Siggy Flicker is the reason I literally dread these recaps. There are so many better things we could be watching. Thankfully, we only have to get through this episode and the reunion. Please God let the reunion only be one episode. It’s so bad they don’t even bother giving us decent previews to pull pictures from.
We start with Margaret and her mother going dress shopping with Danielle. They are looking for a dress for her 50th birthday party. This gets Margaret a free dress, that is gorgeous in exchange for publicity at the store. Across town, Siggy is taking Joshua to be fitted for a tuxedo for his senior prom. Josh announces that he has selected Penn State. Siggy is thrilled because she can drive there every weekend.
It’s Teresa’s birthday so Joe and Melissa have planned a surprise family birthday party. Teresa hasn’t been to see Joe in eight months. I don’t think she ever visits him again after this. Only the two youngest girls are going with her. The last time she tried to visit Joe, they had to turn around because her mom went to the hospital. Once again she let’s us know she is pissed at Joe because it is his fault she went to prison and lost time with her mother. I wonder if she actually believes that? I think she probably does. Nothing is ever her fault.
After the visit, Teresa seems like she is in a really good mood. She asks the kids how it was for them seeing their father. They said it was amazing and Melania says she loves her Daddy. This divorce and deportation is going to scar Melania for life. I think the rest of them will get over it. Later in the ride, Teresa got emotional. She says that when she saw Joe she got choked up and lost her nerve.
Joe and Melissa go shopping for a birthday present for Siggy in a fun quirky little shop. They are waiting for Teresa to join them. When Teresa gets there she tells them something that seems a bit different from what she said in the car. She told them she asked for an apology and he said he says that to her in all of his letters. She said she needed to hear it in person and so he apologized again. They both started crying. I’m not believing this story. Mostly because Teresa’s lips are moving. Teresa is a terrible actress. They all are.
There is literally a sign on the windows around Siggy’s front door that says, N 1 Family. It doesn’t get more narcissistic than that.
Dolores has brought in dozens of ginormous disco balls for the back yard, and horse statues and random men wearing black angel wings and grave stones and a funky dance floor. It’s sort of disco meets Freddy Kruger.
A woman in a black Diana Ross wing arrives. I had no idea who this black woman was. But it is Dolores! I’m telling you, if you put on a wig, I will have no idea who you are. Is that her normal skin tone?
Margaret rides side-saddle into the crowd on a black horse statue on wheels. As one does. This is the weirdest party ever and I am including the old bat from Southern Charm’s parties in my rankings. Anyway Margaret cries talking about how grateful she is with her life.
Siggy is very late to the party. Finally everyone gets a text, not from Siggy but from some mystery person saying that Siggy is in the hospital. Wait! We just saw her getting into hair and makeup! She supposed fell and sprained her ankle or something. Danielle says what everyone is thinking. It’s a ploy for attention. Siggy finally texts to say she is getting x-rays of her hip and ankle and a CAT scan of her head. That CAT scan might be interesting. She didn’t text the hostess with the news.
In retaliation for Siggy bailing on the finale party, we are getting multiple montages of Siggy’s shitty behavior all season.
Siggy apparently fell down her stairs at home on the way out the door. She is pissed that Danielle, and everyone else with a function brain thinks she is faking it so she has donned a sling and a boot for her ankle and is headed to the party to confront Danielle. Or, more likely, production told her that missing the finale party is never an option.
Siggy’s plan was to leave with Dolores, Teresa and Melissa. Only Melissa had the sense not to leave with the lunatic.
The end notes say that Teresa is loving Joe’s hot prison bod and she can’t wait to visit him at the new prison once she gets approved. That is all horseshit. She will never go to the prison.
Dolores is visiting Frankie at Sacred Heart, where apparently all it takes is money to enroll. She still sees her doctor boyfriend whenever he has time.
Siggy has cut back on work to spend time with Michael (what work would that be, her imaginary relationship expert work?) and has plenty of time to visit Joshua at college and do his laundry.
Melissa’s sales at Envy have been soaring since the trip to Milan so the store has been keeping her super busy. She’s just glad that Gorga’s delivers. Who writes this fiction?
Margaret’s home renovations have stalled. Joe and Marge Sr. want to keep the party decorations forever. She’s thinking about calling in a
future third husband new contractor.
Unless I missed it, there were no endnotes for Danielle. Because she is part-time and I don’t think she will be back next season.