Sometimes I think if I were to send my DNA sample to one of those places that banks your DNA for all time, someone would show up at my house and cart me off to some sort of lab for future government testing. Because I am pretty sure I have bear DNA in my system. I slept through all of prime time tonight, and not on purpose. So I am going to try to catch up before going back to bed. I think yesterday was the first day since December of 2015 that I didn’t get a single post up.
Anyway, it’s time for Shep to go back to Charleston and put all his chosen ones up in the CHOW. I am pretty sure they didn’t get as many takers as they would have liked for this show. I also am pretty sure there were a lot of dates that we never saw. Let me sneeze my way through this shit show.
We start at the Hominy Grill in downtown Charleston with Cameron ordering “the big nasty” which is a chicken biscuit and gravy. She also gets a side of tomato pudding and macaroni and cheese. It’s always fun to order when someone like Bravo is paying. Shep gets the shrimp etouffee and some sweet potato and ham hock soup plus some jalapeno hush puppies. This makes me so excited because I got a gift card to one of my favorite Atlanta restaurants that has she crab soup on the menu and has sort of a Charleston vibe and I can’t wait to go and order the fancy stuff. You, know. If I ever leave the house in presentable shape to go to nice places. It could happen!
The first thing Shep tells Cameron about his search for love is that he didn’t get laid. Le sigh. As Shep recounts the ladies, I just want to reach through my screen and eat. I would have ordered she crab soup. Possibly twice. Don’t judge me.
Over at the CHOW, the girls are starting to check in. It’s awkward. Peyton continues to be bitchy. The fifth girl is the one from the last episode where the trivia game was cut short. She hasn’t arrived yet and the first four are not thrilled with Shep arrives with gifts in multiples of five, towels and flip flops. Peyton continues to be bitchy. She’s also the only blonde.
The next day Cameron arrives to interview the girls. Cameron is borderline rude calling them, the California girl, the horse girl, and the Brazilian girl who must of horse have a nice ass. She tells Peyton she thinks she is a Nordic alien. She tells the horse girl that Shep hates vegetarians. She’s really rude to the Brazilian girl. The is not a lot of southern hospitality happening here.
First up is a speed dating event on a trolley. There is a huge cooler of beer. We start with the Boston trivia girl. She seems unimpressed with Charleston. That’s a no. Worst speed date ever. Next is Priscila the Brazilian girl. She says she is thirteen years older than the other girls and that makes her nervous. He seems to like her. Kylie, the home girl, is missing her graduation to be in the CHOW. Why? Oh girl, get some priorities. Her parents must be so pissed. She says that the age gap isn’t a problem. She seems to think Priscila is too old to date and then have kids with. She’s cut throught. Peyton, the California blonde. They see Landon swimming in the ocean on their tour of The Battery. Peyton actually gets to get off the trolley with Shep and walk on The Battery and share a kiss. She looks like our front runner.
Then it seems like time runs out for the trolley and Bella ends up with a dinner date. Bella mentions that Cameron brought up the fact that he is a big ole man whore. I am not sure who Bella is from their past dates yet and they are not giving me any clues here. He does seem to have a type and all the brunettes look alike. Shep says his last serious relationship was in 2004. Bella points out she was in the fourth grade. He tries to kiss her and she says she doesn’t want to do it on camera.
Back at the CHOW, the girls are playing drinking games in the pools with glass wine glasses. It’s making me anxious. Bella has been gone forever and they are getting jealous. We see that the date ends with a kiss. When the other girls find out they don’t seem happy.
The next day the film on the beach at Kiawah. Because IOP did not want them filming at Shep’s new beach house. Shep was really salty about that. At the beach, Peyton and Austen discover they know each other from college. Craig somehow breaks some bottles in the cooler and the Boston girl gets cut. It is basically the only way she gets attention. Peyton tells Austen that Shep is texting all the girls the same meme and it’s kind of annoying to discover your texts are the same as four other girls.
Meanwhile, it is April on the beach. They have to be freezing. Shep runs into the ocean and Peyton is the only one who followed. Shep is not happy that Peyton is getting a bit sassy about Kylie. Peyton is drunk and is eating a burger like she is doing a Carl’s Jr. commercial. Kylie is her biggest critic.
Then Sarah pulls him aside to let him know an uninvited guest is arriving. Someone he dated but did not invited. Shep is pissed. And that is the plot line for the next episode.