I am so excited for this episode tonight. Tokyo with Rinna and Erika Jayne should be fabulous. AND there is a dinner from hell. I’m also excited that y’all are so chatty about these episodes this season. Even if it is just because y’all are brawling over IVF in the comments. Whatever floats your boat.
Rinna is flying all alone in first class to Tokyo because her kids are flying into Tokyo from Canada. I don’t think Tom’s plane is big enough for a Tokyo flight, then again, I’m not sure how far it is from the west coast. Erika Jayne is going to be a teen model wrangler with Rinna, which of course requires her entire glam squad to be present. I’m so excited!
I’ve never had a burning desire to travel much in Asia, but I love going along for the ride tonight. Rinna’s girls get immediately papped in the airport. Those round purses that they are wearing are by the designer they are going to represent. The paparazzi is real by the way. The girls were obscenely popular on their trip. Rinna finds all the attention surreal given that 18 months ago they were working at a deli.
Delilah and Amelia are obsessed with Erika Jayne. She’s kind of impressed with them too, they have several store openings and a shoot with Vogue Taiwan. Rinna says their agent told them that Bella and Gigi work seven days a week, so if this is what they want, they will basically have no life outside of work.
I would KILL for photos of Rinna and Erika Jayne walking through the gardens with their colored parasols, but Bravo didn’t give us much this week. Rinna tells Erika that despite Dorit refusing to apologize to her for claiming she has a Xanax problem, she’s ready to just let it all go and go along to get along.
I am loving this episode more than I could possibly imagined. Next Rinna and Erika Jayne go to a Geisha house. They have to take their shoes off and Erika has on thigh high boots so Rinna has to pull. I am probably never going to erase this episode. It’s amazing. They are there to experience authentic sushi. I am not a fan of sushi. I am a fan of Mexican food. When I went to Mexico, I realized I don’t really like a lot of the authentic Mexican food. I am not a fan of the mole that was on every thing but the fried fish. I ate a lot of fried fish from a beach vendor, but that was only for lunch. They are having the same issue with sushi. The stuff they sell at Nobu is not authentic sushi. They struggle with being polite. At dinner they talk about their kids. Rinna is really worried for her girls. Erika is happy that her son, who is 25 and an LA cop comes home every night so she can stop worrying when she hears the door close.
Seeing Erika and Rinna so enchanted by the Japanese entertainment, and so respectful of the culture made my heart sing.
Later, Rinna and her girls meet Erika for dinner. I can’t believe they have Whispering Angel rosé in Tokyo. The girls are exhausted from their photo shoot and are probably not thrilled to have one more appearance for dinner. The girls said they were so nervous during the shoot. I like that they admit that. Erika tells them about their very authentic lunch experience. The girls relate to this by saying that they are obsessed with this Youtube channel where a girl literally sits there and eats all day. I guess when you come from a Hollywood family that doesn’t eat, that is some exotic TV? Or maybe they like to pretend they are actually eating pizza themselves? IDGI Someone explain this to me. Oh good. Erika doesn’t get it either. Erika says don’t you just want to watch porn or something interesting? Rinna says she doesn’t want them to know about that yet. Then her girls blurt out that Rinna’s book taught them how to give blowjobs. Priceless. Lisa reads from her book in a talking head cracking the fuck up. This may be the first housewives book I buy. I must have it. DID I MENTION THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF HOUSEWIVES IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD?
LVP is having a luncheon at Villa Rosa. Teddi is shocked by LVP’s menagerie of animals. She is in love with the house and the zoo. Kyle is like me, terrified to run the gauntlet past the swan-ridden moat. Swans are mean and they shit everywhere when they are not gliding around looking beautiful. That is why they are LVP’s spirit animals. Dorit is already trying ridiculously too hard. Kyle briefly talks about her fabulous trip. I think this is the trip where I DMed her because there was a terrorist attack in … I think Mykonos when she was there. She didn’t mention it and was not close to her. Her floors are all still ripped up, but she is going to have a dinner party anyway. She’s inviting all the husbands as well. I hope Tom comes! He’s my favorite! Teddi begins to realize that Dorit is a bit obsessed with Lisa Rinna. She’s smart, this one. I think I might like her.
Teddi and her family go for a hike. They are a cute family. The kids were pushed in a giant double stroller.
LVP has created a jewelry line. Literally everyone in the world has a jewelry line. LVP is going to ask Dorit to model her jewelry for Beverly Hills Living, where she is the new Editor-In-Chief. Dorit arrives to the photo shoot is bitching about her last-minute nature. I have a feeling LVP was hoping to get Erika Jayne and she flew off to Tokyo. So Dorit it is. Dorit does a great job. Everyone is happy, except for Dorit.
As Kyle is getting ready for her dinner party. The power goes out. It’s hot. When Dorit arrives and realizes there is no power, she immediately starts drinking to stay cool. As one does. This will not end well. Next to arrive is Camille and her friend Kimber. Dorit bitches about the dog trying to eat the pancakes off the table. Then she starts demanding fans. What kind of fans does she want? There is no power, dumbass. Teddi is over Dorit. Camille’s boyfriend is coming to the party. They are engaged now. LVP is dying to meet him. I wonder if Dorit is worried that Camille will take her spot on RHOBH. I hope she does. That would be awesome. Maurico arrives and Dorit greets him like she is her husband. Back off of Kyle’s man, bitch.
At dinner Dorit is drunk off her dumbass and shames Camille at the table for correcting her on how to pronounce Mauricio’s name. Mauricio himself says there are many pronunciations. Camille excuses herself from the table and returns with her very hot fiancé, David. LVP is impressed as well. Somehow drunk Dorit announces that she is the only person in the world who is not afraid of LVP. Kyle tells us in a talking head that LVP is jealous of her relationship with Dorit. Ken says LVP is afraid of Kyle. As she should be. She’s the star and producer of this show.
Out of literally nowhere, while everyone was laughing, Dorit shouts, “Camille! You’re a stupid cunt!” It is at this point that I must wonder if Dorit has been doing coke in the dimly lit bathroom. Dorit just starts screaming random shit at the table. Camille is mortified. Maurice gets Dorit’s attention and literally shushes her. I’ve never seen Mauricio get involved like this before. It’s that bad. LVP takes a napkin puts it over Dorit’s mouth.
I didn’t understand a thing about what they showed in the previews. I need y’all to explain that to me.