I love Lisa Rinna and I’ve had a really stressful day but this is the first time I’ve seen her kiss with Harry Hamlin during the opening of the show. This is how I kiss my gay male friends. It’s a bit less than a peck. True it is on the lips but it hardly has the time to rest there. It’s snowing in the ATL and I had a dead battery to get replaced along with many other issues with the car and I got several of them fixed sitting in the Honda dealership today and just feel so behind. It just started snowing here today and I had to get everything done before prime time. We’ve already got our “dusting” and the last time they said that was what was coming a lot of people were without power for days, so if I disappear that is why. I also haven’t eaten today and bought out a liquor store on the way home from the dealership because you can’t be too careful. I am hoping for a boring show tonight.
Dorit has an assistant now. Apparently her job is to be in her house when she wakes up in an espresso so that when she arrives in “her own kitchen” in full drag she has something to sip on. Also, there is now finally an appliance on “her” kitchen countertop. It’s yet another “If Erika Jayne doesn’t know how to make coffee, I don’t either” situation. Poor Dorit gave up a swimsuit line to be a mother who her kids could not recognize in a line-up. I cannot stand to hear this woman’s fake accent.
Teddi is supposed to meet for lunch with Dorit. We got the traumatic scene where she had to leave her kids. I’d normally mock this, but Banjo had a fucking FLINGER when I left him today. He’s currently sleeping off his anger and not even asking for dinner he’s so pissed I left him and the guilt is a real thing for a DOG. I never would have believed this before I had a dog. I can’t imagine every being able to leave the house if I had a child. Anyway, Dorit is late as usual and I love that the script says this will make Teddi hate Dorit, because it makes me love Teddi even more. She is the new Eileen. And I miss Eileen so much but I am good with the Teddi recast. Forty-eight minutes later, Dorit calls and says she was on the phone with something to do with her swimwear line, and she is on the way. Teddi says she has to leave.
Porsha is adorable. Kyle has too many dogs. Every year at the beginning of filming, Rinna has it in her contract that she and her family are taking their annual vacation to Canada. They have a house there on the lake. Rinna was the second choice for Kelly Ripa on Regis and Kelly and she is going to co-host with Ryan Seacrest while Kelly is on vacation.
I am totally drunk posting. So I cannot deal with LVP and her “rescue operation” for pedigree dogs that she brings to Hollywood as if they would not be rescued otherwise. They even mention Saving Spot. That is an organization that has a lawsuit against Lisa and Todd and where Ken is accused of being aggressive toward women. Ken has been accused of allowing at the very least sexual harassment and they lost the case even though LVP said they won it. There were MULTIPLE lawsuits at Villa Blanca and there have been two suits so far by dog related agencies. One of them did not get paid for providing dogs to their fakery. LVP likes to say she has a “dog rescue” because that sound very nice. But people think that means she has a dog shelter. What it really means is she is cherry picking full breed dogs from around the country’s shelters and bring them to her store in West Hollywood. It’s tacky and gauche and pretentious and vile and she’s got her own puppy mill type dog shop without technically being a puppy mill. The whole Yulin agenda is a joke to cover up her own vile behavior.
She just had the never on TV to say she wants to take the ones at high risk that are about to be killed. This is really pissing me off. Those goldendoodles and other fancypants dogs are going to be the one killed off. Someone get me an interview with the Spot rescue that they got shut down. I cannot ABIDE the lies of this woman. But that is not going to happen because they settled out of court and can’t say anything. They were an actual kill rescue.
A reader who is actually knowledgeable about dog rescue emailed me to say that the dog that just so happened to be on the street for LVP to collect this week is a very rare breed and that there are agencies who will rescue one immediately if impounded. Imagine that. I hope he or she posts here in comments. This is outrageous. Her whole “Yulin Thing” is a deflection. As someone who was rescued by a mutt. I despise her for this outrageous display.
Okay, what the heck is she wearing. I’m very Cabbage Patch Doll about this. Is it ugly or cute? I can’t decide. Whatever it is it is very, very expensive. Then Erika Jayne arrives in some very expensive blouse with a bow circa 1981. Forgive this fat chick in the ghetto for not vibing with either look but loving them both. Dear God it is a weird day. I just woke my dog up so he could go out in the snow. He loves snow. Remind me to let him back in. Also I am drunk because I never got to eat today because I was at the car repair place.
Erika was very complimentary about Rinna and her kids. Kyle is working on her show and she is worried her sisters will be pissed. OMG! Erika’s husband Tom who in my opinion is one of the greatest litigators of our time was in a car accident and broke his ankle and is having surgery. As a fan of his work that sort of hit me hard. Tom is SEVENTY EIGHT? As Erika says he is not 78, 78 he is more like 50. The man is arguing huge cases to this day! Did I mention I love him? He’s a fucking litigation genius! However, Erika, like me is coming to terms with his age. It’s obvious to me why she loves him because I love him too. And things are starting to get real. Erika is worried about losing Tom and he is her anchor. I know people are going to be shit talking this but I am NOT going to allow it here. She loves Tom and she doesn’t want to lose him. Age doesn’t nee to be brought into this. Neither does finances.
Teddi and Kyle go exercising together. I got tired. They talk about Dorit being an hour late to the lunch. OMG I can’t believe how late I am. There is just so much going on in my house.
And I’m drunk.
The help is not drying the sheets fast enough. Oh wait that was her kid trying to learn to do laundry. Oh wow. I should say I don’t do my own laundry either and I can barely get it to the fluff and fold so I have no right to judge.
Can I stop recapping now? It’s snowing and shit is happening and I need to drain faucets! Dorit denies to Kyle that that she was late. I hate Dorit and I do not care about this scene. Kyle says she would never wait an hour for anyone. Kyle says she has sold two shows but she is sad that both of her sisters are mad at her about it. Kathy and Kim are pissed at her. She doesn’t know if she will still be invited for Christmas. Her whole family hates Mauicio for working for their real estate company and leaving them. She is having a hard time being estranged from the family.
Rinna is cohosting Live With Kelly and Ryan after coming very close to being the next Kelly.
Sidenote: This has been a very difficult day. And I was dripping my faucets and started to hear more than a drip. Appatently a tissue fell into the sink and now my bathroom is flooded. But let’s move on. I just want to get though this goddamn recap.
Dorit and LVP v Everyone Else
LVP tells Dorit that she is surprised that Kyle is so open with her about the fact that she is sad because her mother is not here to see her success as a producer. DEAR GOD, I am so tired of checking the bathroom for more flooding. Sorry Kyle wants her family to acknowledge her success that is the problem. Oh hey, been there done that. I do not need a t-shirt and neither should Kyle. Anyway, the gist of it is that LVP is jealous of Kyle’s alleged closeness with Kyle.
Everyone else meets with Teddi. This group includes Camille. You know, Camille. She’s the one who will be replacing Dorit next season. Camille points out that Dorit called her a cunt. Everyone hates Dorit. Wait. Except Kyle. Maybe. I do not understand the defense. LVP tries to tell Dorit to have a sense of humor. I just can’t recap this anymore. Basically Dorit is a cunt.
Then Lisa Rinna arrives and tells everyone about the issue with LVP and he latest of seventy zillion lawsuits.
And yes this is very, very, very, staged by production on both sides. Lisa says that Ken assaulted the lady for Saving Spot. I totally believe it. I can’t believe this is a storyline. Sorry for all the typos. I’ve had a rough day.