It’s week three of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars. So far we’ve said goodbye to Morgan McMichaels and my girl Thorgy Thor. Will this week finally be Chi Chi’s turn or will she prove to be Season 3’s Roxxxy Andrews? Will the world finally see Milk as she sees herself? And will Trixie Mattel ever get any attention (other than being show’s the Greek chorus)? These questions, and many others, will be answered in this episode of… RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars.
With Thorgy gone (“Wooo! Drag is fun. Suck it ShangeLLa!”), Kennedy is looking for tits on an ant. She decides to get insulted by Thorgy’s penis cartoon. Milk, clearly unable to read a room, decides this is the perfect time to tell her she should have gone home. Milk, you in danger, girl. Shangela considers herself the Khaleesi but, as GLH aptly pointed out last week, she’s actually the Margaery Tyrell. Kennedy is the one I wouldn’t want to face in battle.
The queens have to improv scenes from The Bitchelor, starring Unreal’s Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman. Ru hands out date partners and personalities. They work on their characters a bit and head to the set. BenDeLaCreme’s cougar is going to win her her third challenge. From her crotch shot as she exits the limo, to her eating (and re-eating) a sexy banana, she is comedy gold. She’s fair about giving Bebe equal time but she steals the scene. Despite Ben’s advice to the contrary, Bebe decides her virgin character is an African princess. She thinks it’s safe because it’s familiar. The problem is, it’s not funny. I was going to say more but in comedy, that’s the kiss of death.
Trixie Mattel lives in LA. She gets her fake girl character. She lays the groundwork for some pretty good comedy. Unfortunately, she never gets there. Milk, desperate for limelight, refuses to give Trixie a moment to breathe. Her stalker Bitchelorette is fairly good but her poor sportsmanship ruins it. It’s impossible to enjoy the scene. Trixie ends her performance with a new character: Pissed Off Girl.
Aja doesn’t understand her Needy Girl character. We want Ashley I from the Bachelor but we get a crybaby. She’s more helpless than manipulative. Luckily, Kennedy Davenport steamrolls over everyone around her. Her party girl is crunk. You just know she’s a Nene Leakes fan (seriously, click this link for a visual that is too abysmal). When she pulls her wig off, it’s over. Dead.
Chi Chi and Shangela, as the poly-amorous couple, are awkward. Chi Chi is supposed to be really into the show (and dick) but she’s playing the lesbian version of Mike Pence. No one wants to hear her call Shangela “Mother.” Shangela has actual acting experience. This should be her challenge but she’s chewing scenery. I know it’s hard to carry a scene but I think this comes down to choices.
Ultimately, Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman gives his eggplant to RuPaul. Who saw that coming?
As the girls paint, we get to some real ish. Trixie wants to prove herself. While she’s had one of the most successful post-Drag Race careers, she hasn’t succeeded on the show. To the Ru Girls, she’s a failure. Shangela tells Milk she’s in the bottom this week. Milk thinks she’s in the top. The delusion is strong in this one. Meanwhile, across the room, Kennedy is plotting Milk’s demise. We’re being set up for a Kennedy top vs Milk bottom.
Judges Michelle Visage and Ross Matthews are joined by Unreal’s Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman and Constance Zimmer. The category, Wigs Upon Wigs Upon Wigs, is based on Roxxxy Andrews’ infamous wig reveal.
BenDeLaCreme removes her curly updo to reveal three feet of straight black hair. It’s like a waterfall. But she’s not done. She tugs on her skirt and reveals a second skirt made of wigs. She surely met the challenge criteria. Bebe Zahara Benet is Asian tonight. She removes her Geisha wig to reveal a long pony with afro puffs and shucks her original Cheongsam to display a sexier version. Trixie Mattel is Lady Bunny. Her muumuu turns into a minidress and her Bunny beehive turns into Twiggy. Milk is 60’s with a huge beehive. Production is being shady by having her follow Trixie. Her second wig is an I Dream of Jeannie/Madonna moment. Then she tugs on her ponytail and it grows. I had that Barbie!
Aja is a cartoon. This is the kind of look I want from her. Then she reveals a messy neon yellow bob. It’s a letdown. Or it would be if she didn’t remove that and reveal a third wig (Erika Jayne purple ponytails). Kennedy Davenport goes from giant afro to pink shag. I forgot how much she looks like Phaedra Parks. I was worried her look was too basic but she also does a third wig reveal (platinum pixie). Chi Chi DeVayne is the second oversize afro. Hers turns into long waved hair. Shangela is fighting for the crown. She’s corn as a call back to Season 3. Her corn wig reveals a crimped green monstrosity covered in popcorn.
Top Three: BenDeLaCreme, Trixie Mattel and Kennedy
Bottom Three: Milk (gasp), Aja and Chi Chi
BenDeLaCreme can do no wrong. Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman specifically thanks her for making it easy (and fun). Trixie is amazing in runway and performance. The judges all note she was talked over (cut to Milk). Milk gets mixed reviews on her look but everyone is united about her performance. Constance Zimmer notes that sometimes, less is more. Aja is a star on the runway but not on the Bitchelor. She learns that needy and spoiled are two different things. Kennedy’s runway look draws rave reviews but her performance eclipses everything. Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman wants Chi Chi. But no one wants her lesbian sister wife. Chi Chi apologizes to RuPaul for feeling insecure. It’s like the flipside of Adore Delano’s meltdown.
Top Two: BenDeLaCreme and Kennedy
Bottom Three: Milk, Aja and Chi Chi
BenDeLaCreme and Kennedy have three choices for elimination this week. Before they get down to it, Trixie expresses surprise that she wasn’t top two. She promises she isn’t going to be safe and cry because that’s inappropriate (cut to Milk). Milk takes that as a cue to start crying. It’s mostly shock that she didn’t win. Bebe is impressed how well she insulates herself from the truth. Then Milk recites The Victimization Of Milk. Again. Kennedy announces that she’s not going to do one-on-one meetings with the bottoms. She plans to make a professional assessment based on overall performance. BenDeLa wants the camera time. Chi Chi is ready to self-evict. It should be an easy decision until Milk tells DeLa, “The judges actually want me to continue in this competition.” How’s that villain edit treating you, Milk?
LIP-SYNC FOR YOUR LEGACY
BenDeLaCreme and Kennedy lip-sync to Green Light by Lorde. Hmmm, VH1 has a much bigger music budget than Logo did. Both queens go emo. BenDeLa is angry. Kennedy is hurt. DeLa uses gimmicks. Kennedy owns her stage with quiet intensity. When Kennedy does a new wig reveal, BenDeLaCreme looks annoyed that she didn’t think of it. You see the judges trying to watch Ben but this is Kennedy’s night.
Winner: Kennedy Davenport
Kennedy decides to eliminate Milk. Yeah, I wrote that before it happened. Unsurprisingly, Milk is shocked. I still have hope for Milk. Hopefully she’ll get another chance later in the season.
Next week: Snatch Game! Snatch Game! Snatch Game!