, and that will last. I know you can reach other goals and that will make you happy with yourself and motivated to go after even more things that you want to get done. Just need to find a method that works for you.
For me I find writing down what I want to get done next day helps me focus, do something off the list and then the next thing…. It also helps me prioritise if I can see a list.
For weight the same seems to work for me…I now write down what I eat and drink. Only takes seconds on the Fitbit website via my phone, and really has turned me off eating stuff I do not want to have to log. I can see that I am consuming fewer calories than I am burning through mainly just walking. It is great to watch the graph trending down. My joints feel better too with less weight.
Good luck with Lent. But I do think sugar tends to pull me back into addiction if I just try to cut down on it. I am trying to cut it out, except for a bit of chocolate, and to get most carbs via fruit and vegetables. You just need to find an approach that works for you and it should be a whole lot easier. And rest whenever you need to. You will know when.
I am so tired of hating where I am in life right now. I especially hate my hog-body and how this affects everything in my life. I started to make amends this new year but I am glad lent comes early this year so I can kick my resolutions into high gear for 6 weeks.
I have a customer who, although lovely, I always thought was kinda whack. She is heavily into the ‘move your dna’ movement (Katy Bowman) and I finally started looking into it a while back. Essentially, us humans were not made to sit on soft couches or walk on nice, even paved sidewalks … we were built to sit or crouch on the ground and walk over all kinds of terrain and climb trees and shit like that. When I first started sitting on the floor it felt super awkward and getting up was so hard and ungainly. Ugh! But now, I go and sit on my mat on the floor that I’ve set up right in front of the fire instead of long periods of sitting on soft, cushy furnishings. I still feel like I’m 300 years old getting down and up sometimes but getting better all the time.
You are also supposed to walk a lot. I recently got a fit bit through air miles and it was a BIG wake up call. The week over Christmas I did 2,200 steps total!! For the week!! Just disgusting! I’m still not hitting 10,000 steps everyday but maybe that will be my goal for Lent.
One of the big things, for me, was to stop caring what other people might be thinking. So, if I’m out for a walk and I find a bench suitable for doing my exercises, I just do them right there for the whole world to see. I crouch a lot too – it makes my back feel better and it also makes me feel more connected to my ancient ancestors and how my body really should be.
One last thing … I also got some boxing gloves and a pair of those mitts that another person wears so you can ‘spar’ train. I highly suggest it for those who hate their significant others!! A very carthetic exercise and ridiculously good work out!
I hear you!!! ! Getting a tiny Fitbit Zip to wear around finally gave me a clear view of how little I was moving and the website backup to manage my food intake and enter up any other exercise. I now feel I have a clear way to be in.control of what I do for exercise and what I eat. If I lapse for a day or a week, I can just pick it up again.
What has amazed me is what a difference simple walking makes! Also, how I can be on my feet all day doing tiring stuff around the house but not rack up many steps. It has fascinated and really helped me in a lasting way.
I haven’t smoked since 1992 but I’m thinking of taking it up for lent. It just seems easier than diet and exercise. 😉
In the end, the most success I’ve had is using myfitnesspal and not logging exercise. There’s always the diets that promise you results with no work, but they are almost never sustainable and when have results with no work ever paid off? Um, never.
Really, when it comes right down to it, it’s about the calories you eat on a daily basis versus those you expend. There’s definitely something to be said for eating the right calories – avoiding sugar and processed foods – but if you can start by just restricting your calories and not expecting miracles, you should be ok. I’m a guy so I do much better on low carb, high protein diets with lots of good oils than anything else. Really, a basic mediterranean diet (minus the bread) is what works for me. Cooking your own food really helps. Eating out is the killer.
One of the keys to not expecting miracles (for me anyway) is to acknowledge that it’s going to take your body a while to get used to calorie restrictions and that (a) you’re going to be hungry and (b) it’s ok to be hungry and (c) being hungry really isn’t so bad!
The no booze thing for lent is a good idea. I may join you. Except I love booze. lol
Oh, and two things for that it’s worth:
– barometric pressure changes do the same to me. My sister actually sometimes gets migraines from them.
– as someone who has known you for a long long time, I can tell you without a doubt that the big brother feeds are not good for your mental health. xo
It’s probably true about BB. However, I have removed the clock from my bedroom and started sleeping in my bed again. I get up when I wake up now rather than waking up and telling myself I can sleep until noon and then doing that anxiety thing about should I get up now in case something is going on with this site or a housewife has gone to jail? I just get up when I wake up.
Last night I went to bed with BBAD was on (watching the rest of it now) and got up at ten. I’m going to try to make it to Call Me By Your Name because today is the last day. Also CBB is only two and a half weeks. Not all fucking summer of staying up all night drinking.
I’m feeling much better today.
That’s good news – the 2.5 weeks.
It’s dreary and raining today. I may see I, Tonya. Still haven’t seen Call Me By Your Name. A lot of the more insufferable gays I know like it, so I’m thinking I probably won’t. But then again, I liked Lady Bird, proving conclusively that I have no taste. 😉
You got this TT.
My depression and anxiety have been through the roof this week. Shaking with anxiety and can’t stop crying. Yesterday in St. Louis was dreary and gray. I did nothing. Nothing. Not a damn thing. Which made me feel guilty. Which plunged me deeper in the depression hole. I don’t call that ruminating I call it snowballing. For me, all it takes is one negative thought and the snowball starts rolling with negative thought after thought. And I end of feeling like shit about every single area of my life. Which makes me feel even worse.
I had to get a wellness checkup last week. My cholesterol levels and blood sugar were fantastic (thanks Mom & Dad for the good genes.) My BMI puts me in the malnourished category and was told to gain weight. I have stomach problems from the pain meds I take for severe back problems. My stress and anxiety greatly increase the pain levels too. Everything I eat hurts my gut so bad that I don’t eat much for fear of stomach pain. I use to be overweight but due to divorcing my physically, mentally and financially abusive ex husband and a cancer scare, I dropped 60lbs and started smoking. At this check up, they had a new device to show how much carbon monoxide (not sure that’s what it checked) you were or weren’t getting due to smoking. I smoke 6 cigs a day. It showed I was a HEAVY smoker. I was shocked and depressed by this. I know I need to quit smoking but I’m scared to death I’m going to gain weight.
Truthfully, I’m afraid to post this. Or admit that I’m ashamed of myself for admitting the truth of why I’m hesitant to quit nicotine. I guess acknowledging it is the first step.
TT, I thank you for your Open Forums. I’m disappointed in myself for only purging 1 trash bag since the Spring Clean Up Challenge. And wouldn’t you know, a paper I pitched is one I really need now that my debit card was hacked last week!
Radchick – hello fellow st. Louisa. Your first paragraph could have been written by me, word for word. (Where did you go to HS? Ha!) I feel the same way more often than not, and feel there has to be an end depth to what feels like a bottomless pit. Some days im above water and some days im not. Just try to stay afloat.
Try sembicort to combat the pain meds. My sister is in a similar situation and that works for her.
Keep your head up.
Where did you go to high school is the first question asked in St. Louis. Thanks for the laugh Daintyfeets! Mehlville class of 1980 is the answer.
I’m my book, and from this chair that has my butt permantly imprinted on it, 1 bag is an accomplishment and just the start-time frame of your own making.
That machine sounds terrifying, as I’ve recently gotten up to 3 pks/day., so from my perspective, 6 is pretty reasonable and a much easier place to start from when you decide you want to quit. Funnily enough, I bought that book mentioned above,(because of that very post from last year) and promptly shoved in the bookcase(didn’t want my husband to see it, for fear of commentary, and more so, I knew if I said it out loud, then I’d actually have to try!) and forgot completely about it until this post. Perhaps I should take this post as sign to dig that book out and actually open it….soon.
Stomach issues are misery. It would be so nice if we could share lbs-I’ve got 30 extra I’d love to give to someone in need or few here, few there(this chair is not helping).
Reading everyone’s comments, I find it amazing how many things we share. When in the midst of ones own personal hell-it’s hard to think/believe how many others are going thru similar things. We/I Go thru so much to hide those issues-it seldom occurs to me how many others might be working just as hard to hide theirs too. But here where no one can actually SEE you, it’s easier put those masks down.
**Without heading down too depressing a road, I posted of my loss on a recent open forum(w/o actually reading thru the whole prompt/request). I just wanted to thank the many of you for your very kind words, thoughts, and prayers-despite not responding then, I just wanted to say how very much those posts meant and were appreciated-still are. Truly, thank you.
First of all, the purging thing is not a contest. Not having eleventy billion trash bags of crap to get rid of is a good thing.
Secondly, there is a Whole Foods near the movie theatre I am going to this after noon and I am going to be able to get my sanity water (WF Brand of electrolyte water) and I will also get some GT Kombucha drinks. If your gut is messed up, it’s harder to be sane. Or sane-ish dependiing on your goal. lol. It’s pricey, but helpfl I think of both the water and the Kombucha as medicine and I haven’t had either in a while. I strongly reccomend the kombucha for stomach issues as well as yogurt. It takes a week to notice the difference.
Also, if you are not eating much, try some protein shakes or those Ensure things. Sometimes eating is hard to do, even for fat people with anxiety and we get our calories from booze instead of food. Booze is bad.
Also, Virginia Slims makes a super slim. It is basically a half a cigarette that is just as long but half as fat. It cost just as much as a regular cigarette, but each cig you smoke is half the nicotiine and bad stuff. Plus if that is not your brand, it may not be as pleasant for a while.
The anxiety is coming from poor nutrition and drinking. If you eat something raw every day, and try to avoid processed food, it will lessen. I promise. I bake a lot of sweet potatoes and use organic butter. It’s tasty and filling.
Then again, I’m not a rousing success story, because it is hard to stick to making good decisions, at least for me. But I do know what works when I stick to it.
Going to have to try that water! Tried Kombucha, it was really horrible. I take probiotics daily for my stomach; the Renew Life, 90 billion cultures and 12 probiotic strands. They make a huge positive difference in the way I feel physically and mentally. Someone recently recommended taking enzymes with meals, have tried it but have yet to notice a difference.
The gingerade is the easiest to get used to. The cosmic cranberry is good but doesn’t seem to have a much stuff in it. It’s the lumps that can be problematic. LOL. But that is the most important part.
OMG just reading about the lumps made me gag a little. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to handle that.
Thank-you for the tips TT. I’m going to try the Virginia Slims, kombucha and smart water. You’ve been praising the benefits of smart water for a long time. Ironically, my cousin owns a kombucha company in St. Louis. Never tried it or probiotics. I’m guessing the alcohol I drink doesn’t help the stomach. I think cutting way back on it for Lent is a great idea.
My lack of purging has nothing to do with lack of things to purge. I’ve got 56 years of crap that’s gotta go. You’re right, it’s not a contest. Today my goal is to take the ornaments off the Christmas tree.
Thanks again.
TT you’re doing an amazing job. Stay positive and keep moving forward. You rock!
Enjoy the film & day out of the house. Thinking of you & sending positive vibes. Keep up the great work xo Marc
TT, just a thought. How would you feel about getting a small, recliner exercycle to place in front of the TV? I have a small, but very robust one I can go and watch TV programmes on, especially in bad weather. Even in the heat none can see you watching in just underwear. When it is cold it gets my metabolism going and warms me up. The electronic display shows up distance travelled, calories burned, speed, etc. I have bad knees, one replaced so far, and setting the resistance on fairly easy level has really helped swelling and pain and built muscle that is protective.
Should say my exercycle being a recliner is not high up like an ordinary exercycle. So I don’t feel like I could fall off.
Has a comfortable seat, not like ordinary little bike seat. And I made a paper pattern of the seat and got a rubber goods store to cut me a firm, furniture-grade 2inch foam topper for the seat, so extra comfortable. Can relax on it as much as on sofa – but pedalling so strengthening knees and burning calories at whatever rate comfortable for me on the day.
What brand of exercycle do you use?
It is Elite Fitness brand. I got mine a few years ago now and love it. I can effortlessly cycle for an hour and burn around 300 calories if watching a programme. Not noisy. On their website I can see the Pegasus model is fairly close to mine. Might be another one. Mine is only a bit under 17 inches off rug to top of seat without the foam topper. You can vary the adjustments to fit your leg length etc too of course.
Explored whole site and sure mine closest to Pegasus. There are some really expensive bikes there but mine was cheap and just throws up electronic number display for calories, distance travelled, time on bike, etc. No graphs. I don’t need them or movie of terrain as I just watch TV and don’t try to force myself to athlete level. Keep resistance low so knees can move smoothly and without straining. I also like to relax with arm rests by side, not leaning fwd.
Lots of models on Amazon. The Marcy ones look good and simple to put together and use.
I’m prefer to think I’m taking a break instead of a setback. I took a 4 day break this week. Probably would have been 5 but I had to take the girls to the groomer this morning which forced me out of the house. It’s been so rainy and dreary here in N.GA that I couldn’t get motivated. Instead of lugging all of those bags to Goodwill, Vietnam Veterans of America will pick up your donations and the majority of proceeds are used to support veteran programs.
I really need to quit smoking and interested in how you all did it. I have my annual physical on the 22nd. Every year my doctor tells me to quit smoking and lose weight. I picked up the ingredients for Dolly Parton Soup this morning so maybe I can lose 20 pounds before my appointment :). The challenge will be not making corn bread to go with it.
What is Dolly Parton soup?
*Good luck with stopping smoking!
Have you ever tried “Slimming tea”? It definitely gets rid of excess water and makes you need the restroom for the other reason too. But it seems to lower all those levels that doctors yell at people about – cholesterol, sugar… I have a skinny secretary that is fated by bad genetics to have issues with sugar and cholesterol. She chugs that tea for two weeks or more before her doctor’s appointment and her levels are lower. It’s not tasty. But throw in a bag of rasberry tea to cover the flavor. The “Slimming tea” is a bit like a cleansing. So maybe things will look better when you see the doctor. It does make you drop a few pounds.
Hang in there, TT. There are brighter days ahead! Baby steps. Your site it the last thing I check before bed and the first thing I check in the morning, and MANY times in between! You brighten many people’s lives with your wit, snark and the hottest tea!
Tamara, all of that work you’ve been doing getting your house in order is hard work. Of course your body is going to push back. Give yourself a couple of days off to let your body recover. Don’t take too many off before you get back at it, though!
My progress purging my house is going much slower, but at least it is going. I am doing it little by little, and I am seeing progress. I took out two bags of crap I was throwing away today, and I almost have 2 more bags ready to go. The whole process is exhausting, but I am loving seeing my house get back into shape. It just makes you feel so much better.
I am not Catholic but give up something for Lent every year too. I’m not big on going to church, and I feel like that is at least something I can do. I gave up alcohol for Lent a few years ago and decided I’m never doing that again. I was perfectly able to do without alcohol for 6 weeks, I just prefer not to. This year I am giving up sugar, and I am committing to exercising at least twice a week for at least 30 minutes each time. I haven’t been exercising at all, and I feel like twice a week is a goal that is attainable and will help me get back in the habit. After I maintain that for Lent, I will start adding additional days.
I just found this site about a week ago , I find it very inspiring ! Thank you .
Welcome Lucy! We’re a pretty nice bunch…. well until we fight and gouge each others eyes out. LOL.
Today was wet and dreary but somehow it was a much better day than yesterday. I’m always happy when I have goals for the day and meet them. I went to the movies and found the new Whole Foods. It SUCKS BALLS and there were kids at the hot food section breathing on the food! It’s way fancier than the ghetto Whole Foods was and I couldn’t fine anything. I’ll be going to the Buckhead store from now on. It’s at least organized in a somewhat normal fashion.
I did get two cases of electrolyte water and a giant bottle of Kombuca and the 365 black pepper and the organice Rotel, and some artichoke quarters and a couple of bananas and a sweet potato and that was about it. I was approaching the three hour point of being out of the house and was ready to get home.
This is a bit off subject, but from your first post. If you didn’t actually buy your sheets on that outing, can I suggest(if you’ve not tried them already) Bamboo sheets-from Amazon. The brand is Cariloha. They are pricier than I’ve ever spent before($199 for king set). For sheets, they are life changing! Dramatic, I know but damn those are great sheets. My mil bought us our first set when she went to the Bahamas. Even my very careful(cheap-ass!) husband thinks they’re worth the money. They don’t get hot, wash well and just feel /sleep great. I’d always heard the wonders of bamboo but was overwhelmed by the variety and choices out there. The whole family now swears by them. (Also, despite above “promotion”-I do not work for the Co.)
Also, I’m glad to hear you feel better than first post, it never hurts to remember that perfection is for perfect people and cut yourself some slack when a day doesn’t go according to plan. Sounds like you’ve made huge strides and are encouraging a lot of others too. While I’m not one of them yet, I’ve not given up hope that soon I will get up out of this chair and start ….something
I need some support and don’t know where else to ask.
On Saturday afternoon I kicked out the guy who has been living with me for over 2.5 years. He told me last night he’s probably moving out of state of I don’t take him back.
I just woke up in full panic mode. Full of fear. I’m used to him being here.
I’ve spent most of my life alone but now it’s hard because of him.
I know it’s best but I’m having a hard time thinking he’s gonna be really gone gone.
I don’t know what to do.
This isn’t like me.
I’m sorry Bee. If he was a shit boyfriend yesterday, he’ll still be a shit boyfriend tomorrow. You deserve better.
Feelings are butterflies to catch and release. I avoided unpleasant feelings for decades. Just pushed them down, but that’s not healthy. Feeling angry, fearful (but not if you really aren’t safe), or anxious is really uncomfortable, but the feelings will pass if you can acknowledge them and understand why you feel that way. Loss is hard. I’m sure you will miss him.
He sounds manipulative. If you don’t take me back, I’ll go far away….. sounds like a child’s threat. You probably made the right decision. ((Hugs))
Hi Bee, good luck and stay strong. I have never regretted ending a relationship in the long run. I think most of us who get divorced or end a long relationship, or even a short relationship, don’t generally feel like we made a huge mistake. Many of us wish we had done it sooner. But when it’s happening, and in the days and weeks right after you’ve broken up, it is hard. So hard. And you second guess yourself. Stay strong. It will get better.
Stay strong, Bee. I hope he really does leave the state. Hopefully he has someone there and will become their problem. He’s manipulating you and you are letting him. Please stop taking his calls and block his number.
For sure! This fella sounds like he moves from female victim to victim.Forget him – and look after yourself.
Bee, you kicked him out for a reason. Please remember that reason. Being single/alone is hard and scary at first. It’s also a chance for a new beginning. You got this. Also, there’s a lot of us who’ve been there, done it and survived. Not only have we survived, we’ve thrived. Be kind to yourself.
TT’s Open Forums are a great place to post these sort of things. Many of us keep posting there throughout the week until the next Open Forum.
Oh geeze. I just realized you did post this on an Open Forum. See? You’re instincts are spot on! Trust them.
I am also going through a spout of depression. I sleep too much during the day. I end up taking a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. It has to be 3 hours in the bed because it takes me over an hour to fall asleep because I just keep thinking and worrying about things. Sometimes my body actually shakes, or I get trapped in this weird half asleep state where I feel like I’m paralyzed and can’t move. On days when I have an appointment or something I have to do, I get anxiety about not being able to take that nap. I spend a bunch of time online, obsessively checking comments on websites I like, refreshing websites to look for new articles even when I know they don’t post articles on the weekend, and as the time slips by, and it’s getting too late to take that 3 hour nap, I start to feel anxious. I try to lay down for an hour if that’s all I have, but my heart just races and I feel physically ill knowing that it will take me a long time to fall asleep and then the alarm will go off and it will be loud and startle me and I will not have gotten the sleep I need. Today is one of those days. I usually sleep from noon to 3PM, but I have to leave the house at 2:15PM to pick my kid up from school and take him to an appointment. The fact that I shouldn’t even really be sleeping at all durfing the day makes me feel bad too. There are things that should be done. There are bills I need to pay, there are things I need to buy, there are things that need to be cleaned. I tend to be able to do these things better in the evening, after I’ve slept, but I could get so much more done if I started in the mornings. I spend more than half my day either napping or watching TV and being online waiting until it’s time to go lie down. I get into these depressive funks where I don’t pay the bills, or go shopping, or do the laundry, or even shower, but I spend hours each day worrying about the consequences of not doing those things and trying to devise ways to get around them. I febreeze my hair instead of showering! I put dirty clothes in the dryer with some dryer sheets instead of doing the laundry properly. I order pizza or I ask my husband to buy a few essentials on his way home from work so we can eat that night, but then the next day we’re out of food again. I write lists of the things I have to do and the bills I have to pay, but then I ignore the list. I procrastinate. And I obsess about procrastinating.
And what sucks is that when I actually shower or when I actually pay my bills or when I actually get to the store and buy things, I feel so much better! I KNOW these things make me feel better, and if I just do them I will not have to worry about them, but trying to come up with the motivation to do them is so hard for me. And if I do eventually work myself up to feeling like I can shower or go buy groceries, it’s too late, there’s not enough time, it’s midnight or it’s time to go to an apt or do something else.
Amy. I am familiar with a lot of these symptoms too. this time around outside the whole, I’ve found that getting up as soon as I start to wake up and the anxiety and weird thoughts start, I get up and drink coffee. I’m not really a coffee person, but the caffeine in coffee, since I am not used to it helps a lot. I can drink coke or tea all day long and the caffeine does nothing, but coffee first thing in the morning gives me a little push to get going and stops the constant desire to sleep.
Amy, I could’ve written your comment. I get it. All of it. The thing that helped me, after 8 years of experiencing what your going through, was getting a part time job. It’s helped a lot. I’m not napping now, but unfortunately, I struggle with showering daily, opening mail, not eating right and negative thoughts snowballing into more negative thoughts. Pizza is my friend. Grocery shopping is not.
I’m taking TT up on her suggestions to drink smart water and kombucha, try probiotics and eating nourishing food. Good luck.!
Amy, have you been able to talk all this through with your doctor? Or someone else?
You don’t say if you are on meds or getting any other help?
I know that for long months over last year I was hit by 3 very severe challenges at the same time, that dragged on for many months – almost paralysing me. Worst year of my life!
I just could not make any headway, was in a lot of pain, got very little quality sleep. Luckily am retired so did not have to fit a work day in.
I lay awake re-running scenarios in my head and second-guessing myself. I went through the days shaky and desperately still trying to fight forward on all fronts. I felt totally trapped.
In the end a friend went with me to my doctor and helped summarise the overall situation. I was given something to really knock me out at night and reassured that I was not crazy or paranoid, I was just mentally and physically exhausted. Yes, it was all totally unfair. The problems would still be there when I woke up but I would be in better condition to fight them.
For about a week I was careful not to do anything final on anything, as was a bit hazy from the drug when I woke up. My doctor warned me this would happen.
But then the haze cleared and I got good sleep at nights and had a clear head during the days. I fought on through everything and was able to cope and come through it all.
Govt agency finally accepted their civil action against me was a total error of theirs. No apology of course, but they went away and bullied someone else. Severely ill husband in hospital recovered after nearly a year of rehab. My pain eventually got sorted too via surgery.
I only needed a few weeks on the drug to get me through, and it made all the difference to being able to cope with the oppressive stress.
I don’t know what combination of issues you are facing, that has reduced your ability to cope at the moment. But I do think you need quality sleep that will give you more awake hours to manage things. Do reach out for help. Your husband sounds an angel and also needs you to get some help from wherever might be acceptable to you.
Perhaps start by mapping out in general what has led to this, then find someone you trust to help you work through it. Don’t just accept adversity and let it keep hitting you. People will want to help.
I am drinking coffee and trying my hardest to stay awake but the narcolepsy is STRONG today with yet another overcast day… I need toothpicks to prop my eyes open.
I’m off for a 20 – 30 minute nap.
I am drinking coffee and trying my hardest to stay awake but the narcolepsy is STRONG today with yet another overcast day… I need toothpicks to prop my eyes open.
TT, I can’t thank you enough for these Open Forums or your honesty sharing what you’re going through. You’re helping so many of us. Thank you.
I totally meant to put up a Fat Tuesday post today but I went out to dinner and I think it was just a bit overwhelming for me, although I enjoyed myself up until waiting a bit for my check at the end and am a bit in need of some rest and to get offline for a bit.
So this is your only reminded that LENT START TOMORROW if you are interested. I’m giving up alcohol… and trying to work on cleaning up the ghetto shack a bit more thoroughly. I’ll put up a Lent open forum this weekend maybe, but meantime, most of us chat here until the new OF post goes up. Just hit the OPEN FORUM link on the black bar and it will take you to the latest one!
xo
~tt