Here we go with another TWO HOURS of this insanity this week. Thursdays will be the regular time and my Thursday DVR schedule is a hot mess. I will probably pause recapping this to do Top Chef so that it gets up on time because it is the more popular show.
On the first two-hour episode, we saw Jaclin giving the distress signal very quickly after she arrived. In fact she has only been in for one day. She’s having a hysterical breakdown because she can’t talk to her kid. The get her boyfriend and kid on the phone and she is able to return. She keeps talking about having to forgive herself for the birth of her first child.
Jaclin is flouncing around in her pod and is shocked when all the podmates start hitting on her. She’s uncomfortable. Later, the girls realize that Jaclin’s cover story is full of holes. It’s so stupid that they don’t say their crimes were committed in Fulton County. Jaclin doesn’t know what aggravated assault is and she talks too much.
How does Jaclin get to keep those long fake pink fingernails?
Stephanie is 25 years old and works in a pharmacy. She says people tell her she is “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” She is very in to makeup. She has led a really sheltered and privileged life. Her siblings live in the inner cities. She says that is their fault. She seems like a bitch. Her mother is furious about signing up for the show. She has a submissive boyfriend who clearly also gives her whatever she wants. She is not going to make it in FCJ.
Stephanie did a pretty decent job with her cover story. On her first night there was oral sex among her podmates as soon as the lights went out.
Next. we seek Lyric coming to hit on Stephanie. She wants her weave. Lyric was a huge problem in the previous season. She gets in a lot of fights.
Later, Jaclin approaches Stephanie. Jaclin pretty quickly figures out that Stephanie is part of the show because she botches her story about being a pharmacy tech when she claims a previous drug charge. Then when they asked each other their last names, Stephanie realizes that Jaclin had to look at her wristband to remember her last name. Jaclin did that on purpose to tip Stephanie off. Both of them come clean to each other while two other girls are sitting right next to them. Didn’t this same thing happen on another season? Could they not just talk at any of the other empty tables? Jaclin says if she can pick up on Stephanie then so can the other girls.
Thankfully, Lyric has gone twenty minutes without threatening to beat someone’s ass so it’s time for her to get some attention. This time it is Raven who is the target of her wrath. It’s an amazing thing about the human condition. We will find enemies anywhere. Even if we are all in the same shithole of a jail for similar reasons, we will make enemies over things like who is housed upstairs and who is housed downstairs. So downstairs Lyric is ready to brawl with upstairs Raven. The guards are just standing there doing nothing. Eventually the lock up the room where Raven is, and all her podmates and continued to let Lyric strut around like a fool screaming threats. Then they let the girls out of 22 and the full on brawl happens.
Jaclin stayed downstairs, yelled at the guards for letting a brawl happen and stayed out of trouble. Jaclin realizes for the first time that the guards are not going to protect her from other inmates. Stephanie was upstairs with her pod right in the thick of things. In her interview about the brawl, she thought it was exhilarating to be in a fight when your whole pod has your back and was a flippant little twat about the whole thing. She’s not very bright.
Angele is a 25-year-old electrician with lots of tattoos and is going to cause a shitstorm when she gets to South Annex. She is hot. And gay for longer than her stay. It’s not that she is overly pretty like Stephanie, she just has a confidence about her. She’s tough and opinionated but with cute dimples. She thinks she will be running the pod. I do too. She has no respect for authority though. She may be the one that blows everyone’s cover.
She finally gets to the pod and she is the last girl in.
Matt, the former prison chaplain who looks like Jesus is already preaching. But he seems to be doing a good job of fitting in. He has not had a cell mate since he got there. Then Lawrence comes and wants to take his bottom bunk because he has back problems from being shot three times. Matt says he is old and has back problems too. Lawrence is being transferred from another zone. That usually means he got into trouble in the other zone. Matt gives him the bottom bunk. Lawrence insists on sweeping and mopping the entire cell because he is a neat freak. I need him to come to my cell. Badly.
OMG! Lawrence is the guy who got jumped by Too Tall and that gang. That is why he got moved to 600. When Matt finds this out, he is terrified because his son is over there. Matt tries to get in touch with his son through the connecting door. But the guy on the other side can’t make out what he is saying. Later in the cell, Lawrence tells Matt that he’s glad he is in 600 otherwise he’d be on 700 and up there is a big zoo. They have plenty of dope and plenty of weapons. Someone like them up there would be stabbed.
Matt is dying with this information. He is really, really regretting putting his son in this situation. Lawrence says people’s sons die in here. Matt is starting to have heart issues over this news. Off camera, Matt freaks out and presses the panic button that is there for people in lockdown in a major crisis. This is supposed to get an immediate reaction. No one comes. He tries the distress signal. Then the producers pull him.
Johnny is a former gang member who has a son in jail for murder. He wants to see what his son’s life is like. I thought this would be a piece of cake for him, but he is super nervous going in. He is nervous in booking because he is the only Hispanic.
When he gets to 600 they were on lockdown and he was put in a cell with no cellie. These guys are on lockdown a lot. When he finally gets out, everyone is looking at him again. He really doesn’t like a lot of people looking at him. He eases in with the flow after a bit.
Police officer Alan, is not enjoying the bologna sandwiches. He had a very nice cell mate but he was only there for a couple of days. After his cellmate leaves, he is in his cell for more than 20 hours a day alone. He’s losing it. Alan finally gets a new cellmate, Pancho. He claims to be picked up on outstanding warrants after one of his friends was playing with a gun and accidentally shot himself.
Alan immediately realizes that Andrew’s story doesn’t make sense. He’s already made Andrew as a plant. This is good news for Andrew. Andrew also has a cellie now. His name is Timothy. He was charged with armed robbery which was dropped down to robbery by intimidation. He tells Andrew that ruined his whole life. Timothy isn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree and he like to talk nonstop. When he is not talking about himself, he’s making offensive comments to Andrew who is just trying to read his Bible.
Carl is one of the biggest guys in 500. He wanted to borrow Nate’s iPad. It was rec time and the rooms were all locked down and the iPad was on Nate’s bed. Somehow, Carl managed to get the jailer to pop open the door to Nate’s room. This did not make Nate happy. His gang friends are not pleased either. Nate wants to handle it himself but the gang bangers are looking for a fight.
The next time we see Nate he is looking for his iPad. Carl tells him he slid it under his door. When Nate goes in to recover it, he find that the screen has been smashed.
Most of 500 is ready to go after Carl to seek revenge on behalf of Nate. Nate doesn’t want to start a riot over the situation but can’t afford to let it slide. The new kid, Pancho, who is Alan’s room mate is making shanks in their cell to go after Carl. It’s about to go down.
But probably because of the producers, the Colonel finds out about the shanks and the plan. He sends in DART to remove Carl from the zone for his own protection. I hope they send him to 700.
Then they do a search for the shanks that we will see next week. Alan is nervous because he knows there are shanks in his cell.
This was an exciting, if extremely long episode. I hope they will got to one hour episodes or one hour twice a week. Four hours of blow by blow is a lot.
Next week: Angele and Emmanuel are the last two to check in.