Tonight is well and truly the last time we have to see Siggy Flicker on this show. That’s the good news. The bad news is we have one more hour of the rest of them. I don’t feel like they are going to reveal any good secrets tonight, but will recap it for you nonetheless so you don’t have to watch it.
We are starting with comparing Melissa’s parenting skills to Teresa’s. Really? Are either of them an example of fine parenting? We see an Easter egg dying party at the Gorgas with all of Melissa and Teresa’s kids. Melissa tries to set some boundaries while Teresa is fine with a free for all.
It seems we missed another of Siggy’s very important cakes. She’s paid for a really cool birthday cake that really does look like a stack of books. Her dad is coming for Shabbat dinner but it is also a surprise party. Siggy is spazzing out ordering everyone around. I love Siggy’s dad Mordecai. Can we keep him?
Teresa says that the entire cast was there for her when her mother died. They were all great. Somehow that segues into a scene about Teresa’s celibacy. Some of these scenes we have already seen. Do we really need to rewatch scenes about masturbating?
Dolores talked to Siggy and Melissa about Dolores’ boyfriend David. Dolores is in love, but it’s hard to be with someone who is on call 24/7. Dolores says that she is ready to enjoy her retirement years. If he can’t slow down work, she is looking forward to falling in love again.
Andy talks about the tight relationship between Siggy and Dolores. A viewer wants Dolores to prove she is not Siggy’s lapdog by calling her out on something. Dolores can’t think of anything until Teresa brings up social media. Dolores has been trying to get Siggy off of social media because she doesn’t think it is good for her. Siggy says she wants to stay on because she doesn’t think she is getting her point across. Oh we get it. She is obsessed with Margaret and goes months and months at time ranting about her daily. She is also really fond of photographs of herself. She like to include one in almost every reply. Teresa and Melissa both tell her to stop engaging on social media.
Siggy says she blocked Margaret and deleted her. She says it is hard for her when someone doesn’t genuinely like her. THIS HAS TO BE WHERE MARGARET PRODUCED THE RECEIPTS! Instead we have a moment where the two were actually almost kind to each other. Then we get a scene with Siggy in a silver body suit without a lot of material and some giant crooked wings. Oh course this is a photo shoot for a fiftieth birthday party! As one does. Margaret is there being supportive. Margaret opted for the other obvious option of being carried on a wooden horse for her 50th birthday party. I mean clearly one or the other of those things are what the wealthy are doing these days. Then somehow they talk about using the bathroom and changing tampons. As one does.
Next we are at the fake pizzeria which mean it has to be the scene with Danielle fucking #20 in the bathroom. As one does. Teresa goes around and tells everyone and everyone immediately guesses Danielle. Danielle, who appears to be high as fuck brags to a flabbergasted Dolores that her man ain’t never leaving her. I mean why would her right? She’s clazzy AF. Here she is back on TV making her daughters proud. Then Danielle suggests maybe she should bring her man (who refuses to film naturally) and she can have “the same kind of fun.”
We get some unseen footage of Teresa and the girls in Puerto Rico. She talks alone with Gia about Joe, and her prison time and her grandma dying. She reads a letter that Joe wrote her where he is talking about how just yesterday they were kids and now they are almost 50. He talks about how the time will fly by and they will be together soon. See the letter above. Is this supposed to be AFTER her got his GED?
Teresa cries. Gia thinks that when her dad comes out he going to better and he will be so happy. Teresa agrees, that he will be in a good place. I think so too, Italy is lovely. Teresa says time heals all wounds.
Dolores takes her mom for a nice healthy lunch. We have never seen her mom. I like these scenes. Right up to the part where she wants to take her mom to a spa day, a massage and a colonic. She wants to go to a holistic health specialist. Her mom draws the line at a healthy lunch.
Next we see Joe and Melissa fake interviewing fake hostess applications for the fake pizzeria. Joe just hires all the hot girls that show up.
Danielle has invited Margaret, Teresa and Melissa to be in her wedding along with twelve other bridesmaids. I don’t believe a word she is saying. Especially the part where they know 24 people willing to be in their wedding. Bravo set up a proposal for her and #20 with violins and dancers. I think he should have done it in a place that was meaningful to both of them, like the bathroom stall at the fake pizzeria. He didn’t get down on one knee. I guess that is her role.
Apparently, we are going to end with a conversation about sex with Melissa, Teresa, Margaret and Delores. Teresa had sex on the beach in Punta Cana. Melissa had sex in a packed movie theater. Margaret had sex in the airplane bathroom. Thankfully the DVR cuts off right there. If Danielle took a turn, I am grateful to have missed it.