Floribama Shore: Snuggle Puddle

When last we left off with these morons, Aimee had pushed Kirk over into the coffee table. Kirk’s crime was apparently pointing out that all the THOTs in this house call their exes when they are drunk. I mean, that is something 20-year-old girls do. Why does stating that fact need to result in having a bottle of poor quality mayonnaise pelted at your head?

The soberish people in the house try to corral everyone to their quarters for the evening. Tomorrow is Parents Day and they need to be fresh as a daisy. Kirk, who is full of rage with no one to hit, boxes with a closet door on the way to his room. Nilsa responds with “What the fuck?” and Kirk says, “She’s lucky that’s not her head.” This sends Aimee screaming after him again. Aimee is an idiot. Kirk is showing a lot of restraint, even though he is drunk, and Aimee can’t mess with the bull forever without getting the horns. Aimee loses her damn mind. Gus and Nilsa are trying to restrain her, but Aimee is strong, like bull. And loud as fuck. It’s just pathetic. Aimee goes on and on and on both in the bathroom and later sober on camera about how Kirk talked to her. I’d like to restate for the record that all Kirk said was the girls call their exes every time they get drunk.

The next morning, Aimee still thinks she is the victim. She really needs to learn more words. 

The parents all arrive, and Aimee takes her mama to the confessional. You would think she could make it through this scene without being an ass. You wold be wrong. Aimee bends over the bench and starts shaking her big fat ass at the camera while her mama spanks it. #Klassy

Jeremiah, whose parents had the good sense to stay home, wanders around shirtless randomly flexing for all the mothers. Where did that home schooled young man with the good manners go?

Candace’s conservative parents through all caution to the wind. Her dad starts shotgunning beers and her mom enjoys hugging Jeremiah and his muscles. They were the life of the party. Candace is shocked. She says these are not her parents.

While everyone is eating outside, Aimee starts low-key shading Kirk in front of his parents. It’s like this girl wants to have her ass beat. Kirk takes his parents inside. Kirk tells  his parents about the blow up. His dad gives him some great advice. He says don’t give advice to people in bad relationships because when they get back together, you will be the bad guy. Meanwhile, down on the beach, Aimee’s mother tells her that if she attacks a man, she needs to expect to be attacked back.  Aimee lies and says he did attack her. She’s so delusional. Her mother tells her she needs to tell him she made a mistake. Aimee says she is not apologizing for pushing him.

I’m so glad Gus is going to get out of this house unscathed.

Nilsa whines to her parents about being without a man for the last nine months since her divorce.

Eventually the family leaves and the kids start to clean up and hang out. Kirk very politely asks to talk to Aimee and apologizes for upsetting him. Aimee apologizes for attacking him. They both proclaim their undying love for each other. Kirk is a good guy.

Nilsa answers the phone, “THOT house, Queen of the THOTs speaking.” So if nothing else, Nilsa has realized who she truly is this season.

Codi is coming back to the house so Nilsa puts on her Unicorn onesie and THOT boots, while Aimee prepares to show her asshole. Literally. I threw up in my mouth during her practice round. When Codi comes back, Nilsa flashes her tits while Aimee shows him her hemorrhoids. Codi was thrilled.

On the last night, Jeremiah and Kirk make a low country boil. They actually know how to do it and it looks amazing. As they suck on crawfish heads and crab legs, they revisit their favorite memories in the house.

After dinner they all pile up together on mattresses on the floor. Aimee learns a two-word phrase this time. It seems she and Nilsa have been calling each other “scissor sisters” without knowing what it meant.  Codi twerks in his patriotic underpants with an eagle on his ass.

The next day, they all cried and went back home.