Somehow, I am never prepared for RHOA to start at 8 p.m. I try to get some stuff done around the house on the weekends and 8 p.m. just sneaks up on me. For reasons that are unclear to me, this is a seventy-five minute episode. It will also not include Nene Leakes and Kim Biermann will not be on it. I dropped the bomb recently about how much Nene gets paid in a random post here recently. By not putting her in all the episodes she get to be the highest paid per episode for her ego, but she is not in all of the episodes to maintain the budget. In fairness, people are going to say that Nene didn’t support the Hurricane relief, but she was not invited due to the budget, nor was Kim.
It appears that the reason this show is 75 minutes is because they want to re-air the midseason trailer at the top of the show. It’s not a bad idea, really. But it seems ridiculous to mess of the schedule for the whole night.
This week we have dueling trips to Houston to help out with Hurricane Harvey relief. While it is great that the housewives are helping out, you would think they could get along. Of course that is not happening. Shamea does call Porsha to volunteer her time.
Cynthia and Kandi meet at Pour for dinner. I haven’t seen them there before. Kenya missed the dinner because her husband is in town. Kandi only orders a salad. She is working on getting in shape for her Broadway run I guess. She is there now doing her thing. She and Todd recently had a double date with Kenya and Marc at his restaurant. I loved that. Cynthia is going to Houston because Noelle was born there and her sister just moved from there. She has a lot of ties. Kandi can’t go on the trip she had prior commitments with Riley that weekend and she wants us to know she has given over $20K to the cause. But she is still being paid for the episode. Cynthia’s event is on Friday night and Porsha’s event is on Saturday. Cynthia says if Porsha supports her event she is more than willing to help with her event on Saturday. Kandi lets us know that the real reason people are not going is because it is a Porsha event and no one likes her or wants to do anything with her. Kandi says she will not go down the street with Porsha, let alone go to Houston with her. Kenya calls in to video chat with Cynthia and Cynthia points out that she looks freshly fucked. Kenya says that she is not coming. Cynthia’s storyline is being abandoned by Kenya this season.
Next up we get a phone call from the federal pen from that Tyrone guy who is thirsty as fuck to be on this show. I remember him from the FIX THAT FACE! FIX THAT BODY! season where he was working hard to get ponzi scam on the RHOA. Looks like he is still working the RHOA from the pokey. Sheree’s stupid ass is claiming that she can’t go to Houston because of her fakeass back injury. Sheree and Tyrone are trying to pretend like Nene was trying to get with him in the past. This is total horseshit. Tyrone has been showboating around all the women on this show at some point. He’s thirsty. Which is why he is a perfect match for Sheree. Notice he didn’t call her at all when she was off the show, and now that she is back on, he’s wormed his way into a storyline to pay for his dorito bill in the pokey. I wonder how much money Bravo puts on his books for commissary? And Sheree is happy to play along because the word in the Mama Joyce streets is she has a girlfriend. It’s all very convenient. I do like those athletic legging Sheree was wearing though.
Porsha, her sister Lauren, Cynthia and her sister Mallory arrive in Houston and see all the devastation. The entire contents of houses are on the streets for removal. It’s awful. So sad. I actually like this Porsha. And the Celebrity Apprentice Porsha. And Dish Nation Porsha. I wish she was like this all the time. This Porsha is incredible. Then Shamea shows up at the community center. Porsha is snotty about it.
Riley has just turned 15 and she is practicing her driving in an eleventy billion dollar Mercedes SUV thing. I’m so poor I don’t even know what it is called. What I do know is that she needs to be practicing in a Ford Pinto or something because she is not even clear which side of the street people drive on. Also, I hope Kandi doesn’t hand Riley too many things. That won’t be good for her in the long run. She needs a job at OLG. I have a feeling she and Todd’s daughter both already work there. On the other hand, Kandi was rich in high school and she is doing fantastic. So.. who knows? What I am not really liking is that Riley’s issues with her daddy are playing out on TV.
Later Kandi meets with Block. I like block just because he knows that a co-cola is a co-cola. It really doesn’t take more than that for me. Apparently, Riley was pissed because she was blindsided by production with the phone call from her dad. That’s what I’m talking about. Leave this beautiful 15-year-old child’s private business off the show! Oh God. Kandi wants to do counseling with Block and Riley. On camera? Please noe.
Cynthia is getting in full hair and makeup for her event. She is hosting a benefit concert to lift spirits and raise money. Kenya is supposedly in LA working. This is the second Kenya excuse. How do they not see that. You know she has to be coming. Porsha donated $5K to Cynthia’s fundraising. See? She does have a heart. This is a very heartwarming episode.
Then my girl Kenya makes her dramatic appearance. I can’t believe they thought she really wouldn’t come to support Cynthia. Kenya has a lot of family in Houston. She just had to totally rearrange her schedule to get there. The Houston filming was clearly not planned in advance and the other had that weekend free to take other bookings. Or be with their children. So it was a big ask to get people to drop everything and get there. Later, Shamea and Porsha try to make up. And the do. It was cute.
Kenya actually has a third event that she put together with Habitat For Humanity where they will have to do some heavy lifting and not just write a check or host a party. Porsha’s event is at 11 and Kenya’s is at 12. Members of Kenya’s family are there. Cynthia bails on Porsha’s event for Kenya. Drama will ensue.
It’s time for Porsha’s event. She says “You can always host an event, but my team planned he event ourselves.” That was some shade to Cynthia. She is feeding people and way more people have shown up for food. Porshas is very upset they are running out of food. Her crying makes me cry.
Kenya’s event is heartbreaking. Kenya tells fans she is not there to take photos they have work to do. Kenya is a taskmaster on tearing out all the drywall. Kenya can’t even talk to Shamea long enough to tell her where to meet her. When Shamea arrives and Kenya puts her on trash bag duty. Shamea says she is there on behalf of her sister and she has a check for her. Kenya is a straight up bitch to her. It’s sad when Porsha looks better on camera than Kenya, but that’s what I am seeing. Then again, Beck, the showrunner hates Kenya and this is her payback for not having her man on the show. Well this and her being fired for next season. Le sigh.
And they are all off to the same restaurant for an end of the episode brawl. At dinner, Cynthia gets a lot of flack for not supporting Porsha’s event when Porsha came to hers. Shamea and Lauren felt (rightly) disrespected by Kenya. Cynthia has to defend herself and Kenya. Where is Kenya? Ah, Beck gives her a later call time to walk into the middle of this conversation. The kitchen is closed so Kenya doesn’t even get to eat. I see you Micheal Beck. You better not fuck up RHONY like you have fucked up this season. Kenya says she will just drink. Except, Kenya doesn’t drink. So this whole, “Only beer and wine what kind of place do y’all got me in?” is SOFA KING scripted. She just orders water which is what she always drinks anyway. There are a lot of playful jabs at Kenya about her taskmaster attitude. Kenya’s lines are very scripted, asking for more water… It’s all very not Kenya. I do not understand why she is playing this role? I guess for the same reason Porsha is. It’s a paycheck. Unfortunately, it’s not enough for Kenya to keep hers. I wish she had not succumbed to the bullying of production at this point. I am disappointed in her. Even Cynthia is trying to help her get out of this scene and she is not having it.
Kenya goes off to the bathroom. Kenya says there is a time where she would have lit Shamea up and read her for filth but she is in a different place right now. Can ANYONE explain to me what Shamea did other than go to her event and carry trash bags to support her? Who is this women who looks like Kenya? In the bathroom with producers she plays the victim. I don’t understand what I am seeing here. She says the whole table, (flash to Cynthia) is stupid as shit and she is tired of every good thing she does being turned around on her. Okay. Beck has completed his mission. I am ready for her to go. No spinoff. No nothing. Just go. Then she screams at production “That’s why Marc don’t want to be a part of this because every time they are trashing his wife!”
Then Beck sends PORSHA into the bathroom with Kenya. She’s demanding that her microphone be removed. She flips off the camera. Kenya flips off the cameras. WTF is going on here? Who is this woman? Cynthia goes out to the car to talk to Kenya before she leaves and she says, “This is my moment.” I hope that is not true. I’ve known Kenya was leaving for some time. But apparently she already knows she is toast and is going to show her behind for the last half of the season.
Next Week: Kenya’s replacement, Eva Marcille arrives. Don’t act like I didn’t warn you.