Catfish: Mary & Adam

Hello, Catfish fans (of perhaps we are anti-fans?) sorry for the delay it has been a busy week for me. I have been dying to see this because Mary is back. This time she is claiming SHE is the catfish. ARGH once again, because I have to tape the second showing, I am watching the end of another episode which means I won’t miss the fake follow up video chats with these two. Which is fine because, According to Kenton from the Caitlyn & Kenton episode, the updates are videoed like two days later, not two months. He also said he was crying during the meeting with Caitlyn and he was not the asshole he was made out to be. I think I put all of that in comments here last time I posted with a link to his Facebook video of woe is me.

After last week I was thinking that nothing could be weirder and more staged than the Lawrence and Cierra episode, but bringing Mary back as a victim is already insane. Mary said that she was dragged really hard on social media, but she deserved it. She’s been to therapy. She met Adam three years ago but whenever he started dating someone in Alabama he would cut her off. Then she would just go back to Catfishing. Supposedly, he saw her on Catfish and it didn’t seem to bother him too much. Adam uses the name Cameron so that his mom can’t find him on social media. #eyeroll  Blah Blah blah no video chat, insert all the usual catfish behavior. It’s abundantly obvious that Adam has seen Mary on Catfish and still wants to date her so he is definitely not the hot guy in the photo. No offense Mary, but life doesn’t work that way. Mary says he will take him whatever he looks like unless he is old. Like 40. Le sigh.

Catfish clearly did her hair and makeup for her first meet. That was nice of them. She says she is going to get brand new teeth. I wonder if Catfish offered her that in exchange for one more episode of humiliation.  Oh wow, Adam is playing the cancer card. Nev and Max ask her why she isn’t using what she knows as a former catfish to find the truth on her own. She says she has already done the incredibly simple Internet search and she came up empty.

The Ridiculously Simple Internet Search

The guys find Skyler some girl who is apparently looking forward to coming to see Adam in the near future. They apparently watch movies together over the phone. Adam had another Facebook page for Mary and her picture is his banner. This week, the guys suddenly have access to LexisNexis! That’s interesting, a hundred years ago when that first came out I was working lots of temp jobs while going to school. I used to work of a law office looking things up and printing them out. We were forbidden to use it for personal use. I mean come on, y’all know me, I investigate the color of the wall on Catfish. You know I was looking up my dates left and right. I wonder how much that costs now and if you still have to be a law firm. Anyway, there are two guys in Alabama who have Adam’s name and they are both 40ish. Why do they show Mary saying 40 is her cut off date in the beginning? It is so obvious they told her to say that, which means she already knows what Adam looks like and how old he is.

Later Skyler calls, she is 17 and from North Carolina and is a very pretty heavyset young lady. She seems to think Adam is going to come see her soon. Skyler has of course never video chatted with him.

The guys go to meet Mary in a park next to a large body of water. Which is completely wrong. We don’t do parks next to a large body of water until the catfish meetup. It’s interesting this season that they seem to have really cut down on home visits. Last week, Lawrence got a home visit but it was at his mother’s house it didn’t seem like he got any furniture and then Cierra and Lawrence never made it to the day two visit at her house so she didn’t get anything either. Are they tired of buying couches? Are they using that money for a tooth fund now? This just is not right.

Nev confronts Mary about holding back information from him on the situation. She completely denies there is anything she is hold back. Mary is terrible at acting shocked by Adam girlfriend Skyler. She dry eye cries and whispers about crying on TV. Bitch, please. You did whatever you did just to get back on TV for some teefs. Or else Catfish was desperate for fools due to a hole in their filming schedule and they called her and offered her a new part since she lives in LA where they are headquartered. Clearly Skyler and Adam applied to the show. Adam does sound as dumb as a can of nematodes though.

Nev’s wife is loving being on every episode. Since they are in LA she gets to show up at the park near a large body of water this time.

It seems the money they are saving on couches they are spending on first class airplane tickets. Or at least they smartened up and started doing promotional exchanges.

Once they get to Alabama, Adam is not answering his phone. Once again the guys ask her if she is hiding anything. Eventually they make contact and go to an address. WE MIGHT GET COUCHES AFTER ALL!

Eventually, Adam comes to the door, it’s the person from the photos but it is quickly evident that Adam is trans. He says he didn’t want to tell her because she blabs everything on Facebook and he didn’t want it all over social media. Mary is fine with it. Adam does have some precancerous mouth cancer from dipping. Because, Alabama. Adam doesn’t fully cop to having a relationship with Skyler. Adam tells Mary he is not really in a place to have a serious relationship. He has partial custody of his little sister. Mary fake cries and heads for the van.

We are going straight into the second conversation without even leaving the driveway. The go inside so we can see the couches. Adam has lesbian/straight guy taste in furniture. There I said it. It’s some kind of high back suede monstrosity with big heavy brad accents. It’s atrocious. This looks like someone’s grandmother’s house with the heavy curtains and what not.

Adam says he sees their relationship as more of a friendship. She says she just wants to go on one date with him. He says he can’t be seen in public with her because a recent ex of his is back in town.

Coincidentally, production set up a shoot for them at a local bar and grill where they guys take Mary out for ice cream and advice. Nev’s wife calls again and my recording cuts off. I really don’t need a follow-up, for these two. But they totally left me hanging about Skylar. Did they resolve that love affair?

This season doesn’t even try to look like they aren’t scripted.